Hidden and Silent (SpyxFamily)

Ch. 15: Part Two

 Damian suddenly stopped and Anya jerked back before she rammed into him. He turned to her and she avoided meeting his eyes.

"Do you really believe what he said?" He asked quietly.

Anya looked down at her hands fidgeting with her hem and peeked side to side, very much feeling like running. She should. She should run and run and never look back. Why did she follow him? This was a terrible idea. She felt like she owed him and she couldn't shove it down. Stupid heart. Stupid morals.

"Are you seriously thinking of running right now?" Damian asked as if he had expected it and Anya jolted. "Can't we just talk." Damian said. "For once? You've been avoiding me forever and I'm sick of it!"

Anya inhaled shakily and her foot bounced on the floor.

Damian sighed and dragged his hands over his face. "I just want to talk." He complained. "You owe me that much!"

Anya flinched. His words were eerily similar to her thoughts. She bit her lip and nodded.

Damian inhaled deeply, clearly surprised that that had worked.

"You—you said you were scared." He mumbled at the floor he scuffed a shoe at.

Okay, Anya thought. She guessed they were doing this here.

She hugged her arms to her body.

"Because of what the director said." Damian continued and hearing him reiterate the words made her very jumpy for some reason.

"Are you going to let it stay that way forever?" Damian said softly, edged with apprehension.

Anya's eyes snapped to him then, his words like a hammer on the bell she was scared to touch.

Her father's lessons were strewn throughout her life like the roots of a tree. Some very deep and some that barely breached the surface. And all of them, like a shadow that followed at her heels.

Kai was the trunk, pushing the roots into the soil and draining the ground of it's nutrients.

Anya wanted to cut it down. She was trying. She had tried to participate in gym, to be a kid, she had tried to move past it, But the trunk was thick and heavy. It wouldn't budge and she was already exhausted.

She didn't want to consider that it might never fall.

"Wh—h-hey!" Damian's hands snapped out, hovering between them as tears slid down her face and she lowered her head. "Uh—uh—wh-why are you crying now?! D-did I say something wrong?!"

Anya dropped to crouch on the ground, hiccupping.

Damian went with her. "H-hey—um—"

"I—d-don't k-know." Anya cried and Damian stilled. "H-he w-won't go a-away!" Anya's hands formed into claws and clutched at her scalp.

"Uh—" Damian said, his hands slipping back. "Oh. . ." He responded insightfully.

The bones in Anya's chest rattled and her wet sobs clung in her throat. She gasped involuntarily and it made her shudder. She was so tired. Her body strained like her father was holding her back by a rope around her waist and she wasn't strong enough to cut the ties. She wasn't strong enough to step outside. She was stuck in that stupid cabin and even her best efforts to think like Demetrius, her desire to believe he was right, wasn't enough. Even if she managed to step out the door, her father would still be connected to her and hindering her way. He was the author of her life, scratching out the words she wrote and changing it to what it should be. He was the compass that directed her feet and told her which way to go. Her conscious reminding her what was right from wrong, reminding her of what could happen if she stepped out of line.

She collected herself to the point she had stopped hiccupping and shaking, and sniffled, lowering her hands to wrap around her stomach.

She was stuck. Wanting for the world Demetrius had offered, and trapped in the one her father had laid out for her.

Damian entertained the silence for another moment as Anya gathered herself, but he was compelled to cut it short. ". . .then. . .what do we do. . .?"

Anya placed her hands on her knees and plopped her forehead on them.

"C-can-can I do anything?" He mumbled.

She automatically shook her head no.

Damian seemed to take this as a personal insult on his capabilities and clicked his tongue. "I bet you, I could!"

"How?" She muttered tiredly, lacking any confidence he could follow through.

It did give him pause and he had to think for a moment. "Um. . I-I can be here." Said Damian in a soft mumble.

He was here, Anya thought as a pit weighed in her stomach. He had always been trying to be present for her and she had very purposefully ignored it. She couldn't afford to take it. She couldn't afford to let herself come to rely on him when she had to stay away from him. But it had already happened. He had calmed her panic attack. He had been a comfort and she already wanted it again.

She shook her head. She couldn't do it, she couldn't do it.

There were too many big reasons it was a bad idea and though he had somehow developed into someone who was suddenly reliable and familiar, he knew. She couldn't take that away and every look at him was a reminder. Every sound of his voice was an alarm for her to flee.