✓ BECAUSE WE WERE YOUNG | NIKI

34 - Still Waters Run Deep

The silence in the ice rink is suffocating. Jake hadn't shown up again. No sign of his presence. At first, I tried to ignore the unease gnawing at me, telling myself it was better this way. wouldn't have anything to connect him to the crime scene, and maybe, just maybe, he'd found a safe haven. But with each passing day, the silence screams louder. Is he okay? Or did something worse befallen him?

The rhythmic scrape of skates against ice fills the void as I step inside the place, watching Sunghoon move on the ice so gracefully that it feels like a breath of fresh air. He doesn't notice my presence, doesn't seem to care about anything around him. All he does is skate, speeding as if he's running away from something. And maybe he is. Maybe all of us are. 

But then, as Sunghoon glides to a stop, our eyes meet. The carefree expression on his face falters, replaced by a flicker of concern. He pushes himself off the boards and glides effortlessly towards me. "Y/N," He breathes my name as if he's unsure how to proceed. As if my very presence disturbs the fragile balance of his world. I can see the questions swirling in his eyes, the worry that has etched deeper lines into his youthful face. 

"Hey, Sunghoon," The cold air bites at my cheeks, but it's nothing compared to the icy dread that coils in my stomach. How are you, is what I need to ask. It's the question that sits at the edge of my tongue and yet, refuses to leave my lips. The worry I see in his eyes is enough to tell me I don't need to ask. He's struggling, just like I am. "How's the practice going—"

"You scared us," I watch as he runs a hand through his hair, his voice cracking slightly. "You just vanished, Y/N. No one knew where you were." 

Guilt tightens around my chest, but I force myself to meet his gaze. "I'm sorry, Sunghoon. I didn't mean to worry you. I just," I sigh. "My father knew about Jake's... accident. I had to stay at the hospital and he didn't let me meet anyone of you. I guess it's that fatherly fear of what might happen to me if I'm not by his side." My words seem to hit him hard, a hammer so unrelenting it leaves no room for rebuttal. "I... just came to see if you'd seen Jake."

Sunghoon's brow furrows. He shakes his head, his movements sharp, almost frantic. "No," He says, his voice tight. "Not since... well, you know."

"Yeah," I manage, the word a ragged sigh escaping my lips. To speak is starting to feel like swallowing shards of glass. "I thought maybe he'd reached out to you, or... anything." Sunghoon's eyes are two pools of utter sadness and desperation and I'm the only one who is left to see.

"I wish he had," The words tighten around my heart, a rope so taut it threatens to snap. "Maybe he's just laying low, trying to figure things out," Sunghoon's voice is strained, as if he's trying to convince himself as much as me. "Sometimes he goes away for a while. He always comes back." I'd like to believe him. I'd like to believe that Jake will just waltz back in through those rink doors, a sheepish grin plastered on his face and a lame excuse for his disappearance on his lips. But the knot of dread in my stomach refuses to loosen. He might come back, but open arms aren't what awaits him anymore. "And... you?"

My gaze darts from the empty rink to his eyes as he stares at me the way one stares at a question with no easy answer. "I..." I start, though my next words are still tangled in the knot of worry tightening my throat. "I'm dying." As simple as that. "The doctors said I have no chance and I don't want to hope for something that isn't going to happen," Tears well in my eyes, blurring the diamond dust sparkling on the ice. "But at least you know."

Sunghoon doesn't flinch. He steps closer, enveloping me in a hug that feels like everything I ever needed. Like everything I'll never have again. His warmth melts the ice that's formed around my heart, and for a fleeting moment, I feel safe. "Thank you," He says and I understand. He doesn't need to say the words. He doesn't need to say the name. He's thanking me for doing what Narae couldn't do. The regret of not loving her until the end weighs on his shoulders, but at least he knows I'll be gone. At least, in some universe, he knows. "You'll be fine, Y/N. Everything will be fine." And I just nod, because, maybe it will. Maybe the world wouldn't weep my absence.

