𝐃𝐄𝐀𝐑 𝐃𝐀𝐑𝐋𝐈𝐍𝐆 - 𝐌𝐈𝐍𝐒𝐔𝐍𝐆

33 | Are You Happy?

*Now playing - Die
For You by Joji*

"We need more days like this," Felix says with a smile, "Just hanging out, relaxing..."

"What are you trying to get at?"

Felix laughs and shakes his head "I just mean it would be good for us to spend less time at the shop"

I nod slowly "You will spend less time at the shop Felix, I won't make you work as much once you have adopted. I won't ask you to do that"

He sits up and fully turns his body to me as we sit on the couch, "I love working though, I don't like having nothing to do"

"I'm not firing you" I reassure him, "Just giving you fewer hours, it won't be a big deal--I'll give them to Dev"

Felix frowns "She has a lot on her plate already," He says lowly and I swallow harshly, I had promised the girl that I wouldn't spill her home life to anyone. Though, Felix is close to her as well--she isn't open about those things and I remember when I practically had to interrogate her into telling me the first time.

"It's fine, she mentioned something about wanting to save up money" I lied, and Felix looked at me and I shrugged "I try not to pry"

"I just feel so bad for her," Felix said and I nodded in agreement.

"Nothing can stop her, she's tough"

Felix smiles and before we can continue our conversation, a loud noise is heard upstairs. "No that's the wrong way!" Jisung's voice was heard loudly.

I furrow my brows and look to Felix who has a guilty look "I might've forgotten to mention that Jisung and Chan were over to help Changbin clean out the spare bedroom"

Jisung and I had made up and agreed to be friends but that didn't make it any less hard for me to be around him. How can I just be his friend when I know so much about him? The way he spoke softly when it was just the two of us, the smell of his clothes, his messy hair in the mornings, the taste of his lips... of him.

I swallow harshly and force a smile "It's fine, we made up"

Felix sits up and stares at me "Made up?"

I nod slowly "Yes" I confirm "We agreed to be friends"

"Oh," He said, before leaning back again "And you are okay with being around him?"

"Of course" I lied, sorta. I was okay with being around him if he didn't test my limits and if he didn't look at me a certain way. I knew I was still so very weak for him and that scared me. I feel like I've disciplined myself enough to have some boundaries between us but I wasn't sure what I would do if he pushed them.

Felix looks at me for a second before giving me a small smile "Everything will work out with time, Minho" he says.

I chuckle lowly "I know" I rub my neck nervously, standing up "I'm going to get something to drink" I tried to avoid the potential conversation.

Felix stands up as well "Okay, I should go check on the guys, Meet me up there?"

I nod "Okay," I said before walking out of the living room.

Walking into the kitchen I almost halted my steps but didn't, seeing Jisung in here--also grabbing a drink. "They're pretty excited about adopting, aren't they?" I make conversation with him, opening the fridge and grabbing something.

I turned to him and he was already looking at me "Yeah, but I see the stress in Changbin"

I furrow my brows "About what?"

"He mentioned some things about being scared of not being a good dad and husband" When he spoke it was like he too had these fears, making me swallow harshly and put the drink down.

"He will be, I mean he put up with you and that's a lot" Jisung laughs and shakes his head.

"I guess your right"

I shrug "I don't mean to brag but I tend to be right about a lot of things" Jisung smiles at me and I realize what I am doing, I clear my throat and grab my drink.

Jisung lets out a small sigh as the tension rises, "You look happy" He states.

"I should--" I try to escape yet another conversation but he interrupts me.

"Are you?" He asks, "Are you happy?"

I stand there, looking at him and I know he tried his best not to ask. He knew the answer and he knew it would hurt, but he still asked.

"You're asking if I'm happier without you and you always said I would be," I said lowly, fighting back the urge to cry but I had to be strong. I always had to be. "You said a lot of things to make me love you,  to make me hate you--but I never did. You always said things to make me stay and to push me away" I shook my head and Jisung stared at me, listening and breaking. "I lost so much of who I was trying to keep you," I said sadly, "But, moving on doesn't mean I've forgotten, it doesn't erase what we had. It just hurts less when I remember, but yeah. I am happier, and ironically that kinda makes me sad"

He said nothing as I walked out of the kitchen. He didn't try to make an excuse or lie, he just let me talk and leave. I wasn't sure if it was because he knew I was right or because he was just speechless.

All I knew was this just made our 'friendship' a whole lot harder to maintain.

*Now playing - Die
For You by Joji*