Fine Line

Words of Wisdom

It was the morning after Ella had arrived at her Nans. She had stayed up into the early hours with her Nan, she had spilled every last thought and emotion out.

How she had felt confused about her attraction to women, starting with Alessia then Ona. Her devastation over Joe but her longing for Alessia, turn despise of her best friend. Every single feeling she had over the passed 3 months, she told her Nan and it felt like such a relief. Her mind still raced but it felt manageable.

Her Nan knew her better than she knew herself. It allowed her to explain to Ella why she had the emotions and reactions she did in detail back to the midfielder. Helping her find her own mind again.

Ella always had company, no matter who or what it was. She was very rarely alone. Her Nan told her to embrace those moments instead of fear them, because that's when Ella would find the solution to madness.

"It takes a very brave and soulful person to be able to sit in silence with themself Ella. Moments of quiet aren't to be feared love. Endear them. Envy them because they are when we learn the most from ourselves."

The words of wisdom had sat heavily with the brunette. She mulled them over in her mind as she drifted into sleep.

***

For the first time in months, she had a solid nights sleep and she felt it when she woke up. Her pillow wet from her dribble, her body ached and was stiff all over from her not moving a single muscle while she slept. It was arguably the best night sleep she had ever had. Pulling the sheets off her legs she stood up, catching herself in the small mirror that hung on the wall.

The dark circles that surrounded her gaunt eyes were gone and her eyes seemed full of life again. She smiled. Feeling light. She pulled her dressing gown on heading downstairs, she could smell breakfast.

"Ay Nan, what you cooking up?" She rounded the corner.

"Bacon Sandwiches, love. Do you want one?"

"Oh yes please!" Ella replied with excitement. She loved her Nans cooking. She pulled up a chair by the kitchen table sitting down.

"Oi what you doing!" Her Nan shouted over "Get the kettle on!"

Ella laughed at her Nans outrage.

"Do you want one?"

"What do you think?" Her Nan answered sarcastically as she stood at the hob, pan and utensil in hand.

Ella felt at home. Her body relaxed. She was genuinely happy. This was the perfect place for her to recharge her mind and body ready for Australia.

She ate her breakfast and sat with her family for a while, before getting ready and heading out to her hair and nail appointments, freshly followed by getting her lashes done.

***

Each day she woke up at 4am, like she had before she moved out into Manchester. Making herself a healthy protein filled breakfast before heading out on a run.

Ella ran the same route as she did when she was a teenager. She found solace in the way her home town of Tyldesley had aged considerably but at the same time not at all. The midfielder took in the cold spring weather, she was stripping herself back to the basics. Rebuilding herself from her roots.

With each passing day she felt tension release from her body with an immense feeling of relief blanketing her mind.

She and Alessia hadn't spoken on the phone for a little over two weeks now. It had all been via text message, and even the exchanges on text were short. Ella didn't feel the constant desire to reach out to Alessia or Joe for that matter. She had become very conscious of allowing herself that time alone to process and ground herself. Treating her nans advice as though it was law.

Ella had spoken to Mary the most. The goalkeeper, was emphatically excited for the World Cup. They had decided that Mary would come and stay the night at Ella's nans before driving to St.George's. That way they didn't have to take two cars and could catch up while on the drive.

Things were looking on the up. She was jittering with excitement as the day arrived for Mary to drive down and meet her.

"Mearps!!" Ella shrieked as she seen the goalkeeper emerge from her car.

"Oh there she is" she chuckled, swinging a small backpack over her shoulder.

"I've missed you" Ella wrapped her arms around Mary.

"Oh you're dramatic" she laughed, patting her back.

"You're looking really well though, mate" Mary beamed, throwing her arm around Ella's shoulders as they walked up the garden path to her Nans front door.

"Thanks!" Ella replied joyfully. "I needed to connect with home a bit"

"I get that! But I'm glad you're feeling better" Mary rubbed her shoulder, breaking away as Ella opened the front door.

The goalkeeper fitted straight into the atmosphere. Ella's family throwing a small going away party for the two. A very sweet gesture that lifted both their spirits.

Mary could see the lightness in Ella's step, she had been apprehensive prior to meeting with Ella. Knowing how fragile she was when she left Manchester. The goalkeeper had felt terrible for leaving her and even worse for keeping the real reason behind why she was gone, from Ella.

Over the past month they had grown unbelievably close. Mary felt a responsibility to Ella, as though she was a younger sister. She felt the need to protect her. The goalkeeper didn't know whether it was guilt making her feel that way or genuine friendship. Something she would need to ponder. Either way, Ella was now one of her best friends. She had her back no matter what and to be able to start this incredible journey at her side felt like a privilege.