BROKEN BUT HEALING

Second Confession

Going inside a room  he pulled me inside leaving my hand and walking towards the door locking it up .... I turn facing my back to him ,  folding my arms near my chest.   Turning me around to face him , he pulled me by my waist towards him . His one hand was wrapped around my waist and another one was on my nap , caressing it slowly... he looked at me straight into my eyes without Blinking, which i mimicked him ... 

"Why are you doing this to me ??"

He said in a deep voice slowly for just me to hear though there was no one in the room ... I felt a different sensation near him , having him so close to me .. and today there was no Max to disturb us  ... my heart was racing at a manic speed.  I was just looking in his eyes which  showed a different emotion which I didn't see in three years . I was confused about what he said ,  but suddenly yet slowly he brought his face closer to me and I didn't go back this time or try to push him.

" i cannot control myself anymore Ann "
He said .

I frowned for what he said . He rested his forehead on mine and  caressed my cheek along with it . It felt soft and nice being in his arms, more importantly I felt safe and comfortable just like i felt back then .

" you know that I love you right??"
He asked ..

In this 3 years he never took this topic, but today talking about love ..... suddenly made my heart rate get fast , and my breath fast . I certainly can feel that something is about to happen and just thinking about that made my fingers and toes get cold .. removing his forehead from mine and looking at me but there wasn't the same emotion in his eyes like before but sadness in his eyes. I looked at him for a mere second realising where this conversation was going and feeling my heart slowly taking its speed again ,

' why is my heart acting like this ?? Fast slow , and again fast '
i nodded breaking the eye contact looking down .

" look at me Ann "
he said with a soft voice.

I looked at him to see so much affection his eyes were holding for me , but there was still  somewhere sadness too in his eyes. I don't know why .

" Till how long should I wait ?? Every time I see you ....i just want to pull you by your neck and slam my lips on you " (That took my breath away, that was seriously so sudden) "Every time I see you getting angry I want to shower your whole face with my kisses until you smile , every time I see you wearing these dresses making them glow by your Beauty It makes me want to hide you from all the men looking at you ... I feel jealous when someone looks at you , i feel like how can I let go of this Angel when I want her in my life so damn much .. i know I said , i won't force you to like me .... but i cannot control my feelings anymore. I want you in my life , or If cannot have you .... i should leave" (he said adoring me like I'm some kind of doll .... his eyes water a little bit he back then up by blinking and gulping it hard , it hurt me to see him like this )
"I could never see you with anyone, I could never see you being happy in someone's arms. Just imagining it makes me want to punch the wall . I could never love someone as much as I love you . You know a minute ago when I saw that kid , I imagined myself having kids with you . Am sorry but I did .... I wish to start a family with you .... I wish to marry you.  I wish to see you nag about our kids, and me taking their side . I wish to see our little Once. I wish to grow older with you Ann . I don't know when I became so crazy about you , but I did .... I guess it's then when I meet your eyes in the call service for the first time ?? I knew I wanted to stare at them forever. It's then when I heard your laugh , I knew i wanted to hear over and over , it's then when i held your hand , I knew i wanted to hold them every single day .... (He sniffed a little, removing his hand from my waist and from my nap , holding my hands softly looking at them ....he continued)
"I love you enough to fight for you , compromise for you , enough to miss you deeply, (he looked up with his red eyes making me feel emotional too a little bit)...
"No matter the length of time or how far apart we are . enough to believe in our relationship to stand by your side to hold your hands through ups and downs to have faith and strength in our relationship , to never give up on you . I love you enough to spend forever with you each day I fall more in love with you ..... though we don't spend a lot of time like we usually did back then , there isn't or wasn't a single sec where i didn't think about you . Jinja ( really) , (he again sniffed and gulped) "making me realise no amount of time is ever enough and even one day forever will run out but i decided that will be fine , because getting to love you is worth it. You're my favourite person... "
he ended .