You'll Be Alright - Taylor Swift

Part 9

Taylor's POV

Ryan's preferences and anxieties have become the centre of my thoughts because it's clear that they have never been anyone else's priorities.

She's not a fan of beef burritos, but the chicken one? She absolutely adored it. Her curiosity even led her to sample a veggie burrito after a playful deception. I pretended that Mom's leftover burrito was one I got for her to try since she refused to taste anyone's food that she didn't think was hers. I think she liked that one, too, but not as much as she enjoyed the chicken one. I think it's safe to say she loves chicken.

It's clear Ryan has some food insecurity, and it's understandable. Dr Reynolds herself mentioned how malnourished Ryan is, and she's so tiny that it's clear she hasn't had regular access to food. If I had to guess, whoever she was with withheld food and ingrained it in her, she could only have what was hers. Something tells me she didn't get much at all.

I'm going to change that. From now on, whatever Ryan needs or wants, she gets—end of story.

However, what worries me the most right now is her evident terror of the hotels. She's been as stiff as a board since we arrived, constantly scanning her surroundings as if expecting some hidden threat. Despite all my attempts to comfort her, she remains unsettled, and it's heartbreaking to witness how deeply ingrained her fears seem to be. No matter how tight I hold her or how much I play with her hair, she just won't settle.

I can't seem to find a reason why she would hate hotels, but there's no doubt that something awful has happened to her in one. What did those people do to her? Why did they do that to her? I have so many questions, and a part of me wants to ask Ryan until I know everything. But I refuse to put her through the pain of having to remember. I refuse to have her exposed to any more pain than she has already suffered through.

And it breaks my heart that I can't figure out a way to bring her peace. Because the things that are clearly plaguing her right now aren't the typical monsters seven-year-olds face; her monsters are real and still out there. So how am I supposed to tell her it is all going to be alright? She knows first-hand how monstrous the world can be. She already knows that everything isn't alright. So, how am I supposed to make this better?

"Hey there, Buddy?" I ask, my heart aching to see her so distressed, knowing we've got to get out of here as I head to the bedroom so that I can start getting us ready to leave. I had initially planned to stay at the hotel tonight and head to Liverpool the next day since I have a free day tomorrow, and I am sure Ryan could use a break to collect herself after everything she has gone through the last few days. After everything she has been through the last seven years. Tree could deal with us going tomorrow; she'd probably just be happy that I'm willing to go at all. But given how uneasy Ryan is, I've decided to stick to Tree's plan.

Maybe being further from Scotland will bring Ryan some peace. I know it will definitely provide me with some.

Ryan's silence persists as her eyes dart around the room, searching for an unknown evil. I wish I knew who else was involved other than Lily. I wish I could find all the answers so that I could assure her she really is safe. But I don't know the answers, and while Agent Booth promised he would find them, I'm not going to hold my breath. The FBI and others have failed Ryan and me once; I'm not going to let them fail me again.

"How about you help me pack then? If I hand you things, can you put them in the bag?" I ask in another attempt to engage her, hoping that maybe doing something will get her mind off whoever is haunting her.

However, that's met with a heartbreaking whimper the moment I try to sit her down on the bed. So, we hurry through the packing process, with Ryan still in my arms, eager to leave the place as quickly as possible. No way am I letting her go while she is this upset. I'm never letting her go again, period.