𝚁𝚞𝚒𝚗𝚎𝚍 (Thirteen)

Chapter 6 | Bellybar

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BIG TW SH!! (Skip until the next -*-*-  of this chapter and the triggering stuff will be written)

When my mum walked out I was 8, and that's when I started cutting myself. The feeling was euphoric, that's the only way I can describe it. I wasn't that bad I just used to drag at my skin with staples, leaving little scratches all over my arms. I got worse when I was 10, using sharpeners and by the time I was 11 and 12, I'd do it pretty much every night with razors, leaving scars all on my right arm and a few on the top of my left. And, now, I'm back to cutting into my skin. I don't know why I started again. I guess I just missed the feeling. I guess I'm just tired of feeling nothing or everything all at once.

The light tapping of the shower is interrupted by the knock on the door.

"One minute!" I say as I begin to spray at the blood on the floor and wipe it.

"Hurry the fuck up!" Jay says.

"Shut up, I haven't even taken that long!" I call back.

"It's been an hour, N/n."

Really? It's felt like a few minutes.

I turn the tap on and run my arm under it.

"I'll tell you when I'm out!" I say.

"Whatever, N/n."

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I finish my second blunt and I lay back on my bed. I grasp a bottle of vodka in my hand, I glug down the last few millimeters of the vodka left then lay back on my bed. the belly bar in my hand. 

"You sure you don't want me to do it?" Evie asks, sitting beside me on the bed.

"I'm sure..." I reply.

I rest the bellybar on my chest. I heat up the needle and line it up with the dot I drew above my belly button. I hold my breath and stab it through. I exhale as it goes through, perfectly, the first time. 

"Oh my god, wow, Y/n!"

I quickly switch the needle out for the bellybar. I stand up and look at it in the mirror.

Evie and I pose in my mirror for a while before I shake my head.

"Hang on, I think I'm gonna be sick..." I say.

Evie sits on my bed as I walk out of my room and bump into Jay.

"Woah, what the fuck are you doing?" he asks.

"I-uh...I'm going up-...going to the bath. I mean bathroom, I don't know why the fuck I said bath..," I reply.

"Come here," he says so I move closer to him, nearly falling over, "Open your mouth."

"No, you freak!" I reply.

"Have you been drinking?" he asks.

I roll my eyes and stagger into the bathroom. I lock the door.

-*(Morning)*-

I do my usual makeup routine in my mirror, which is above my dresser: skincare - eye cream, moisturizer, suncream; prime then leave it to set for a few minutes as I pick an outfit out; I change into a low-cut, long-sleeved, white crop top with a black, short skirt and underneath them, black, translucent tights; curl lashes, mascara, wait for it to dry, mascara, wait for it to dry, mascara, curl lashes again when dry; clean up any messy mascara; I apply my eyeliner and smudge it just the right amount; do my nose contour; concealer; set the concealer and nose contour; apply cheek and jaw contour; lightly bronze my forehead; use a bit of eyebrow gel and I'm done as Evie does her makeup sat on the floor in front of my standing mirror.

As we're getting ready Evie asks, "Should we actually go to Tracy's tonight?"

"Why not? We haven't been before," I say, half telling the truth - I've gone, Evie hasn't.

"True. I just realized you've never been to mine," Evie says.

"Ew, yeah, that's so weird," I say. "I'll come to yours like next week or something."

"Yeah, mk."

We stay silent for about five seconds before Evie gasps, "Oh my god, you know Medrina?" she asks, "Apparently she's tryna get with Seb as if she hasn't been sucking Finn's dick for the past fucking month."

"She's such a whore," I say, straightening my hair, "I think she stuffs her bra, you know."

"Me too, I mean, she's gone up about two sizes within a few days, that doesn't just happen magically."

We both laugh and move on to gossiping about other students.

"Shit, it's almost time to go," Evie says.

We dash down the stairs.

"N/n, no breakfast," Jay says, "Dad started early."

"I wasn't hungry, anyway," I shrug, "Where's Liz."

"He dropped her off, already."

I shrug, "Okay."

"Me and Evie'll probably sleep at Tracy's tonight," I say.

"I don't think Dad will notice but I'll tell him if he asks," Jay replies, "You ready to go?" he asks.

"Just gonna brush our teeth," I reply and drag Evie up the stairs.

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