𝓗𝓸𝓵𝓵𝓸𝔀

Chapter 8

"Hey Rita, you know that boy group Owen is hanging out with?" Laney came up to me by surprise. She tells me that they're bad company and describe the most lustful and disturbing words that ever came out. "Owens not like that at all." Owen does talk profanity then and there, but Owen would never use them against me, the way Laney describe it was not Owen at all.
I was planning on going to the record store, until i found Juniper, Prudence and Lydia, from a distance, walking on the opposite sidewalk towards the Bean Sprout Café with hands full of bags and contagious giggles. I'll just walk straight home, i'm fine by playing the same song.
Mom stared at me with aghast, sitting still on the living room couch with her legs crossed, holding my scale and laxatives. I was already having a bad day, now it's getting worse.
"How much do you weigh?"
"110."
"Don't lie."
"...97." She weighs her head down. "I've noticed you've been wearing shirts underneath shirts, jeans underneath jeans, that doesn't stop me from knowing your body changing." She said quietly, looking at her reflection on the scale. She drops it aggressively leaving a crack and picks up daddy's dead blow hammer. As it lifts high above her head i squeezed her wrist begging her not to do it, but never the less, her strength is stronger than mine. The crack got bigger as she swung it. It was too late, my heart dropped, making me lose balance. "Why are you doing this?!" I painfully sobbed. Once the scale was unnoticeable, i heard my laxatives rattle through the bathroom. They were already sinking on the toilet, she flushed them out. Anger flew through me, i strike my fist behind her head, once her head shifted i aimed through the cheek bone. "Mommy!" I heard Rachel's frightened voice, i see her hiding behind the walls. I turned back and see mom on the floor already forming a bloody nose. Why did i do that? "I'm sorry." I choked, i ran out with nothing but my cellphone.
I cleaned up my face and wait for the puffiness to fade, night was already passing, i took a deep breathe and ring the doorbell. "I got your call saying you wanted to spend the night over... Something in your mind?" Owen asked, laying on his bed reading "A Wrinkle In Time" with his lamp being the only light on. Something urges me not to tell him, but since i'm already here, i better tell him the truth. "I ran away." I said under my breathe, he shuts his book. "Is there a reason?" He asked worried. I opened my mouth trying to get the words out. "My mom broke my scale and flushed my laxatives. I punched her, i swear i didn't mean too. I felt bad so i ran away." I look at Owen with my wet blurry eyes, i can tell he's stunned. "I swear i didn't mean to, i'm not that kind of person, i just don't like it when people mess with my personal belongings." I continued. "Is she hurt?" He asked. "A little." I sobbed even more, i covered my face hiding my tears, he wraps his arms around me. "You probably think i'm a terrible person for beating up my mom."
"No. No. Lay in bed with me Rita, tomorrow will be better."
All this crying was making me tired, i laid on his stiff bed, and he laid behind me, spooning me. I closed my eyes and suddenly felt his arms wrapping around me, it's awkward cuddling with him for the first time, but he's someone i trust, i started to feel protective from his warmth, i rest my eyes and listen to the words "Tomorrow will be better." repeat in my head.

The last school bell rang, i looked hallway after hallway to find Owen so we can walk over to his house. I caught him talking to those group of boys Laney warned me about. I walked up to him and stopped till i could hear him clearly, the boy group face expression changed from silliness to serious. "I was cuddling with her last night, but i wish we did more, my hand was so close to it." Owen chuckled, he noticed the boy group was motionless, silent and staring behind him. He turns around with confusion, me being frightened, i turned my back.
Owen has been following me for 20 minutes, yelling my name and apologizing.
"Oh my God Laney was right about you!" I weeped.
He brought up the worse excuses saying "We talk about this to all girls, not just you." or "It isn't what you think."
"You know Owen, when i fell asleep in your arms. I felt safe, like you were gonna help me through this. Now i'm scared of you, i can't live with you if you have this kind of mindset."
"I want to help you. What i just said was not true at all. Rita! I like you."
I walked off, hoping this will be our last conversation. I'll amit it, i like him too, i've liked him for a while and i thought about dating him, but that's not the Owen i want to date, all these years i've spent with him, gone to waste. I'm going back home since it's the safest shelter i know. Maybe my mom's over it, but she might ground me. Ugh, what is wrong with me?! I'm in front of the door, i came across a hand full of rats running towards my feet, i knocked.

"What made you start this?"
"Hm?"
"This whole eating thing."
I pealed the loose skin out of my nail. This room reminds me of my Principles office, it's quiet, square, the walls are thick and it smells clean. There's no sight of posters but there is a dollhouse, basketballs, boxer gloves, toys, a mirror and books. The lady is nothing like my principal, her voice is like a blanket, fresh from the drier wrapped around me and she's patient. "Uhhhmm." I stretch my arms out and looked around. "Your word are safe with me." She knows that i'm anxious since it's my first time here. "I wanted to lose my belly fat." I said with my honest answer. "Okay." She scribbles a piece of paper with her pen. "Can you do me a favor, and stand in front of this mirror." I stood and looked at the rectangular mirror. "Describe yourself in the mirror. Do you see yourself fat or skinny?" "I see myself skinny, but i want to be skinnier." She once again scribbles.

The talking session only lasted 20 minutes. "Your next appointment with me will be January 27th."