Watch Me Drown

4. Walk

(Abigail's point of view)

The next few days were pretty much the same. I was still utterly tired, yet I attempted to ignore it. After I convinced Julien that I was perfectly fine, she started to find it funny. She had posted on Instagram not once, not twice, but three times a collection of me napping in strange places, all captioned "Abby sleeping in weird places, a series. Shot by me." with the camera emoji at the end.

Julien was hanging out with a friend all day in the city, so me and Dorothea had the whole place to ourselves. Our apartment was in a much quieter place in Los Angeles, away from all the traffic and movie stars. We could get to lots of places, like CVS, Starbucks, Whole Foods, Target, etcetera, it just took longer than normal. Neither of us minded; more time to listen to music.

"What do you want to do today, pretty girl?" I asked Dorothea after Julien had closed the door.

The dog stared at the door for a moment, then turned towards me and barked. She glanced back at the door. So clingy.

"Let's go for a walk," I scooped her up and cradled her like a baby. "Mommy needs caffeine."

After throwing on some jeans shorts, keeping on the baggy faded black t-shirt I had on, braiding my hair, grabbing my dark green converse, and sliding Dorothea's harness on, we were ready.

The Starbucks was about a half hour walk away, so I was very thankful for the cloudy yet warm day. When we finally arrived, I picked Dorothea up again and went in. The staff were pretty open with pets being there, as long as they had a leash on and were under control. I got a pup cup for her and a drink for me, then we sat outside. We sat at a table for two, right across from each other. I held the pup cup for her as she ate in one hand, my drink in the other. I took a quick photo to post on my Instagram story later.

I had learned my ways with social media over the years. If I uploaded it now, every Starbucks in California would be flocked with people until they found me, paparazzi mixed in. If I uploaded it later, I would be safe at home. You can see the better option.

When the pup cup was licked clean, I stood up to leave. It took me a moment to process it, but when I did, I realized I was fairly dizzy. Dorothea watched me stumble and grab the table. She whined while I collected myself.

"I'm okay." I told her weakly.

I could feel my heart hammering in my chest. Out of curiosity, I checked my apple watch. My heart rate was crazy.

"Dammit," I muttered.

I zoned out for most of the walk. When we were ten minutes in I came to my senses, and realized that my legs felt like they were going to give out any second. I pushed myself on until I came across a bench, and more or less collapsed onto it, panting. Familiar exhaustion crept into my limbs, deciding that it would stay there for an unknown period of time.

What the hell was going on? Normally, this walk was easy and fun. Right then, it felt draining. I so badly wanted to get up and go home, but I had a gut feeling not to.

So I called the only person I could think of.

"Hello?" Lucy answered almost immediately.

"Hey, Luce," I said, slight relief washing over me at the sound of her voice. "Where are you right now?"

"I actually just left the mall by you guys," She told me. "Why? Is everything okay, Abby? You sound out of breath."

"Everything's fine!" I explained. "I just...well, me and Dorothea went for a walk to get Starbucks, and we were walking home, but I started to feel weird. I was wondering if you could come pick me up? It's completely fine if-"

"I'm on my way," She interrupted, her voice urgent and laced with concern. "Where are you?"

I sent her my location and we hung up.

***

"Hey!" Lucy shouted through the car window as she parked.

I picked up Dorothea and forced myself up. I ignored the lightheadedness that followed, and climbed into the passenger seat. "Thank you so much, Lucy."

"I'll always come get you." She said sincerely, pulling away from the curb. "Now tell me what's wrong."

"I just got really tired." I decided to keep the other symptoms to myself, at least for now.

"Have you been eating enough?"

"Yeah."

"Drinking enough?"

"Yeah."

"Sleeping enough?"

"I've been sleeping a lot."

"Breathing enough?"

"What?"

"You don't breathe enough when you're anxious."

"I'm not anxious."

She raised her eyebrows at me. "Really?"

"Yeah."

"Just tired?"

"Mhm."

She nodded, but I could tell she wasn't convinced I was fine. She knew me too well; she could probably see right through me. Not like getting dizzy is a big secret, it's just not a big deal. I didn't want to worry anyone for unnecessary reasons.

"Unless you cheated on Julien with a man and got pregnant," She started, making me burst out laughing. "I'm gonna assume this mystery exhaustion is PMS."

"Oh my god! You're right!" I exclaimed.

When we got back to the apartment, I invited Lucy in for lunch, and she accepted. We ate grilled cheese and talked for a while, then she left about an hour before Julien got back.

"What did you do today?" Julien asked me over dinner.

"Went for a walk," I said. "And Lucy came over for a bit."

I didn't tell her why.

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I realized that I never said everyone calls Abigail Abby. Abigail is her legal name, but no one uses it.