Jax Angst (WIP tittle and book)

Dear Diary

Dear Diary,

Today was as boring as yesterday. This time Caine set us a task to paint an image of our favourite person, which wasn't ourselves. When he said that he had looked at me. Yes I am my favourite person but no need to stare at me.

I chose Gangle. I chose her because I've seen her scared around me recently. I get i do keep smashing her mask and shoving her, but I never knew I went too far. I feel bad. When we finished we had to put them on a wall and guess who made who. I wasn't on there which hit me hard. Does no one care about me? I dunno. We had to stand by who we think made which one. Mine was third and no one thought it was me.

When I stepped forward saying it was mine they all stared at me. There was an awkward silence for a while until Ragatha spoke up. She was asking why. I could see that upset Gangle when she said that. I slowly walked over to her and she flinched. I knelt down and hugged her. I had closed my eyes, I didn't want to see anyone's reactions. I just apologised in which I think was a mutter. After the 'fun' was over I just went to my room. I hadn't realised Gangle followed me in.

My room wasn't much. Just keys that didn't work. I want to find that exit. I'm trying to stay stable but it isn't easy. I've been extremely close to abstracting I locked myself out of my room for a week. I sat in the corner and held my head tight. I feel like todays the day I find that exit. That's what my initial plan was. Until Gangle held my shoulder and asked if I was okay. I screamed like Kinger.

We looked at one another for a while until she sat down next to me, asking if I need to let my feelings out. At first I denied. They normally only ask one but when she asked again I broke down in tears. I didn't want to cry in front of any of them. She rubbed my back and listened to me. I told her about that I feel like I'm not cared about. I said I feel like I can't help the things I do to everyone, that it feels like I can't control what I do.

She listened to everything I had to release. Gangle reassured me that we do care and that she's there if I need. She held out her arms for a hug and I took it.

She then asked why I had so many keys and that there was more than the amount of rooms there were. I didn't want to tell her. I said that why was keys that I made incorrectly. She wasn't buying it. I held back my tears and told her that I'll tell her tomorrow.
She offered her hand and asked if I wanted to sleep in her room. She mentioned that I didn't have a bed and that she had a spare.

How could someone I've hurt be so kind. I took her hand and thanked her. She showed me the room and the entire place was amazing. Much better than what I've lived in. I laid in my bed for the night and drifted to a cosy dream.

I'll write again soon.
-Jax