𝓗𝓸𝓵𝓵𝓸𝔀

Chapter 11

I haven't touch my sketch book in weeks, since Leon cracked my camera, i flipped through the book over and over, i closed my eyes to picture some sort of architectural masterpiece, it can be a house, a factory, an abandoned building, an apartment, even a trailer. But it's meaningless to sketch something only drawn in my head, i want to outline and shade something that has history, like i always did when i was in school. Marlee enters my room without knocking, she needs to work on knocking and not just enter people's room unannounced. "It's time for physical ed class."
"My mom's a tennis player, she's been playing ever since she was a teen and convinces me to give it a try." I told Marlee as we're walking towards the tennis court, flipping our tennis rackets. It's a two on two team, i'm playing against Marlee, her teammate is Tay and mine is Helga. Helga isn't the best at tennis, or any sport. Once that tennis ball hits the racket she starts ticking and shouting, which leads her missing the hit. I do most of the work but at the same time, i'm not the best at it. Maybe i should've followed moms advice. "I wish i have a new teammate, Helga is ass in this game." I argued. Marlee turns around and finds Helga sitting on the bleachers repeating ticking and shouting all while trying to drink a bottled water. "I've known Helga for a while, she's a great friend and everyone loves her. She just can't control her tics." Marlee said. I ignored her, i just hope Helga won't be my teammate again. We sat on the concert ground with ants climbing up our legs. We watched other patients play, till i suddenly realized that the hospital is facing me, maybe i don't need a camera, i can just sketch it right in front of me. I sized up the building with my eyes and took out my sketchbook, my kneading eraser and my charcoal pencil out of my bag. "Are you drawing?" Marlee asked. "Sketching." 5 minutes pass by and i'm already done outlining the building, windows and roof. "Wow." Marlee awed, she watches my paper as i admire each detail of the building and copied it through my pencil. "What's you doing?" Tay appeared from behind. "She's drawing." "Sketching!" Every second, more people appeared and circled around, observing my paper. I'm almost done with the final touches. Till suddenly, a whistle blew from a distance. "Let's go, let's go! Back inside!" Couch Quinn demanded. Everybody groan and walked out with their sluggish shoulders, i was the only one left outside. A shadow blocked my view, i lift my head up and spy a tall figure crossing her arms.
"Back inside Miss Rita!"
"I'm almost done can you give me a couple of minutes?"
She aggressively grabs my sketchbook and my arm, she pushes me through the door, leading me collapse on my hands and knees. She walks off by sliding my sketchbook on the dusty floor, it's crumbled and there's a slight rip. "Are you okay?" Tay asked. Behind her were the patients that've watched me sketch. I picked myself up. "I guess." They came in a circle again and praise my sketch.
"This is talent." "It looks just like it." "So beautiful." "Can you make me one?"
I grew a smile hearing their words, it's a bummer that it's not complete.

"I have more sketches in my house, i've always love doing it but since i'm here, i haven't had the time or freedom to do it." I ripped the paper out of my sketch book and tapped it on the wall. I heard a knock, nurse Eva enters with a tray of food. "I guess i'll see you later." Marlee walks out. A bowl full of Spaghetti, some crackers, a protein shake and a sugar cookie, i ate every bite with no complaint. "See how easy that was?" The nurse walks out with the tray.
"Are you sure you don't need any help?" Asked Marlee.
"I can do it, i promise." My whole hand was in my mouth and i repeatedly poke my throat, i can feel it coming out, puke splattered everywhere. I cough from the putrid taste and burning sensation, more continues to running down my nose. I look at the mirror and it's dripping down my chin, i can feel it soaking through my shirt. I felt the need to rinse off but i'd have to ask the nurses for permission, i don't want them to know that i purged. Marlee runs off to look for a clean shirt while i whip the puke off me and off the bathroom, most of it landed on the floor, which was a pain to clean off. "Where is she?" I whispered nervously. I heard fast footsteps and the door opening. "I'm sorry i'm late." She hands me a white fuzzy sweater, it's itchy, but better than nothing. "What are gonna do with that one?" She point to my dirty shirt. I guess i'll just throw it away.

Everyone's in their beds while the nurses do checks. My body refuses to sleep, my eyes are shut but they are desperate to open, my stomach feels off and my mind is giving me a warning, telling me that someones in my room. I don't believe it, maybe i'm forming those anxiety attacks again, i turned side to side, laid my back top and bottom, but i'm still uncomfortable. It's definitely the pillow, i got up to fluff it. I froze as i saw the moonlight shine over someone sitting on my chair, i can see their eyes peering through me. I screamed in terror. "SOMEBODIES IN MY ROOM!" I shouted. The nurses crashed in my room and switch up the lights, it was Leon. I wrapped myself around my blanket as nurses dragged him out of my room. My screams and shouts woke most of the patients up, they entered my room with shocking faces when they realized Leon was stalking me, they asked if i was okay but nurses pushed them out and ordered them to go back to sleep.

"I'm sorry about last night Rita." Mrs. Tan said.
"Do you believe me now?.. Please get me out of here, i don't want to be in this hospital anymore." I cried and put my head down.
"You can't just leave this hospital, Rita. Not until you're well."
"I am!"
She reaches for my hand. "No you're not. In fact, you look deader than before... I've dealt with patients with eating disorders, you're not alone. But if you're going to continue hurting yourself, you minus will stay here longer."

After swallowing up my meatloaf with potato purée, lingonberry, steamed carrots and a brick brownie. I thought about purging, but after what Mrs. Tan told me, i started having second thoughts. Marlee enters my room, with a knock this time. "Are you gonna puke it out?" She asked. "I don't know Marlee, i kinda don't want to. Mrs. Tan tells me that if i'm not well then i might stay here longer."
"What?! What about reaching your goal weight?Isn't that important to you?"
"Yea but i think my safety is more important, i can't stay here forever and deal with Leon."
"I'll protect you Rita, i promise. Just bare with me."
I signed, we head to the bathroom.
I'm 93 pounds already? Looks like purging really does help, Marlee steps on it next. "Woah." I stared at the number showing 70 pounds. 7 pounds gone in just 6 days?
"That's really skinny, are you sure you want to lose another 3 pounds?"
"No, i change my mind, i want to lose 10."