Deal With The Pain | Namgi

Chapter 30

Yoongi POV

I smile back over at Joon, knowing fully well how much he regrets what happened. We are both to blame for him thinking the way he had though, and he's turned himself around and been so much better since coming back and apologizing. He's gone way above and beyond any of what I expected out of him since he's came back.

"I meant it that day, what I said to you when we were in the back." I mumble softly, feeling somewhat shy to not only be leading this conversation, but to be admitting what I am. We have to have this conversation at some point though, and I know fully well that he won't ever initiate it, knows he knows my boundaries enough to never bring something up that I've requested either be held at a later date or not be brought up at all, knows he'd wait till we were dead before bringing something up because he knows I'll bring it up when I'm ready. It's something I appreciate greatly from him, something that I've not missed him remembering, have caught the looks he wears when the others have crossed that boundary.

Namjoon just looks up at me in confusion though, head tilting sweetly as he looks up at me from his beer. I smile at the sight, loving how peaceful and serene this night feels with him, with us just hanging out in my apartment while most of the country tries to sleep by this hour.

"When I told you that I felt the same way. I meant it. I've known since junior year of high school. Knew that you were who I wanted. That you were the person I wanted by my side throughout everything we face in life. That you were the one I wanted to be able to come home to someday. Seeing you walk through the doors of my shop your freshman year, I knew I was fucked. My heart's been in your hands since junior year, and seeing you walk through those doors that day brought every ounce of it back.

"I've held out hope for you to come back to your senses for so long, Joon. It killed me that day when you walked in and confessed, killed me that I couldn't call you mine right then and there. I'm glad you stayed though. And I appreciate you being patient with me through all of this. I meant it that day that I told you I felt the same. I still do." I can feel my cheeks warming as I speak, feeling unbearably shy and nervous at putting it all out there, worried that somewhere along the lines of these last few weeks that something could've possibly changed in his feelings for me.

The smile that breaks across his face is blinding though, easing my nervous heart significantly as he smiles down at his lap, clearly seeming to feel as shy about all of this as I do. I don't bother stifling the small giggle that bubbles up at the sight, grateful to see that he's still just as happy as I'd hoped he'd be, just as happy as I'm sure he would've been had we been having this conversation that last time he'd walked in.

"I'm just glad that you gave me another chance. I don't regret staying one bit, accepted the fact that there was no guarantee of the outcome I've been hoping for, was just glad to have you back in my life. I could see it in that first week when Jimin was still doing everything he could to keep us separate, could see it in your eyes that you hadn't changed one bit. You didn't like how touchy he was in front of everyone, especially as it got worse. I figured, if that hadn't changed, then I could probably still count on you bringing this up when you're ready.

"As much as I've still been hoping that you'd choose me, I accepted the fact that I'd still rather have you in my life than not. I decided, whatever happens, whenever you were ready for us to talk, whatever the outcome was, I wouldn't leave again. It's been nice just getting to be together even as best friends again, regardless of whether I'd get to call you mine in the end or not." Joon breathes out, his cheeks warming as he speaks. I can only imagine his shade of pink at least matches that of my own cheeks, grateful that we both seem to feel similarly in this situation.

I take a deep breath at what I know I want my next words to be, wishing my heart weren't trying to beat out of my chest currently so that this task would be a little easier.

"So will you? Will you still be mine, even if I've made you wait longer than we already had?" I murmur, feeling ungodly embarrassed at all of this at this point, even if it sounds like he feels the same. He giggles at my question though, that beautiful grin of his on full display once more.

"Of course, Yoon. You had me wondering if you'd ever ask." Joon giggles once more, causing me to grin.

He shifts himself on couch so that his legs aren't folded in front of himself, shifting so that he's got space beside himself as he reaches an arm out towards me. I bite my lip at the invitation, not hesitating to move myself down the couch so that I can curl into his side. As soon as we're both comfortable, I tip my head backwards so that I can look up at him with a smile, caught completely off guard when he takes the opportunity to turn my head just enough so that he can peck me on the lips.

I giggle softly at the feeling, reaching a hand up to ruffle my hair once returning to nuzzling my head into his chest, and I feel him chuckle at my reaction.

"You can stay the night, if you'd like, by the way. I figure you plan to be in early again, and it's incredibly late at this point. You're welcome to stay if you like, but I also understand if you'd rather not."