BROKEN BUT HEALING

Rejected

How do you feel when your crush asks you out ? And how should I feel now ? Should I dance in excitement ? Or bury myself in modesty ? .... Wait i should just run from here , right ? And that's what I didn't do ! I just looked at him searching for a slight glimpse of honesty , loyalty , truthfulness .. is he serious ?? or not what ? But before that . I myself don't know what Love is . How can I judge his love for me ? From a small age , i never got a little bit of affection how can I conclude if he truly likes me or loves me ?? Tbt , i really don't know what one liking or one loving someone means .... Aren't they the same ? You first like them and in future when your affection grows it turns into love isn't it? Yeahh i said he's my crush but not everyone's crush could become your life partner. At least I think like that , and in my perspective I'm not at that stage where I can like or love someone.... I have a lot of mess to handle in my life and i cannot become responsible for such a big thing , it's not like I don't want to date him , seriously if I was in a good state of my life I would have given him a chance but I have to be responsible for myself first . then I'll think about other thing , i can clearly see hope in his eyes even if i cannot say if there is any love or affection in them ..... It made me feel soo sad and in guilt that I was an ant close to accept it but no i cannot drag him in my mess .

" Erm ... William " I paused a little thinking am i taking the correct decision? Common just think about it , your own crush is asking you out , who the hell declines?
" i don't think , I'm in that state to date someone, or go on Dates ? I-i'm Sorry "

Yeah I did it !!! I did it ! , Me type of bitches decline a date when your Crush asks you out . Damn it Ann, only if your situation was stable.

" Oh " just that ? Oh ? , God !!!! Was he that much disappointed? Shit .

*Cough *cough.

"Act-ually , .... Actually it's my first time getting rejected so" he laughed out embarrassed scratching his head back .

" Ah , hm yeah-h i-i'm Sorry"
i apologized again.

"Nooo, you no need to apologise ... It's alright"

he said and came a little closer looking deeply in my eyes, he stood like that for a long second but held my both hands, bending a little to meet my height and he smiled sadly .

"No problem , i respect your decision Sunshine "
he said bopping my nose like he always does, but what he said next made my heart stop a beat for sure .........

"I can wait " .

He chuckled and stood back smiling seeing my expression the moment he said that . Trust me a flood of emotions rushed into me that made me get emotional I can feel that my eyes are filled with tears now, I looked at him seeing him change his facial expression from smiling to concern and worried but that didn't mind me because it reminded me of something...... or someone?

Yeah the day where I was crying my eyes out that he would at least say that he'll wait for me , 'Ryan' I never knew I would be crying again by listening to this sentence again . I cried back then to hear that sentence and I'm crying again after hearing it . I covered my face with my hands and let out .

" Hey , i-i ,.. what happened? , Why are you crying? Ann ... Look at me here , see I'm sorry, i didn't know it would make you cry , or else i wouldn't -"
he panicked but tried consoling me .

I shook my head when he was about to complete his sentence i wasn't crying because he asked me out .... I don't even know why I was crying.

" No, it's not your fault..... I don't know why I'm crying " i said smiling a little and wiping my eyes , looking at him ... He sighs in relief seeing me smile a little.