Hidden and Silent (SpyxFamily)

Ch. 15: Part Four

There was broken murmuring and Anya realized Damian had said something, though she hadn't been paying attention. She wanted to block everything out and just sit there. Let Damian hold her until she she could breathe again. Until all of the ache in her chest had dissipated and all her fears were chased away, and she knew it would never happen.

She settled for the ease in her lungs and for her eyes to stop leaking. As her high emotions drained away, her energy went with it and her bare arms jittered with cold after-nerves. She hiccupped once and rather than feeling in control of herself, she had slipped into an exhaustion that slowed her from excessive expression.

"Wh—what. . . " Damian rasped, trying to ask his question again and he couldn't seem to get it out. Anya was calming down and he didn't want to upset her.

And apparently, she had something in her left as she inhaled and exhaled shakily on his shoulder. "You did." Her whispered voice cracked at the reference. "You got hurt." She continued, barely able to lift her volume to something audible. "Anya's parents g—" She huffed a breath in and out. "They got hurt. And B-Becky. Bad things happen to people a-around me." She answered his unspoken question and he abruptly pushed them apart, holding the sides of Anya's shoulders at arm's length.

"That wasn't your fault!" Damian cried indignantly, glossing over his confusion of why her parents and Becky were included in that list, deciding now wasn't the time to ask. "They were the ones who kidnapped me, not you!"

Anya flinched at his sudden declaration and her arms tensed at his firm grip. He startled, realizing himself, and let his hands fall.

In a strange way, Anya wished they hadn't.

She cast her eyes down, fidgeting with her fingers, and inhaled shakily for the bazillionth time. "You don't get it." She mumbled, though she wasn't sure if she did either anymore. Her conversation with Demetrius had been a shock to her system and yet, she couldn't latch onto it. She couldn't forsake what she'd been taught and everything was confusing.

Damian was quiet for a long moment. "No, maybe not." He mumbled back and his shoulders drooped. "But, Forger—" He huffed with a heave of his shoulders. "He's—" Damian floundered helplessly. "He was the bad guy." He stressed, imploring her to listen to him.

Anya lifted her gaze to him and he took it as a signal to continue.

"Forger. . ." Damian said. "He was—" Another look around the hall. "He was experimenting on kids." He leaned towards her and spoke softly. "Why are you listening to what he said?! He's—" Damian searched for the words, but ended up repeating his previous statement. "He was the bad guy!" Damian's volume didn't raise, but his words were hard with conviction.

Immediately, he straightened away from her when her eyes sheened wet and she bit her lip to keep it from trembling. She studied her hands in her lap.

The bad guy.

At some level, Anya had known he was the bad guy, but hearing it out loud. . .hearing it at all. . . .

Her hands began to shake again and she clenched them together.

How many times had she thought that herself? When he had her do things she didn't want to do, or when he watched on as the doctors studied her brain, or whenever she couldn't sleep at night because of the wails haunting the corridors?

She had thought he was the bad guy, too. Until that night when he made her see things differently.

"F-Forger?" Damian's voice shook, worried if he had said something wrong.

Anya couldn't stop the tremor in her voice as her face shone wet once more with tears. "I-is-is he?" Anya stammered, broken letters slipping from her tongue and stilling Damian. She dropped to a hoarse whisper, as if she could take back her words if she was wrong, before the sliver of hope was taken away to crush her completely. "H-how do y-you know?" Anya asked, focusing on her hands

"Forger—!" Damian exclaimed, shocked. "Of course he is! It-it-it's common sense!" He spluttered, raising agitated hands as he rose up on his knees, and Anya knew she couldn't trust it.

That was right. He was an outsider. He didn't know how things worked at the lab. Things were different there. How many times had her father told her that outsiders didn't understand the same things they did?

But—

Anya hiccupped.

She wanted to believe Damian was right. More than anything.

She didn't know how.

"Forger?!" Damian dropped back down when she didn't respond. "Hey! You're listening right?! Everyone would say he's the bad guy! He—he's—" Damian tried, his aggressive energy needing an outlet. "He's—the villain! Like in Spy Wars!"

Anya hid her face behind her hands. "It's not that simple!" She cried.

"Yes, it is!" Damian insisted fiercely and pulled her hands away from her face to see the burning intensity in his eyes. "He is the bad guy!"

"What if he's right, anyway!?" Anya sobbed.

"He's not!"

"How do you know?!"

"Because I wouldn't want to live in a world that he could be!" He yelled, the words bursting angrily from his mouth, though not directed at Anya. Damian was just angry. Anya flinched back, but he still held her wrists. "I don't care if you're supposed to do what he says, no matter what, it's still messed up! Even if breaking these rules meant the sky would fall, then let it fall! I don't care! You think someone'll get hurt?! I was kidnapped, Forger, and I'm fine! There was a gun to my head, and I'm fine! Everybody is fine, and even if they weren't, it's not you're fault! It's the people who hurt them! You're not responsible for other people's actions! And what do mean we can't deal with you?!" Damian said, somehow even more upset. "We get along fine, don't we?! You belong here as much as the rest of us!"

"B-but—" Anya interrupted weakly, eyeing him like he was a dangerous, wild animal on the loose.

"What?!" Damian exclaimed incredulously. "Is there something else I'm missing?!"

"Who's skipping classes and yelling in the halls?!"