Deal With The Pain | Namgi

Chapter 5

Sighing to myself, I start up the stairs at the very back of the shop that leads to my apartment on the floor above it.

"Yoongi, you know I've been wanting you to move on from him for a while now. You should know there's no issues with letting a dead tie go." Geumjae says gently down the line. I bite my lip at this, knowing he would say something like this as I reach my doorstep.

"I'm just scared, hyung. I... I don't want to let him go. I don't want to give up on him yet. I know he's still a good person and that good person is still in him somewhere." I mumble defeatedly as I unlock my door. He sighs at this, clearly disagreeing.

"Yoongi, you've gotta let him go. Maybe that good person is still in there somewhere, but he's not letting that person out. You can't just let him keep walking all over you while you wait in hopes for something that may never happen, honey. He's only hurting you. If he wants to let the good side come back out, then he can come back, but that's not what he's doing." Geumjae replies softly. I whimper quietly at this, trying to hold back the tears as I shut my door behind me and lock it.

"I don't wanna lose him, hyung." I whisper with a shaky voice.

"I know you don't, honey. It's his loss though, okay? He's hurting you, Yoongi, and you don't need anyone in your life that's only going to hurt you. Right? That's why I took Daddy out of the picture after we lost Mom. He's better now though and wants to be better and wants to be apart of your life still, which is why I asked if you'd be willing to see us. You have to take care of yourself and protect yourself, honey. You've got some great friends. Focus your time and energy on them and everything else you've got going on. I promise, Yoongi, it'll be okay." He murmurs.

His words are like the final strike to the dam that had been holding my tears back. Plopping myself down on the couch, I put the phone on speaker. Setting it down beside me, my head falls to my hands, beginning to sob.

It's so hard. It's so fucking hard. He was my best friend. We trusted each other like no one else. I don't understand why everything had to fall apart. I don't get why he has to be this way. I wish it didn't end up like this. I wish he didn't leave me, and that he wasn't hurting me so much. I wish there were some way I could defend him, but there's just no fucking way.

"What if I end up like Dad did when we lost Mom though?" I question with a shaky voice as I look over to my phone. It's blurry through the tears, but I know my brother's still there.

"Yoongi, you're stronger than Dad was. Okay? You've got all of those great friends of yours that help you at the bakery and that come just to see you. You've got me. Okay? You know all of us would do everything we can to help you through this. I know it's gonna be hard, honey, but I know you can do this. You don't need to worry that you'll turn how Daddy did." He comforts soothingly.

I huff quietly at this, renting my head in my hands with a pout. Tears keep falling, but it's not nearly as bad as before. I force myself to take a few deep breaths to help calm myself down.

"I miss Mom." I whisper, my voice probably not too audible through the phone call. I hear him sigh softly though, and I know he heard.

"I know, Yoongi. We all miss her. She would be so proud of who you're becoming though, honey. You know she never wanted to leave you." Geumjae reminds me, tone delicate just like how he always used to use with me after she died. I smile lightly at the familiarity of it, missing my family so dearly.

"I know." I mumble quietly, smiling lightly at the picture of the four of us from my elementary days.

"Yoongi, you know you don't have to get that degree for her. I know you want to and you feel that you owe at least that much to her, but you don't have to. The bakery itself was so much more than enough on its own, honey. You don't have to push yourself to get it and risk breaking yourself." Geumjae murmurs gently. I close my eyes at this, lips trembling all over again.

"It's the least I owe her, hyung. I need to do this for her." I breathe out, voice shaking once more.

"Just take care of yourself first, okay? You don't have to do anything you don't want to do."