MATHONGA

Season Finale

FUNOKUHLE-

Sometimes when I can't sleep, I take a walk outside. Tonight I'm thirsty and maybe hungry. I'll decide when I get to the kitchen.

It's Thursday night, we're at the Khanyile residence, here to celebrate Vukuzakhe and Mathonga's birthdays, and to witness Mathonga and Nala tie the knot.

The merged party is tomorrow, and the wedding on Saturday.

I find a slice of cheese cake in the fridge, I'm too lazy to boil water from scratch and make tea, so I settle on a barstool with my cake.

As the spoon slices into the cheese cake, my mind starts to wander. For some reason, the smoothness of it reminds me of Vukuzakhe. His gentleness, his irrefutable love.

I recall the day I opened up to him.

For the first time ever, we talked. He asked me one question, "How are you?"

The most difficult question I was always afraid to answer because for many years I didn't know the answer. He asked and I thought hard about it, it took a while to reply because I had to search myself. I wanted to give him the right responses, I wanted to let go of the past.

When all was said and done, I did something I hadn't really done since my father and brothers started abusing me. I cried.

I let go of repressed tears, emotions that I didn't want anyone to see, feel or hear.

The copying mechanism my mind forced me into had not been easy, hiding away the suffocating pain, tears and not being able to express myself emotionally.

Vukuzakhe hugged me with everything he had, while my body shuddered in his arms. He held me down with a silent promise to never let go.

I forgave myself, and everyone who ever hurt me intentionally and unintentionally.

Today here I am, picking up pieces of myself. Slowly building what I had lost all those years ago, my confidence.

"Hey, why are you sitting in the dark?" I didn't see him come in.

"I couldn't sleep," I say.

"I couldn't sleep either," he kisses my cheek, grabs a chair and settles down beside me.

I think I might know why insomnia has visited him, his divorce with Bongiwe has been finalised. She's taking half of what he owns, but that's not what he's worried about. He wasn't ready to separate from her, he never says it but I see it when he's talking about her.

There's guilt too, how she left and never looked.

"I can't stop thinking about Bongiwe, I wish I could turn back time and fix what I broke. She had dreams but I crashed them with my selfishness."

"You're not selfish Zakhe." It can never be him.

"How is she?" I have to ask, I am the reason that they broke up. Maybe one day we will meet and I'll get a chance to apologise to her. I was ready to share this man with her, he was never mine to begin with.

"I think she is okay, she is a strong woman. She's starting work on Monday..." his inquisitive eyes find me. "At Khanyile Holdings. Now that she has shares there..."

Yeah, that was part of the divorce agreement. My eyes follow him as he stands and strolls towards the fridge. He opens the door then turns back to me.

"Dance with me?" That's random, we were in the middle of a conversation. Dancing around the kitchen in the refrigerator light, in the middle of the night is somewhat strange. But I love it.