I close my eyes and let myself believe, if only for a moment, that everything will indeed be fine. But then the door opens and someone storms in, panting, gasping for air, making us pull away and turn to find Jay carrying a small back on his shoulders, almost about to crumble. Sunghoon runs to him while my eyes widen in fear. "My blood sugar," He rasps.

Running to them, I watch as Sunghoon makes him sit on one of the benches and opens his bag, taking out what seems like an insulin pen, ready to inject him. "Hold still," He says calmly, but his hands are shaking slightly. Jay grips the edge of the bench, his face contorted in pain and I stand there, frozen in place, my heart pounding in my chest. For a moment, silence wraps around us and we stare at Jay as he slowly regains his composure, his breathing steadying. "What happened?" 

"My parents know about Jake," He breathes, closing his eyes as he leans against the wall. Only then do I notice the red mark across his face. Only then do I notice the dry tears clinging to his lashes. "They locked me in the basement and stopped the police from interrogating me. I needed to the police that Jake is innocent but they..." He doesn't need to finish his words. God, he doesn't need to tell us that he has run away from home. 

"Fuck it, did your father hit you?" Sunghoon's voice is urgent and laced with worry, and when Jay looks away and his eyes lock with mine, they're two pools of embarrassment and shame. "When are they going to stop treating you like the perfect fucking punching bag for their insecurities?" The anger in his voice is a tangible weight that presses on all our chests. Jay shrinks back, tears welling up again. He shakes his head mutely, refusing to answer. "We'll deal with this once we find Jake. If we find him." The hope from earlier has completely vanished. "We need to meet his mother." 

"Actually," I interrupt, clutching the strap of my oxygen tank's bag. "I met her yesterday after I went to the police station for the interrogation. She doesn't know where Jake is, but she said something about how she wants fall to come fast because Jake loves to sit under the colorful trees to take photos." It was a throwaway comment, a detail lost in the bigger picture of a frantic mother searching for her son. The thought that her son would come back on fall rips my heart to pieces. 

"Fall?" Sunghoon's brow furrow in confusion, mirroring my initial reaction. But Jay, his face draining of color, seems to understand all too well.

"The lake," He stammers, his voice barely a whisper. His eyes dart between us, a flicker of dawning horror replacing the earlier shame.

"The lake?" Sunghoon echos, a dreadful realization igniting in his eyes. And before I know it, I'm sitting behind Sunghoon on his bike while the three of us speed towards the outskirts of town, the wind whipping at my face and tearing at my already strained lungs. I don't understand why they're frantic and horrified. I don't understand why Jay's choked cry and Sunghoon's wide eyes make the fear grip my heart like a vice. But when we reach the outskirts of town and see the serene lake nestled amidst the autumnal hues of the trees, everything becomes painfully clear. 

Jay's frantic words tumble out as we dismount the bike, his voice trembling with fear. "Please, don't let him be here," He pleads as we run to the lake, but there, on the edge of the water, lays accusingly Jake's backpack and my scream tears through the stillness, a cry of anguish and denial. The world blurs as my legs give up on me, letting me crumble to the ground while Sunghoon and Jay step into the water, searching frantically for a sign of Jake. 

The following hours are a blur. Police sirens wail in the distance, a horrifying soundtrack to our pain. The scene is overwhelmed by a sense of surreal devastation. Search teams clad in black uniforms wade through the water and officers surround us, their their expressions grim as they expand the search around the lake. Sunghoon and Jay, soaked and desperate, refuse to give up hope, scouring every inch of the water's edge for any trace of Jake.

Time seems to stretch like a warped record, the same scene replaying endlessly in my mind's eye. Until sharp shouts pierce the air and through a haze of exhaustion and tear-filled eyes, I see figures pulling something from the water, a limp form that sends collective strangled cries through the gathered crowd. 

The body pulled from the inky depths of the lake is Jake's.