Hidden and Silent (SpyxFamily)

Chapter Nineteen

       Anya drew another card from the dwindling deck and added it to her menagerie of numbers she was finding more and more difficult to fit in her small hands. She was pretty sure more was better and it was easy to tell when someone was cheating when she had so many.

How many rounds had they played now?

She had lost count. There wasn't much to do and her parents hadn't put much thought into entertainment when they were fleeing their home that morning. They didn't have a tv. They didn't have much in the way of paper or crayons to draw on them with. And neither Damian or Anya had the energy or inclination to play pretend. Her papa had promised to pick up a game or two and some drawing implements when he went grocery shopping later, but until then, they had a deck of cards.

Go Fish. Crazy Eights. Cheat. They had played a few rounds of each, tending to sporadically make houses out of them.

It had been a quiet morning. There hadn't been much talking after they had settled in and there was something intrinsically lethargic about sitting around the coffee table after a stressful start to the day.

Damian was equally slow. There was a lot on his mind and half the time, he wasn't paying attention to the game they were playing.

It wasn't all bad though. The drowsy quiet was pleasant. A heavy peacefulness that sat in Anya's body like a ton of bricks. She didn't want to move. Lifting her arms was tiring and she leaned heavily on the table. She had half a mind to rest her head and close her eyes and—not fall asleep—but just exist in that moment that stayed still. Bask in the warm, suppressive quiet her body couldn't fight against. Didn't want to. To just give in to the lull and never move ever, ever again.

Anya's mama had joined the most recent round and placed two cards face down on the table. "Two Jacks."

Next was Anya's turn, so she had time to look carefully through her cards and check if her mama was cheating.

It had surprised Anya when Damian had first suggested cards. The knots in her stomach. The disturbing crawl on her skin. The twist in her heart. It wasn't like before. He had suggested a game and it sort of felt okay. It was just a game of cards, just a game, she could play a game of cards, a game of cards was harmless, she could play a game of cards.

It was the mantra in her head that had kept her from stopping. From letting her instincts from taking over and setting her back to square one.

She didn't want to stop. Well, she did, but she couldn't.

Anya had promised she wouldn't avoid Damian. She had decided to take a step forward like he had said and she couldn't stop playing cause she was afraid she'd step back again. Undo her own decision and yank down the rope Damian had dropped into the pit for her and doom herself for eternity.

If she couldn't hold onto the rope, she felt she might never get out.

"Cheat." Anya announced when she found she held three jacks in her hand.

Her mama flipped her cards over to show one jack and a three. "Well done, Anya." She smiled.

"Seriously?" Damian mumbled distractedly into his hand, leaning on the table like he might fall asleep as well. "She's got the entire deck."

Her mama only gave him a patient, amused look.

"Four jacks." Anya said and placed the cards on the table.

Damian snorted. "Cheat." He laughed and Anya gasped. "You're on queens, dum—I mean. . .um. . .Forger. . ." Damian's smile quickly fell when he noticed her mama eyeing him pointedly.

Anya gaped at her cards. She forgot!

She took back the cards she'd placed on the table.

"One king." Damian tossed a card onto the nonexistent pile that couldn't seem to stay there.

"Cheat." Anya said.

"Nope." He flipped it over. He was telling the truth.

Anya picked it up.

It was just a card. It was just a game. She could play a game of cards. It was just a game of cards. Just a game, just a game, just a game.