Asylum (Steve Rogers AU) 18+

11

Dinah.

I don't usually discuss my private life, least of all with patients - however just this once, I am willing to open up about it. Especially if it means gaining your trust in me. I'm sorry you hold none yet, but I do not blame you. I wouldn't trust anyone either, especially myself.

I have no family. I had a wife, my wife died. That is mainly what happened. No children, and married for just a short time. She was sick, and from that she passed away. Not the best of times, but as a doctor I ensured that she did not suffer. It's part of the reason as to how I ended up here. I could not save her, so in return I wanted to save others. I needed a new challenge.

You remind me of her in some ways. Perhaps it is the decorum you possess, even though this asylum holds none. She was a gracious soul, and you are just as much so, even though you are here. Do not lose that, I will not allow it. If what you have written in here is anything to go by, then your husband is a fool, however you could always look at this place from a different perspective. It could be your sanctuary rather than how you see it as a prison. I know you cannot compare the two, but in this case? You hold more freedom than you would have had if he had chosen a different way to have you out of his life.

Tell me honestly, is he the type of man who would see your life taken, if this place had not have been an option? Would the pain and embarrassment have been too much for you to bare if you had stayed to hear it. When my wife died, it was the talk of the town, and from that I couldn't bear to hear another word.

I do not remember much of that time though, or after. Just bits and pieces until I'd found myself here. In a way I prefer it.

You speak of Natasha, and how you wish for her to leave. I have high hopes that she will as well. I've come to know her very well, and it is apparent that she has been placed here when it is not necessary. Unfortunately Superintendent Ross is a hard man to convince, but I am trying.

The more I learn about you from this and from treatment, the more I will know whether I shall be doing the same for you. I hope to.

Where would you go? If you were allowed to have that freedom to leave? Would you run back to your husband? Your family, in the hopes that you could change the narrative. Show them that he lied. Or would you just run? From your doctors perspective, I would advise the second. But the question remains, where would you run to Dinah? And if you could take anyone, then who would it be?

Doctor Rogers.

**

Where would you run to?

She had read that part over and over again.

Doctor Rogers had entered her room and handed her the journal, taking her pulse before nodding and telling her to get a good nights rest, before he walked out. At first Dinah thought that she had offended him, but then realised that he'd wanted her to get on and read his reply.

It was personal. More so than the last few pages that they had written to one another. This one was more raw, an insight into him and his life. Her heart had sank on him talking about his wife, but a strange feeling had fluttered when he had spoken about how she reminded him of her.

The last part though? It veered away from official questions that he'd ask her purely for the purposes of medicine, and her diagnosis. He was asking her as a friend as to what she would do. Not as her doctor. In fact the whole page had been written just that way.

In return, she would do the same. Writing to him, not to her doctor.

Dear Steven.

I hope you do not mind me using your first name. I felt this entry is a personal one to write.

You asked me where would I go if I had that freedom? Who would I take? Last night I dreamt that we ran together. We boarded and boat and made for Australia. That is as far as I got.

Just know that if I had any chance of leaving here, that I would never return to John. How could I after what he has done? Made me out to be? They think me insane with hysteria, when in truth I do not possess it. You must surely know that by now?

I meant no offence when asking about your personal life, and I apologise if it made you remember things you did. It want to again. Your wife must have been so wonderful, but I also want to apologise for reminding you of her with some things that I do. Perhaps we were brought up to the same high standards that our parents expected from us.

Was she of an upper class like me? I should love to hear more about her if you are able to tell me.

If you were to leave here, would you return home? Or start up a practice elsewhere? Perhaps work in a hospital? I am sorry for so many personal questions. I have a lot of things to ask. Just the possibilities of what could happen if I were to finally be able to walk out of here.

I should love to sail away, leave everyone and everything behind. But that is just a dream - one that I suppose would class me as mad if I were to share it with anyone else but you.

I can trust you with that at least. I do believe that you are a good man. It must be hard to be seen as one here in your position that you hold.

Until our next session.

Dinah.