Book 1: Leap of Faith -Charles Leclerc

Chapter 17

Chapter 17: August 10th, 2023

Charles glanced over at his clock. 10:30am. He couldn't remember the last time he wasn't up early and ready before the session with his trainer. But these days, he just couldn't find the strength or the willpower to get out of bed. Charles pulled the sheet over his head, groaning at the idea of getting up. Everything in his life took extra effort, only feeling normal when he had jam packed days filled with meetings and time in the sim. He usually lived for the long days with the team, diving head-first into the stats, but he couldn't find the joy in it anymore. He blamed it all on the DNF at Spa and the loss of his first place position. The team thought he was just feeling extra motivated after the loss, but no one had any idea about how Charles was using work to escape from his life.

It was mornings like this that Charles felt trapped by his thoughts and emotions, mainly the guilt that he had felt since the DNF. He had convinced himself it was guilt about being knocked into second place and letting the team down after how hard they had worked this year. He was guilty over the incident with Max, going over it a thousand times, seeing what he could have done differently to avoid it. This was why he was putting in double the amount of work, keeping the promise he made to himself to stay 100% focused on his dream. But this morning, like many others, something didn't feel right. He glanced over to the empty right side of the bed, thinking back to the last time it was occupied. His sheets smelled like her for weeks, even after he washed them repeatedly. He swore that he could smell it again this morning, motivating him to finally get out of bed and away from the memories of her. He heard a knock on the door. Groaning, he opened it up to his trainer with a confused look on his face.

"You okay? Usually you're knocking down the door by the time I get here to start our run." Charles' trainer, Sam, questioned.

"Yeah, I'm good," Charles lied, rubbing his face in his hands, turning around to go back into his room. "Just let me go get changed." After pulling on a pair of athletic shorts and shoes, Charles re-appeared to see Sam seated on his couch. It was a beautiful morning in Monaco, but Charles felt like there were only rain clouds in his head.

"Are we still going for a run?" Charles asked, standing by the door.

"Dude... I'm worried about you," Sam started, keeping his eyes on the floor. "You haven't been the same since Spa and I know I'm just your trainer, but we spend a lot of time together. I've noticed you've been different. Mental health is just as important as physical health, and you pay me decent money to look after all types of health."

Charles was taken aback at Sam's words. He thought he was hiding it well, trying not to let anyone in on the internal turmoil he had been going through. Charles sat down next to Sam, not sure what the right response was. All he could do was let out a deep sigh and put his head in his hands.

"You don't have to say anything, Charles. I know a great therapist here and I can get a meeting set up for you tomorrow. It's okay to not be okay. Maybe you could use a little extra support right now. There's a lot of expectations and everything on your shoulders. Talking to someone can really help..." Sam continued.

Before Charles' defensive walls could go up, he decided that it wasn't the worst idea in the world. He could finally have someone to tell everything to, and who was legally required to not sell his stories to the press. He looked back at Sam, nodding at him.

"Yeah, you know what, I think I'll take you up on that. Just the pressures and expectations of everything and everyone are really weighing me down right now, nothing else. Thank you for looking out for me."

The two of them bro-hugged it out before leaving for their run. Charles was desperate for a runner's high to bring him some serotonin.

**

The next day Charles sat on his living room couch, across from a middle aged woman named Jennifer. She was very kind in her introduction, stating her plethora of credentials before they started their session. Charles made sure that she wouldn't leak anything to the press, as she assured him that she was a professional and that all of their sessions would be confidential. Charles sat there, unsure where to start. He chose to start with when he started in motorsport, giving a brief overview of everything that has happened since then.

"Wow, that sounds like you have been through a lot in your life," Jennifer responded.

Charles had processed all of the losses in his life in therapy a while ago, and discussed that with Jennifer. He started talking about how things hadn't been the same since Spa, how he hadn't been the same. He felt the tears welling up in his eyes recalling the events of that weekend. He let them fall, knowing that it would only help him feel better.

"It was just such a disappointment. Going from so many highs, meeting all of the team's expectations, and then..." he trailed off.

"The team's expectations or your expectations?" Jennifer responded, leaning her head to one side.

The two of them dove deep into the expectations of his job, proving that Jennifer had never watched an F1 race in her life. She was shocked at how much of his job took over his life, but knew being a racing driver wasn't the only part of Chalres Leclerc. She asked him one question that could help her get to the real problem.

"What does your personal life look like? Outside of racing, I mean. Who is Charles when he isn't in a car? Are you in a relationship?"

Charles' skin went cold. His heart leapt into his throat, quickly swallowing it back down. He felt the tears welling up again, confused why they were there. He had no idea what to say, grasping for some thought, rationale, or even words to start explaining the answer to that question.

"I... uh... well, I was seeing this one girl..."

Charles kept it vague, desperate for Jennifer to drop the topic or switch it to anything else. But Jennifer was a good therapist, sensing the change in his body language with mention of this girl. She sat there in silence, waiting for him to sort through his emotions so he could form a sentence. Charles decided to tell her the full story, starting at the bench and ending with that day in his driver's room. The words came pouring out of him, and he finally started to feel better.

"...and that was the last time I saw her. I told her that I didn't need or want her and I told her to get out of my life," Charles winced at his words, cringing at how cruel they were. A few tears fell from his eyes, as if to mark the period at the end of his sentence.

The rest of the session involved him sorting through his emotions surrounding his relationship with Caroline. By the end of the session, he knew that he owed her a massive apology, discussing the best ways to go about it. As he walked Jennifer out of his house, Charles asked if he could give her a hug, thanking her for the session. He gave her a brief hug, thanked her again, and closed the door. Charles finally started to feel like himself again, knowing that this was exactly what he needed.

A while later, Charles grabbed his phone, deciding to shoot Carlos a text to check up on him, knowing that his friend was going through a breakup. After all, he had learned that sometimes you just needed someone to talk to. The two had plenty of time to chat and bond on their various flights, and Charles got the full story when Carlos showed up with puffy eyes and tissues. Charles had seen the photos of him at the club with some random girl that were circulating on social media this past week and was really curious about how he was doing.

Hey mate, how are things going? Saw you were at the club this weekend. Any rebounds?: CL

CS: Hey mate! Oh god, that whole night was such a blur. You could say I'm doing alright. I've just been doing everything I can to keep my mind off Marie, including a bit of a rebound. How are things with you and the girl you won't talk about?

I really fucked that one up. I'm going to try to fix it though. Glad you're doing okay, I know how hard it is to stay sane in our line of work.. :CL

CS: Will you be at the meeting next week? Let's grab a pint afterwards.