Liability [Simon Ghost Riley]

where do we go from here?

The rest of the night was quiet, the air was heavy. As much as she didn't want to admit it, Phoebe wasn't happy with Simon. The past night had been so much to handle, so much to process. The way he handled it all shocked her. She was disappointed and wished he would talk to her. Though they 'made up' he'd been avoiding her for two days. He would briefly greet her in the morning before going to the gym, or running an errand. She hoped that they could move past this horrible thing that happened, that horrible fight they had. But Simon seemed to make it his mission to avoid it at all costs.

After two days she was sick of it, tired of waking up alone. She missed him. Now that he was leaving she wanted to make her remaining time with him count. But she felt like he was pushing himself away to make it easier to leave. Phoebe refused to put up with this. She loved him more than anything in the world, and she was going to fight for them. She'd tossed and turned all night thinking about how she would approach the subject, she didn't want to upset him, especially after how upset he still was about what he'd done during his nightmare. She wanted to have a genuine conversation. Unable to sleep, Phoebe woke up at 7 am, knowing that she'd catch Simon before he went on his run. He'd always been an early riser, he didn't believe in sleeping in.

She made coffee and prepped some sausage, eggs, and toast for him to enjoy before he left. She waited patiently for him to rush down the stairs, his wide eyes searching for her. His body relaxes upon seeing her sitting at the barstool with coffee in hand.

"What are you doing awake this early?" he asks in confusion

"I made you breakfast, something small to give you protein" she says softly

"Thank you love" he says kissing her head as he sits beside her to eat.

The pair fall into silence as he munches on his food. Phoebe leans her head on her hands as she looks at him. Her eyes clouded with millions of thoughts and worries. "What's going on in that head of yours?" he asks

She smiles and sits up, leaning her head on his shoulder. He wraps his arm around her and pulls her into his chest. His steady heartbeat reminded her that he was still here, and she needed him to be present. "When do you leave?" she asks

Simon's posture shifts as he grows tense. "Monday"

"That's in three days" she responds as her heart sinks, a heavy weight collapsing on her chest. "I hoped there would be more time"

"No time to waste"

"I wanted to apoligize for reacting the way I did, I shouldn't have blamed you for my frustrations. I'm upset that you're leaving, and selfishly I didn't want you to go. But I would never ask you to stay, I know that this is what you do, and it's who you are, I want you to know that I love you for it" she says taking his hand, focusing on how he sets his food down to give her his full attention. "I am more than capable of planning a wedding, and if there's anything I need your help on then we'll talk about it when you can. Plus I have my parents, I have grandma, and my friends, I have more than enough support, We have more than enough support for this. I am going to be just fine, I need you to know that. So I want you to stop pushing me away, the only thing you're doing is making this harder" she finishes

Simon clenches his jaw and runs his hand over his hair. He refused to meet her gaze as he held his hand against his mouth, she could tell that he was trying to find the right words to say.

"You have nothing to apoligize for, I fucked up. I reacted like a right fucking dickhead. I wish there was a way to get out of it, I would stay, I want to be here through every step of it all. I've been so fucking out of my mind, I've let my fears get into my head and I've taken that out on the one person who doesn't deserve it. I hurt you Phoebe" he says bowing his head in shame.

"It was an accident, Simon you have to forgive yourself"

"How can I?"

"Stop viewing yourself like some sort of monster! You're the kindest man I've ever met, you are so gentle and loving. You are simply the fucking greatest person I've ever met, it kills me that you torture yourself like this. You deserve so much better. I wish I could take all of this pain out of your head and carry it for you. But I can't, so I'm begging you to stop letting it ruin you. It's killing you Si, I can see it. I'm not saying that this is something you can just forget about, I understand that but dwelling on it will never make it go away, you'll be stuck with it forever. There is no blame, no one takes responsibility for this. It happened, now it's up to us to figure out where to go from here. I'm all in, you know that"

"Thank you" he says, looking down at her with tears in his eyes. He nods and pulls her into a hug. She moves from the seat and allows him to wrap his body around her. She knew just how much Simon was saying with that hug. For what his words lack, his touch makes up for. He was so passionate, she always admired that about him. He didn't have to break down, he didn't have to apoligize profusely, she understood. She didn't need the words, she just needed him.