Asylum (Steve Rogers AU) 18+

13

Dearest Dinah

This will be a good way for us to communicate away from the purposes of your treatment from now on. The sessions and this journal are all we have.

I dreamt of you last night, something of which I woke up feeling a little guilty of. But it made me realise that this 'relationship' now goes past that of a doctor and his patient. Something which I know that you are aware of too. That line has been crossed now we are talking freely through these words to one another.

You wouldn't think it appropriate with what I did dream about, and I will not repeat it here unless you want to tell me otherwise. You can tell me anything. Anything you want no matter how appropriate or inappropriate it may be.

These words are just for us. I know I keep saying it but I can't stress that enough.

After our session tonight, I'll probably dream of you some more. Especially if you respond to my advances. Don't think that I am not an honourable man, because I can assure you that I am. It's hard to stop myself from simply picking you up and having my way with you on my desk. But I do have some control.

I won't do anything without your permission. We need to be careful though. The last thing I would want to do is to put you in a position that would expose us both to what we will be doing. We can't risk that.

I want to be honest with you Dinah. Bad things happen here. I am sure you know that by now, it's an asylum after all. But just know that I will keep you safe. I promise.

Like I said before, this place could prove to be your sanctuary. A life (although you probably don't see it as that) away from your bastard husband where he cannot hurt you anymore - because I won't allow it.

Perhaps one day we will get to Australia. Make a life where no one will know us, and those who do will never find us.

Now it's your turn.

What will we do once we get there?

Steve.

**

Dinah had returned to her room after her session. Most of it had been spent hanging from Steve's lips. He'd handed her the journal and told her that he would see her in the morning. Once he had gone and the door was locked, she'd thrown it open to see what he had written to her.

She'd spent ages writing her reply, even though it was of a standard length. Somehow she felt as though she needed to now take extra care and time with how she would write back to him.

As she sat with Nat the next morning in the recreation room, shawl around her shoulders as the coldness of the building was making itself known more, her friend noted her look.

"You seem brighter". She said, leaning in so they could talk in private.

"I feel it".

"Your sessions with Doctor Rogers are helping? Or maybe the medication?" Nat questioned.

Dinah nodded. "The sessions are the key to my therapy - and perhaps finally being able to prove I'm not mad. But..." she trailed off.

Nat frowned. "What?"

"But I'm starting to wonder whether me leaving here would be for the best? If it were to ever happen that is. Somehow, I wonder whether the danger would be outside of these walls, rather than in..."

Her friend now looked uncomfortable. "I think both - but after what I've seen and gone through? I'm gonna say that".

Dinah watched her as she lifted the cup to her mouth and drank her coffee. It didn't taste great, more like muddy water, but she knew that it was a 'luxury' to even have such a thing when you were deemed mad. "Will you ever be able to speak of it? Do you have sessions to do so?"

Nat nodded. "Yes. Eventually - but it's not like I can discuss it freely while there's doctors and nurses roaming. Especially the superintendent. We'd need to be alone..."

"Natasha..." Dinah began and then paused. "Why can't you speak about it here?"

Nat looked around and then leant in. "Because it's dangerous. Anyone who goes to the Red Room doesn't come back out...but I did. They say I was 'lucky' - but I wasn't". She quickly leant back and busied herself drinking her coffee as one of the nurses passed. "We have outdoor recreation time tomorrow. I'll tell you more then". 

One of the nurses rang the bell which signalled for the patients to return to their rooms - Dinah rising from her chair and making her way back. Once the lock had turned, signalling imprisonment once more, she produced the journal and began to write.

Dear Steve 

I must admit something that I haven't yet confided in our sessions. Purely because I haven't wanted the moments to be ruined. I have nightmares, ones where John comes to take me away from here. From you. Although I am hoping that I shall be allowed to leave, part of me thinks that perhaps it would not be for the best. It would mean leaving a place where I am somewhat protected, and by you. 

It would mean leaving you. Something that I have come to realise that I do not want. At least I am safe in the knowledge that he would never come here. He doesn't write, he doesn't care - he was the one to send me here in the first place, purely so he could be rid of me. 

Maybe I should thank him for turning such a perilous situation into what could be a better one for myself. Do these sound like the words of a mad woman? Because I assure you that they are not. 

Do you have nightmares? You spoke of your dear wife. Does it ever leave you? I wonder whether John will finally be put to rest in my mind now he is no longer a part of my life so it seems. Even if I still bear his name. 

One day, when we finally get to Australia, the first thing I would do would be to simply take in the sun. I've heard they have a lot of it there, compared to the dismal weather that hangs over this place. What I would give to simply feel that sun on my face, my skin. 

Until our next session

Di x