✓ BECAUSE WE WERE YOUNG | NIKI

4 - I Like You Too

Niki and I sit in the garden, staring at the world around us. I hesitantly tap his arm so he turns his attention towards me. When he turns to face me, his eyes, deep and mesmerizing, meet mine. "Do you like Hope Haven?"

There's a moment of silence, where the only sound that can be heard is the sound of birds whistling and the wind that goes through my hair and makes Niki look like he's part of a living, breathing painting. I expect a yes, or maybe a no, but not what he actually signs. His hands move gracefully, forming words that I can now understand. "I hate it." Words that make me freeze for a moment. Before I get to ask why, he takes a deep breath and starts signing again. "Always silent. Can't hear laughter, can't hear music. Can't hear the wind or the rain. Silence hurts."

The silence he mentions isn't just the absence of noise; it's the absence of an entire auditory world. Suddenly, the vibrant colors and the soothing sounds of the garden seem bittersweet. I'm struck by the realization of the things I take for granted—the hum of everyday conversations, the melody of a song, the comforting patter of raindrops. For Niki, these are distant luxuries he can only imagine.

"I'm sorry," I sign, not knowing what else to say. My words feel inadequate, a feeble attempt to bridge the gap between his silent world and mine. How do you comfort someone who's not just dealing with a loss but an absence—a void in their perception of the world? "I wish there was something I could do," I sign, my fingers forming the words slowly. "Something to make it better."

He looks at me, his expression softening. He signs, "You being here, talking to me, that's enough. It's more than most people bother to do."

I can't imagine just how hard it would be to be among people and feel disconnected as if you're living in a world different than everyone else. Just how lonely it must feel to have thousands of words trapped within, unspoken and unheard. "Do you know what this is?" I sign and point at my oxygen tank, and when he shakes his head, I smile and sign, "It helps me breathe. I have trouble with my lungs."

Understanding dawns on his face, and he signs, "Is that why you're always carrying it?" He reaches out to touch the oxygen tank gently, his fingers tracing its surface. I nod, appreciating the fact that he's trying to understand my world just as I'm trying to comprehend his. "What happens if you don't have it?"

I swallow a lump that suddenly forms in my throat, making my voice softer as I sign, "It becomes hard for me to breathe. Sometimes, I can't catch my breath, and it feels like the air is slipping away." I hate that feeling. I hate not being able to control something as basic as breathing, a fundamental act that most people take for granted. "So, this little companion here," I tap the oxygen tank gently, "makes sure I can keep up with the world around me."

"I see." He signs and for a moment, he traces circles on the oxygen tank while I just watch the way strands of hair fall on his forehead, or the way his eyes seem to hold a world of thoughts. "Aren't you curious about how I can play the piano while I'm... deaf?" I stare at his fingers and then at his eyes, curiosity lighting up my expression. Niki takes a deep breath before he starts signing, "I used to play the piano when I was young. I could hear sounds and everything around me, but after I got into an accident, I lost my hearing. It was like someone had turned off the volume on the world. But I memorized the sensations of the piano keys, the way each note felt under my fingers. Even after I couldn't hear the music, I could still feel it."

I watch him in silence, and I find myself smiling. "You play beautifully. You know what they called you? A piano genius."

"Who?" He signs, frowning slightly before I point at the window where Jake, Sunghoon and Jay have been watching us all along. Niki tilts his head to the side, noticing them for the first time. Their faces light up as they catch Niki's gaze, and Jake gives a thumbs-up. "I thought they hated me." He chuckles and my heart flutters at the sound. It's like discovering a hidden treasure, a melody that has been silent for too long.

"No, they don't hate you. They want to be friends with you." Perhaps the word friends is a little unfamiliar to him because he pauses, his fingers momentarily still. Then, a small smile forms on his lips, and he nods.

"Friends." 

And the next thing I know is Niki and the three guys surrounding me. We're back inside Hope Haven and in the room where everyone gathers. Neither can understand the other's language but they somehow manage to communicate through shared glances, gestures, and the universal language of kindness. "Y/N, tell him that we wanted to spend time with him but we just didn't know how to approach him," Jake says, nudging my shoulder.

I turn to Niki, signing Jake's words, and his eyes light up. "It's okay. I wasn't very approachable, I guess."

Smiling, I shake my head. "This is Jake. This is Sunghoon and this is Jay. They are very nice."

"You just signed our names, didn't you? Why is my name so long?" Jake teases, and I playfully roll my eyes at him.

"He's joking," I sign to Niki, who raises an eyebrow but then breaks into a small smile.

"I understand joking," He signs back and I laugh, shaking my head in disbelief. Seeing Niki smile so beautifully like this makes my heart flutter. For a few seconds, we hold eye contact and I feel my cheeks warm up. Shit. I look away, pretending to be interested in the card game that's still laid out on the table.

"Do you guys want to eat ramen? Heeseung makes the best ramen in town," Jay says out of nowhere, probably because his stomach growled at the thought of food. Heeseung, the chef at Hope Haven, is known for his cooking skills, they say. 

He signs, "Let me help," and I smile. As we walk to the dining area, Niki keeps pace with me, his fingers tracing the contours of the oxygen tank with a gentle curiosity. There's a comfort in his silent presence, like a gentle breeze that wraps around me.

"You two! Come here quickly!" Jake calls and we approach them. The others take their seats, and Niki helps me settle into mine, placing the oxygen tank beside me. There's a quick eye contact between us and I somehow feel a warmth spread through my chest. Why am I so aware of his presence, his touch, as if every small interaction is imprinted in my mind? I wonder as I catch Niki's gaze, my cheeks undoubtedly flushed. "Heeseung! My man!"

"Shut up. There you go, kiddos, your ramen is ready." The man named Heeseung is not even that... old? Wait a second, he looks so young. I expected a middle-aged chef with years of experience, but here he is, a few years older than us. "I see new faces. Who might you be?" He grins, wiping his hands on his apron.

"My name is Y/N. It's nice to meet you." I give him a friendly smile, adjusting the tubing of my oxygen tank. Heeseung nods appreciatively, acknowledging the greeting, and then he looks at Niki. "This is Niki."

"I know, I've seen him around and I heard him play the piano once. Though he never wanted to try my ramen. Look at him now, enjoying it. You should've tried it sooner, Niki." I take a moment to watch Niki as he delicately picks up the chopsticks, taking a careful bite of the ramen. There's a subtle pleasure in witnessing someone savor a dish for the first time, and his expression makes me happy somehow. "Anyways, you guys enjoy. I'll go take a nap. Wake me up if anything interesting happens."

With that, we're left to eat the ramen that makes my eyes widen and my mouth water at the first taste. His ramen is truly a masterpiece, and the flavors burst in my mouth, leaving me satisfied and content. 

I feel Niki tap my arm and I turn to him before he signs, "Do you like ramen?"

"Yes," I smile, the sound of the others slurping their noodles and chatting in the background. "I like you." For a moment, his eyes widen and he frowns, making me realize my unintentional slip. "I mean, I like the ramen. I like it." 

Niki, surprisingly, gives a small amused smile, signing back, "I like you too." And then he continues eating as if nothing extraordinary just happened. As if my heart didn't just leap a little.