The Five Souls - The Beginning

chapter 24: bring your daughter to work day

"Daddy. wake up, wake up." my little Becka bug was jumping up and down by the bed shaking it a little too hard.

"ok ok, I'm awake honey," I said leaning up and rubbing my eyes. giving her a big hug I jumped out and said "When the world is dark you." she finished it with "Then you should be the bright light of joy."

she stopped and looked at me and then like any 8-year-old that was supposed to go to the zoo would ask "Why do giraffs have long necks?"

"well honey they have to reach the leaves and cookie jars at the top of the trees."

"your silly daddy" she giggled as I tickled her.

*crash crash crash*  

"fuck fuck fuck. damn it" came an obnoctuse voice from the kitchen yelling obscenity.

"Honey I'm going to have to ask you to stay in your room until I call you ok?"

"But daddy." she protested

"Becka I need you to listen to Daddy," I said with my firm dad voice.

"ok Daddy," she said running over to her room. As I stepped out into the hallway I looked in her room and she was playing with her dollhouse. I slowly closed her door and started walking down the hall.

"Dad, how many times do I have to tell you? no swearing around becka." I said walking into the kitchen. when I stood in the doorway I stopped. All our dishes were shattered and on the floor. I slowly looked up at him rage wanting to pour out. but that's the only thing our family knows so I went the other way. even though it was clear he was high from the row of white powder on the counter and the nearly empty bottle of Jack Daniels. I bet if I walked into his room I'd find the other 2 he slammed through the night. "Dad it's ok. just clean it up before she sees this" I said referring to Becka.

"ahhh no mommy's favorite plate." Becka ran in and grabbed the great china with her and her mom.

she looked up at Dad and screamed "I hate you. Why don't you just leave you sad pathetic old man" She turned and ran to her room. 

"shes so uptight just like her mother." I couldn't hold back I snapped and was in front of him in a second

"keep her name out of your fucking mouth," I said slamming my fist on the counter. his reaction to that was to roll his eyes. big mistake. The next thing I knew I was crouched over my dad with his blood all on my hands. I quickly reached down and felt for a pulse. alive. damn it. wait why would I think that? The sudden thought of anger towards him being alive scared me. if I wished death to my father over a few insensitive words what kind of person would I be. does that make me a monster?

looking up I noticed the time. 7:30. it was time for me to drop Becka off at school. looking back down at my drunk father I picked him up and dragged him to the lazy boy in the living room. As I turned to get Becka I said out loud knowing perfectly well he wasn't awake. "I honestly wish it would have been you instead of Mom."

"Becka time for school," I shouted from the hall. she ran out of her room and said "But I didn't get to eat breakfast with mom. now mom won't be with me to eat" 

I bent down on my knees to be level with her. "Honey, you don't believe that do you?"

"yes! no. maybe. I don't know." she said tears welling up in her eyes.

I reached up and put her face in my hand. "am I still here."

"of course," she said, giving a little giggle.

"but how do you know? you don't see me do you?"

"no silly." she said with a sniffle

"but how do you know?"