I Moved On, Why Don't You

Silver Linings, Dark Clouds

Joel's pov

I shivered slightly as the doctor . . . Dr Gregory Williams placed a cold gel on my stomach to check my baby's condition. As his moved the wand around my stomach, I bit my lip nervously, waiting for his verdict.

"Well, this little guy________."

"Or girl."

Smiling indulgently at my mom, who had interrupted him, Dr Williams nodded in agreement.

"Or girl is perfectly fine. You'll still have to be careful Joel, your baby is still at a delicate stage, you'll have to stay relaxed . . . don't do anything that causes undue stress."

"Yes, Dr Williams."

"And the other good news, your wounds are healing nicely . . . one more week in the hospital and you should be able to go home."

"Did you hear that baby, everything's going to be alright."

I nodded, but my mind was focused on Joey . . . he hadn't come back to the hospital since that day and a week's passed since mom has heard from him, I know he can take care of himself, but I just can't help worrying about him.

"Joey's fine, honey. I called around and found out that he's staying with his friend, Anthony."

"Ok."

Dr Williams gave me some paper towels to wipe the gel off and I quickly cleaned myself up and made my way back to my room, curled up in the bed and fell asleep.

Later That Night

'Joel wake up!'

Groaning, I slowly opened my eyes.

'What's wrong Demmi?'

'Something's wrong with our pup!'

My wolf's panic bringing me fully awake, I closed my eyes again, focusing my senses and narrowing them on my baby's heartbeat; but I couldn't hear anything.

'Mama, help me . . . the baby . . . there's no heartbeat!'

My mom came into the room a few minutes later, her eyes wide and panicked as she rushed over to me

"Just calm down honey, everything's okay."

"No, the baby's dead . . . I couldn't protect it."

"Linda, what's wrong?"

I looked up in confusion, to see Dr Williams entering the room behind my mom.

"Linda?"

My mom gave me the "I'll explain later look" before turning to Dr Williams.

"The baby . . . it's heart isn't beating."

"Let me check."

Putting his stethoscope in his ears, he placed the other part on my stomach and paused listening for any signs of life. Finally, after several minutes, he moved away, shaking his head.

"I'm sorry Joel."

I let out a heart wrenching scream as the loss hit me and then I completely fell apart. I could hear my mom calling me, but I couldn't respond, my mind and heart too caught up in grief and as the hours passed, the grief became guilt, anger and self loathing, before it all faded into emptiness. Dropping to the mattress, I curled into a ball and shut out everything around me.

Linda's pov

How could this have happened? I was finally getting my son back and now I had to watch him shatter completely? I guess Dr Williams could see that I was about to lose it, because he gently grabbed my arm and pulled me out into the hallway.

"Linda . . . I'm so sorry."

"Please don't . . . this isn't your fault."

"I know you don't want to hear this right now, but everything is going to work out."

"You're right, because I'm taking my boys and leaving this pack ."

"Where are you going to go?"

"I don't know . . . I can't take my boys away from their friends and I have a job here . . . I don't want to start over, but I can't just selfishly let my child suffer because I'm afraid of a fresh start."

"You wouldn't be alone Linda, I'll do whatever I can to help you."

"Why?"

"Because I think you're a wonderful woman and even though we just met, I'd like to be a part of your and your boys' lives . . . if you'd let me."

"Yes . . . I'd like that too. I don't think I can do this alone anymore."

"Alright, how about when Joel is feeling better we start with dinner, just the four of us?"

"Sounds good. Now I'd better get back to Joel."

Smiling, Dr Williams kissed me on the cheek, chuckling quietly when I blushed.

"Alright . . . and please call me Gregory."

I let a smile of my own cross my lips, but as I entered Joel's room, it quickly fell away.

"Hey baby."

"Hey mama . . . mama . . . I wonder what my baby's voice would have sounded like calling me mama. I wonder if it would have been a boy or a girl . . . either way I would have loved it because it was mine. Do you think I would have made a good mom?"

"Yes, baby you would have been a wonderful mom."

"He said it was because I seduced him."

Caught off guard by the change of subject, I could only stare silently at him for several minutes.

"Who, baby?"

"Ja . . . the boy that attacked me, he blamed me for leading him on, but I barely even spoke to him. Is this really my fault?"

I opened my mouth to answer, but I knew nothing I said would convince him to stop blaming himself.

"Why don't you try to get some sleep."

"So you think it's my fault too?"

"Joel, from the day you and your brother were born, all I wanted to do was wrap you in my arms and never let anyone else in, so I'd know you'd never have a chance of being hurt, but I knew I couldn't do that . . . I had to let you grow up and find your own path. After what happened with your dad, I did my best to make sure noone would ever hurt you again and it breaks my heart to see you blaming yourself because someone got past my defenses and I wasn't able to keep you safe. If this is anyone's fault, it's mine."

"Please mom . . . don't."

Joel reached out a hand towards me, but suddenly jerked it away.

"I-I'm sorry . . . I can't . . . I'm sorry mommy . . . so sorry."

Watching my son breaking down for the second time in as many days, I made up my mind . . . I wasn't going anywhere, I was going to stay and make things right for my baby even if I had to stand alone against the whole pack.

"It's okay baby, everything is going to be okay."