To Love Again

Chapter 7: tired

I talked with Alana on the phone all the time.
She was really cool and kind've reminded me of...never mind. We met up that Friday at a local bar and talked more.
I found out she went to the community college near by and that her parents were divorced.
"My parents might as well." I say sighing and taking a sip.
"As in?" She asks confused, blowing some weed
"They don't even talk to each other and if they do, it's usually just fighting." I say trying to laugh it off.
"Damn. I can't imagine living with that." She says sadly
"Bitch it got so bad that I didn't even really live  their for a while."
"Really who'd you stay with?" She asked
"My old friend. We're not really cool anymore though." I say blankly. Thinking about Cassie makes me go numb.
"Why?"
"I don't know if I really wanna talk about it." I say grabbing a blunt
"Well you don't have to but I'm no gossip and I ain't gonna judge you or nothing." She says kindly
"Okay...your the first person I'm really talking to about this but...so I dated this peace of shit on-and-off for like 3 years right? And she went and fucked him when we broke up." I say, still not giving the full details.
"That's really fucked. I'm sorry." She says taking another sip
"And it's not even the fact that she fucked him. It's the fact that she knew all the shit he did and didn't fucking care. And their still together now. She lives with him." I say dry.
I only know this cause I heard from BB that Nate and Cassie moved in together earlier this week. Hearing that made me physically ill for her. Living with Nate sounds terrible.
"What did he do?" Alana asks
I go silent for a minute and it's like she knows the answer from the pure silence.
"Girl I'd fucking kill the bitch." She says taking another sip
"I wanted too trust." I say laughing lightly. I start to play with my nails before she hands me a blunt and we talk about her life.
"I'm in therapy cause I went to this party and long story short I drunk something and woke up the next morning not recalling anything. But I saw a condom on the floor and my legs were covered in blood so..." she says bouncing her leg
I just give her a hug.
It's like, strangely we have this connection and immediate understanding. I haven't clicked with someone this well since...fuck never mind.
"Shit it's raining...I literally can't walk all the way back to my dorm without my hair getting messed up." Alana playfully whined
The bar is right below the house so I called my boss and asked if she could stay the night in the guest room.
When we get to the house the kids have been sleep for hours as it's nearly 1 in the morning.
And of course Mr Smart ass was still awake.
"Perez, your home late." He grins annoyingly
"Nice to see you too asshole." I say with a fake smile, "Bryce this is Alana. Alana this is the most annoying person you'll ever meet." I say with a grin and a eye roll.
I don't know if it's obvious but I'm blushing.
Me and Bryce had not talked all month.
It wasn't like I didn't want to but like things were starting to get complicated.
"She's already met her." Bryce shoots back playfully. Alana starts smirking at me and I already know.
"Bitch, your totally in love" Alana giggles when we get upstairs.
"Really? not you too come on." I say annoyed that yet another person is saying this.
"Girl I can tell when people have fucked...or when they're about to." She says playfully
"What? I don't want to fuck...your crazy. Here's some clothes to sleep in goodnight." I say kind've annoyed but she just laughs.
She sleeps in a guest room next to mine.
And I start to doze off feeling quite happy cause it's nice to have a friend, and maybe cause I really wanna fuck Bryce.
And it's like anytime I feel happy, that dream wants to come. I hadn't really had it in a few weeks but of fucking course.
Alana comes in my room and turns on the light.
"Nate, stop it...."
"Maddy wake up." She shakes me awake and I feel tears going down my face. Again.
"It's just a dream Maddy. Breathe." She says calmly walking over to my bed
She hugs me, something I guess I really needed because I start bursting into tears. Not loudly to wake anyone. Didn't need that to happen again.
"What were you dreaming about, Maddy?" She asks softly
"Nothing." I lie.
"That's not true. I heard you. It was some guys name. Was it about your ex?"
I clam up and start to feel tears well in my eyes
"Yeah..." I say holding back my tears
"Is it actually a dream?" She asks
Part of me wants to deny again cause last time I opened up to people they betrayed me.
But honestly I was tired of saying nothing.
"I wish. It's this tiring ass dream about when he had broke into my room and...pointed a...pointed a gun at me and then pointed it at himself to get something I stole from him." I say holding back tears and choking up.
"What the fuck? Maddy, that's some weird shit. Have you told anyone?"
"I mean now yeah. But i can't really say anything cause I did some fucked up shit to protect him in the past and-"
"What did you do?"
"Your probably gonna want nothing to do with me after-
"Maddy based off the shit you told me, none of it is fully your fault."
"He had um, he had choked me and I didn't want him to go to jail cause I still loved him, I still love him." I admit.
"He somehow convinced this guy I fucked at a party who I guess was like twenty something while I was like 17, to take the blame and I went along with it." I say tearing up. It felt like a weight lifted off my chest. The only other people who knew this were Cassie and of course Jules.
I used talk to Cassie about it, but she's a backstabbing bitch so I can't now.
Kat kind've knew but we didn't really talk about the fucked shit I had did.
Bb was never sober for this conversation. And me and Jules collectively wanted to forget about the situation.
"I mean it was wrong but he was the one who manipulated everything."
"Yeah the law won't fucking care." I say dryly
"Well a therapist might. I think you could talk to someone. It helps, like a lot. Trust me."
"No, fuck I don't know." I say not sure if it would be a good idea.
"Seriously. I'll pay for your fucking sessions but I really think you should go. Please" Alana said begging
"Okay." I say hesitantly wiping a tear.
It felt nice to finally talk to someone about this.
That heavy feeling in my chest that had been there since me and Nate's first breakup felt slight less...heavy.

Bryce pov:
Maddy didn't hear me near her door but everything was starting to make a lot more sense. Like a lot. I didn't even really mean to listen in.
I walked up to check on her and I heard her talking and decided for some reason, I needed to know what was going on with...my co worker.
Who I have made out with. I didn't suspect it was that bad.
Now I feel like an ass for what I a few some ago when she first got here.