✓ BECAUSE WE WERE YOUNG | NIKI

29 - Run For Our Lives

"Were you ever going to tell me?" The morning breeze whispers through my hair as Niki and I stand outside the church, his eyes searching mine for answers I don't know how to give. "Tell me, Y/N. Or were you going to keep pretending everything was fine until I found out on my own?" He signs the words so fast, so intensely, that I can barely keep up. His hands are a blur of emotion, each gesture sharp and desperate. The urgency in his eyes makes it impossible to look away.

"I'm sorry," I sign back, my fingers trembling. "I was scared."

Niki steps closer, his frown deepening, the tears in his eyes threatening to spill. "Scared of what?" He signs, his hands slowing down, the movements more deliberate. "Scared of us? Scared of me?"

Shame chokes my throat, making it hard to breathe, let alone form a reply. This isn't how I wanted to tell them the truth. But how did I think it would go? A casual conversation over breakfast? There was no right way, no easy way. My hands tremble as I try to sign back, the words feeling heavy and clumsy. "No, not of you. Scared of losing you all. Scared of being a burden. Scared of what it would mean for everyone if you knew."

His frown softens slightly at my answer. He reaches out, his hand hovering over mine for a moment before gently resting it on top. "You're not a burden," Is all he signs before he leans closer, resting his forehead against my shoulder as he breaks down crying. 

I stand there, mind scrambling, caught between the urge to comfort him and the cold knot of fear still tightening in my stomach. Slowly, I reach out, my hand hovering awkwardly over his back. Should I hug him? What if it's too much?

The sound of his muffled sobs pulls me from my internal debate. Hesitantly, I let my hand fall, a gentle touch between his shoulder blades. The warmth of his body seeps through the thin fabric of his shirt, grounding me in a way nothing else has this morning. For the first time in my life, Niki cries and it feels like the world has shifted on its axis. He's crumbling in my arms and everything around us seems to fade into a muted hum. 

"It's not good," Signing had never felt this hard. "My lungs are failing." It feels like a betrayal, stripping away the carefully constructed facade I'd built for weeks. Shame burns in my cheeks, a prickling heat that spreads across my face. How could I have kept this from him? From them? How could I lie without even realizing the truth would shatter everything? But then again, I've lied about so many things I don't even know where the lie ends and the truth begins.

"Does giving you my lungs mean you'll live?" 

The question pierces through the fog of despair, his words crashing down on me. 

"Niki," I stammer, my voice barely a whisper. The very thought of him sacrificing his health for mine is unthinkable. I can't be this selfish. He can't throw away his life on a gamble for mine. "No," I sign, my heart hammering against my ribs. The thought of him even considering such a drastic measure sends a tremor through me. The idea of him sacrificing a part of himself, a part that allows him to breathe, to laugh, to simply exist, feels like stealing his life force. 

Tears well up in Niki's eyes again, glistening like spilled starlight. "But what if it does?" He signs, his hands trembling slightly. "What if there is a chance—"

I hold his hands, shaking my head as I stop him from sighing further. Words, signed or spoken, feel inadequate. Instead, I squeeze his hands gently, hoping the pressure conveys the immensity of what he's just offered. Niki's eyes search mine, pleading for a different answer, for some kind of hope. I can see the desperation etched in his features, the raw pain of wanting to save me but being powerless to do so. It's a feeling I know all too well, and it tears at my heart.

"I need you to live your life, to be happy. If anything happened to you because of me, I could never forgive myself," I sign the words and his lips tremble as he tries to formulate a response, but he knows I'm right. Loving me doesn't mean sacrificing himself. "I'm sorry, Niki. I'm scared and selfish and don't know what to do. But I'd never forgive myself if you got hurt trying to save me because..." My fingers pause as I look into his eyes, tears threatening to spill over. "Because I love you too much to let that happen." Because I want him to stay for a lifetime, even if mine is cut short. 

"I love you, Y/N," He whispers, and my heart feels like it's about to burst out of my chest. His voice is a melody I never knew I craved, a promise whispered on the wind. The only words Niki had ever uttered to me were 'I love you' and my name. He's only spoken twice, only when the weight of emotions became too much to express with his hands alone. He doesn't hear his voice nor does he know how soft and soothing it is, but I do, and I cling to him like I'm a fragile petal caught in a gentle breeze, afraid to let go for fear of being swept away.

I'm about to sign to him when the sound of police sirens pierce through the fragile morning air. I freeze, my eyes widening as I pull away from Niki, making him frown deeper. "Police," I sign, a tremor running through my hands. I'm desperately searching for an excuse but the sound of the sirens approaches too quickly. They grow louder with each passing second, a relentless wail that makes the flimsy story we've constructed crumble like sandcastles under a crashing wave.

Panic clenches my throat, making it difficult to speak, let alone sign. I grab his hand, grab my oxygen tank in the other one and run inside the church only to find everyone chilled to the core. Jake stands there, frozen, his eyes wide and devoid of emotion. Sunhoon, Jay and Heeseung pull him along as they run to us, their faces pale and etched with worry. 

"Run," Heeseung whispers urgently, his voice barely a rasp. Panic twists my gut into a knot. The image of the police car flashes in my mind, red and blue lights slicing through the trees. They know. Somehow, they know about the "accident" and Jake's involvement. Running feels impossible. My lungs protest with a tight ache, and the weight of my oxygen tank drags me down. But I Niki grabs my oxygen tank from my grasp and tightens his grip on my hand, pulling me out of the back of the church with surprising strength. 

And so, as the sirens scream closer, we run for our lives.