Title: A Gun and Kunai
Author: imchigon
Genre: Sucked in
Synopsis: "Year: 2033. Place: Japan. The name's Kenji. Kenji Moriyama. I was your typical, international criminal wanted by numerous governments across the planet. Okay, not very typical, but in times like this, who cares? As a top hacker apart of the yakuza and mafia, you might infer that I am intelligent, witty, a smooth talker, and maybe even slightly dangerous. Most of these traits are more or less, accurate. However, it was all put to the test one daunting night, in which my known knowledge rendered naught. Perhaps if that peculiar-eyed man, a so called "ninja", had not thrown me into the planet of turmoil, my sanity would still be intact. But all great things come to an end, or live on in memory. The lust for blood in this world is killing me, if the sheer amount of danger is not here already. But maybe if I lay low, watch, I'll live long enough to get back home. Or I'll die trying. [Kenji is not who you think she might be]"
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Review
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Description: The description could use a bit of work. There are slight grammatical errors that could use some work. Also, if Kenji lives in Japan, she wouldn't have said "ninja", she would have said ninja, as if it was a regular word and this is because ninjas are very well known in the world, no matter how many years pass since they existed or were popular. Most people know what a ninja is. I also feel that you've maybe given too much information in the summary.
Rating: 2.5/ 5 stars
|As an aside, I would like to say I absolutely loved the little opening video you had! It was very well done and interesting to watch|
Chapters: The chapters were too long. "Fuurin? Not Me" could have been split up, it really was too long. If your chapters are too long the reader will become very bored quite quickly.
Rating: 2/5 stars
Plot: Okay, so there were a couple of things I didn't like about the plot.
1: Catching Tora- The scene should not be repeated in any fanfiction ever. Seeing it in the anime was enough, but way too many writers put it in their fanfiction. I think many other people will agree when I say putting this in your (in general) fan-fiction, A) makes you seem too lazy to put something original in it and B) instantly makes your fan-fiction boring. Don't worry though, it's not just you who does this, many others make the same mistake.
2: The words in some sentences are exactly the same as the words used in the anime. This has the same affects as in the aforementioned paragraph-makes you seem lazy and makes your fanfiction seem boring.
3: The fact that she was put on the Team Seven. This has been done way too many times in too many fanfictions. There is a set rule that it has to be THREE genin to one jōnin. No exceptions can be made for this, ever. As such, this four genin to one jōnin thing is totally illegal when it comes to writing fanfiction-unless you write an Alternate Universe fanfiction where it is allowed, but then you'd have to make some major changes to the Narutoverse plot, and your reasoning for a four man squad has to be logical.
4: The Wave arc- I cannot explain in words how much of a no-no this is in terms of Naruto fanfiction. It's way too overdone and it's a drag to read. It once again makes the author seem lazy and the fanfiction boring. You also use the exact same words and events, and this, once again, should be avoided. Look, what I'm trying to say is that your OC's presence should affect the timeline and plots; it shouldn't be a rehash of the anime.
|And as a note to other Naruto fan-fiction authors: "IF I WANTED TO WATCH THE WAVE ARC AGAIN WORD-FOR-WORD I'D JUST WATCH THE FLIPPIN' ANIME!"|
5: Kakashi asked what a computer was. They have technology in the Naruto world, just check the article on Narutopedia, they have a list of technology there.
6: Fuurin. If Kakashi had a child who was seven when she was lost, that would make twelve (five years later). Kakashi is 26 turning 27 in the first half of Naruto. If he had a twelve turning thirteen year old daughter, then the child would have been conceived when Kakashi was fourteen (27-13). This is the problem with "Kakashi's daughter" fanfics. Now I know Kenji is eleven, but the author messaged me saying she meant to send Kenji to the Academy but forget because she went on hiatus.
Grammar: The grammar in this book needs quite a lot of work, there are multiple spelling errors and capital letters are used way too often. Cut back on the use of caps and read over your chapters. Sometimes your sentences are really good and have a good use of vocabulary, other times they are too simple.
Rating: 2.5/5 stars
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Okay then! Hope I helped!
