Lost on Titan

{Part 41}

~Videl~

After their steamy shower, they both got dressed and Kane helped Videl carry her bedding to the laundry. She blushed at the memories of her becoming voracious for pleasure as she punched in the settings. He must have noticed the look on her face and gave her a slow, easy smile - with a knowing look in his silver eyes, but he said nothing. They made their way to the kitchen and Videl started scrounging around for something to make breakfast for the two of them, as Kane prepared some coffee. She was as hungry as she was that first week out of Cryo. The music was still playing from the TV, making the morning feel like something out of a movie. Everything felt so right. She wondered if her parents had shared mornings as peaceful and magical as this, in these very same quarters, and the thought made a tear fall from her eye before she could blink it back. Her heart ached for her own loss, as well as theirs. She didn't want to feel that pain, she just wanted to be happy and content with the wonderful moment without her grief tainting it.

She didn't want to be sad for them. Especially for her mother. Her parents' love for each other had unfortunately ruined Videl's life, had stolen them away from her. Her mother couldn't live without her husband - she loved him that much. Videl's sorrow twisted into anger. She clutched the edge of the kitchen counter as the resentment squeezed her heart in a vice grip. 

Why didn't you love me, Mom? Why didn't you love me enough to stay? Did you even care about me at all? Did I mean so little to you?

As if she wasn't in control of her own actions, she walked past her parents' bedroom and into hers. She went right to the dresser where the family portrait was placed face-down. She flipped it over with fingers that shook with anger. Her mother looked up at her, with a baby Videl in her arms. Her eyes appeared to be filled with love for her family, and Videl scowled at the falseness she felt she saw in her mother's gaze.

"I hate you," Videl sobbed, spitefully. "I hate  you!"

Kane must have heard her voice from the kitchen, and he walked in her room with both hands carrying mugs of steaming coffee. He stilled in her periphery.

"V?" Kane's voice was laced with concern as he hurried to set the mugs on the dresser. Videl couldn't look at him - couldn't look away from her mother's arms cradling the daughter she would one day cast aside like garbage.

"She didn't love me," Videl croaked, her heart-wrenching pain vocalized. "She loved Dad so much it killed her! I hate that she loved him - I hate that she didn't love me like she loved him." Her words spilled out of her, laced with rage and hurt.

Kane's arms wound around her waist, but she jerked away from him, dropping the picture frame with a clatter like it was acid in her hands. 

"No!" Videl shrank away from him, trembling all over. "I don't want to love someone that much! I don't want to be like her!"

She turned away from him, but she could feel the pain radiating off of him with her rejection of his comfort. The hurt hung in the air between them like a poison cloud. Anxiety trilled in her chest, and her breaths started coming out - rapid and sharp. What if she already loved Kane as much as her mother loved her father? She couldn't take it back - she couldn't stop it. The thought filled her with terror. What if she lost him?

The room started spinning. She wasn't able to breathe properly and she swayed on her feet, her vision reducing and darkness tickling at her periphery, threatening to pull her under.