✓ BECAUSE WE WERE YOUNG | NIKI

14 - Welcome To The Palace

The big, imposing gates swing open, revealing a long driveway flanked by manicured gardens. "Welcome to the palace," Jake jokes, his eyes wide open as he takes in just how huge and beautiful Jay's mansion is. If we thought Jay lived in a place like those big houses in movies, we're in for a real. The place looks like something straight out of a fairytale. Towering oak trees line the driveway and everything seems to be frozen in time, wrapped in an enchanting atmosphere that makes it hard to believe this is someone's actual home. 

We could wear dresses and fake elaborate wigs and easily pass for characters from Eflhame. Niki could wear a crown and I could wear a flowing gown that trails behind me as I walk, my steps echoing against the marble floors of the grand entrance hall. But that's just wishful thinking. We're just a group of teenagers stepping into our friend's family estate for a movie night.

"Your family lives here?" Sunghoon asks Jay as we walk through the front door, still taking in the grandeur of the mansion's interior. 

"Yeah, we've been here for generations," Jay replies casually, as if living in a mansion like this is the most ordinary thing in the world. "But it's just a house. I mean, it's definitely bigger than most, but at the end of the day, it's just a place to live."

Jake whistles, his eyes darting around as he takes in every detail. "Just a place to live? You could be living the most interesting fairytale without even realizing it. You could have secret passages, hidden treasures, maybe even a ghost haunting the halls. You could have everything people like us only dream about. When you're given the chance to live this kind of life, you've got to seize it. Being humble and acting as if living in a mansion is ordinary is just...unbelievable. But then again, it's so typical of you. You've always been down-to-earth."

When I glance at Jay, he just stands there, watching us with an expression devoid of joy. Of happiness. I wonder if he's not comfortable with us being here. I wonder if his unhappiness doesn't have anything to do with the place he lives in. I wonder if that unhappiness is too strong not even a mansion can conceal it. When he thinks no one is looking at him or listening to him, he sighs and utters words I wonder if I'll ever be able to forget, "It's a prison, this palace." 

No one else seems to notice Jay's comment, or if they do, they don't react to it. Instead, Jake continues to gush about how he would love to be born in a family like Jay's in his next life, Sunghoon is starting at the paintings hung on the walls, and Niki carries my oxygen tank, silently taking in this whole new world Jay is letting us experience. I'm dressed in a black plaid dress, my hair styled in a loose braid, feeling like I'm intruding on a world that's not meant for me. No matter how I might change my appearance or try to fit in, I can't shake off the feeling of being out of place in a mansion. Just like Jay can't shake off the feeling of being trapped in it.

"Hello," A woman's voice makes me take my eyes off Jay and look up. Standing before us is a woman, dressed in a sophisticated evening gown and her hair swept up in a very, very neat bun. She looks awfully like Jay and I wonder if she's his mother. As she introduces herself as such, I realize from where Jay got his elegance and his calm demeanor. "You must be Jay's friends." I bow politely along with Niki, Sunghoon and Jake, and Jay just gives a small nod, his expression unreadable. His mother's eyes linger on him for a moment before she turns her attention back to us. Then she smiles. "Jay doesn't often bring friends home, so this is a pleasant surprise. There's also a girl, you never told me you had a girlfriend, Jay."

I feel my cheeks flush with embarrassment at the mention of being Jay's girlfriend, but before I can respond, Jay interjects quickly, "She's not my girlfriend, Mom. She's just a friend." I glance at Niki who raises his eyebrows at me, questioning about what's going on. I shake my head and sign a quick 'it's nothing'. "Is she deaf?"

Jay's mother is looking at me when I look back at her, my cheeks still burning with embarrassment. "I'm not deaf." I'm ashamed of how quick I am to deny it as if it's some sort of deficiency or flaw. "Our friend is deaf so I communicate with him in sign language." 

"Ah, of course, my apologies. Well, Jay rarely brings his friends home so I'm a little surprised." She laughs awkwardly and I frown. Didn't Jay ask his parents before we came over? Or maybe he did, but they didn't expect all of us to be here. I glance at Jay, but his expression is unreadable, his gaze fixed on his mother. I wonder what he's thinking, what he's feeling in this moment. Does he regret bringing us here? Does he wish he had kept his world separate from ours? "The chef will prepare food for all of you. You can head to the dining room, I'll be in the study with your father, Jay." 

"I'll keep that in mind, Mother." I watch as he nods politely, realizing that this is no relationship of a mother and her son. It feels more like a formal interaction between strangers. There's a distance, a detachment in their exchange that leaves me feeling unsettled.

"So you do have a private chef," Jake exclaims when Jay's mother leaves us on our own and Jay does everything to avoid looking at us. "You're one sneaky rich kid, Jay. Keeping all these luxuries to yourself."

"It's not like that," Jay replies quietly, leading us to big the dining room. "I just... My parents are busy. They work a lot. They don't really have time for...this." I look at Jay, really look at him, and I realize how different he seems in this setting. Instead of being calm and composed, he's so tense and his jaw clenches so hard he could probably crush a walnut. "I'm sorry, I lied. I didn't actually tell my parents you were coming." 

"Why?" Sunghoon pauses, frowning as he stares at Jay in confusion. Jake is too busy experiencing the luxurious chandelier to pay much attention, but Niki's gaze is fixed on Jay, his expression unreadable.

"I didn't think they would... I didn't think they would approve," Jay admits, his voice barely above a whisper. "They have certain expectations, and... bringing friends home isn't really something they... encourage. But I still wanted to show you around, to share a part of my life with you." 

Sunghoon's frown deepens, his brows knitting together in concern. "Jay, we're your friends. We don't care about your parents' expectations. We just want to spend time with you." The four of us just sigh before the chef brings in food and we have to sit down to have dinner, now five of us. "I'm sorry if bringing us here has caused any trouble."

"No," Jay shakes his head and smiles, even though bitterly. "Thank you for coming here." With that, we eat while Jake exclaims how the food tastes like nothing he had ever experienced before. He tells us about how his mother is always busy working and he rarely gets to eat such good homemade meals. I listen to him, I do, but I also glance at Jay who just stares at Jake like he's seeing him for the first time. There's a flicker of something in Jay's eyes—regret, longing, maybe even envy. I can't quite place it, but it tugs at my heart.

With dinner over, the boys make their way to the entertainment room to watch a movie while I quickly head to the bathroom. As I make my way back to where they are waiting for me, I overhear Jay's mother talking to someone and Gosh, if only I didn't. "Did you hear? Jay's friends are here. Yes, all of them. I don't understand why he insists on bringing them here. They're just not... suitable." Her voice is hushed, but the disdain is clear. "One of them is even deaf, I don't even understand why he would bring someone like that into our home."

My heart sinks to the lowest pit of my stomach and when I can't hear any more of her harsh words, I turn around, attempting to flee the scene when I realize that Jay was standing behind me all this time. Jay, with his hands clenched into fists at his sides and his eyes filled with hurt.