Hello everyone. One of your new reviewers here. You all may know me, Bre2k9, from Favorites and Words of Wisdom (and my one That One Author Article). You can request me or one of my team-mates to review your story over on the Announcements book if you haven't been informed on that :3 Without further ado, my first review.
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Book: Masked Identity
Author: AllBeautyDestroyed
Description: The night of your high-school graduation drastically changed your life after willfully deciding to leave everything behind--including your lover, Itachi. In avoidance of being found as a runaway, your identity is sacrificed with a new look and a new name.
After many years of struggle, you were hired as a housekeeper by a kind, wealthy woman and everything started off smoothly, only to shatter when this woman is revealed to be the wife of your former lover. On the very first day of the job, you discover that Itachi's current marriage carried more mystery than you bargained for, especially after a harsh truth is revealed.
Despite the puzzle you have to solve and endure all triggered emotion, you continue working for Itachi while also being careful not to reveal your identity. Not too soon, at least.
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**Sequel: Through the Blinds.**
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DISCLAIMER: I do NOT own any awesomeness of Naruto, but to Masashi Kishimoto. However, the plot line and all named OC characters strictly belong to me.
[Name] x Itachi
When the time comes to change your identity it will be under:
[N! Name] =New Name
[N! E/C] = New Eye Color
[N! H/C] = New Hair Color
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Title: The title is rather simplistic, and I love that. I also feel like it develops more as the story progresses. More and more people seem to be wearing sometime of mask the farther into the story you get. I absolutely love that. Makes me wanna see why each mask is there since I still don't know the reason behind all of them.
10/10
Summary: Two complaints. One is that occasionally you have awkward wording that I cannot decide if is grammar caused or just awkwardly put. The other complaint is that you have the key for what you put in the summary. That isn't where it should go. If anything it should be at the beginning or end of the first chapter. I didn't even notice it the first time I looked at your summary the first time and just used logic. Other than that I find the summary quite enticing, especially since it shows that mystery element I love about this story.
8/10
Plot: Okay, there are some issues I will get to in later parts that kind of mess with the plot for me, but we shall get there later. I am actually quite intrigued by the plot. It is very interesting and has mystery sprinkled about everywhere as well as Itachi wonderfulness. It keeps taking random twists that I enjoy exploring and finding the answers to. It keeps me quite intrigued, even if I am only at chapter twelve I believe.
And the fact it's in Seattle makes it all quite... Unique in a way. I don't know how to explain it. XD It just has such an American feel that I find amusing.
10/10
Description: I was debating where to put this, and I decided to go with description. I actually quite enjoy your description as it is neither too extensive or too lack - at least after the first few chapters. I don't know why, but the first two-ish I felt like the description was too lax. If you've ever played a dating Sims game, it had that feel. The other problem comes along with something that is actually very vital to your story. I don't know if you fix this after where I am, but this is something that greatly bothered me throughout the story. The emotional description. I can understand where [Name] is coming from at the start. She is a young girl whose emotions are just out of whack and she's not thinking straight or something. The point of that or something? You never truly delve into her emotions why leaving. Why isn't she staying when it is so obvious that the option is there? After everything Itachi offered, why is she leaving? I would call this a plot problem except the fact it can be fixed easily if you just explain through her emotions somehow. Show the desperation, even if it takes from the mystery of her home life a bit. Otherwise, it kind of dulls the sympathy for the character. I had to logic myself through her reasoning to stop myself from getting annoyed with her. Same as where I am now where it is so obvious there's something going on with Ava and Itachi and you just know he'd accept her if she came back. Like - why isn't she going back? You can't tell by her emotions. This needs some improvement in my opinion. Okay, there are only two nitpicks, but that took a bit of length XD I actually do for the most part enjoy your description as I said. It has a pretty nice balance except in this one lone area. As cinema sins would put it, without the description - it is like her own idiocy is the only thing keeping the plot going. Don't hate me *ducks* Just, well... Blame watching Cinema Sins too much.... But that is kind of the feel you get without the description... Moving on...
7/10
Characters: Ava seemed like such a sweetheart. Lilah (may have spelled that wrong...) is such a great friend and I want to steal her chicken spaghetti. [Name] needs a hug and shaken to wake up. Itachi is so freaking caring and amazing. Sasuke - go back to being adorable and innocent. And for the love of Pete, Avery. Go die in a hole.
For anyone who knows the characters, yes, I did do the Avery thing on purpose. Deal with it.
Anyway, if you can't tell by my description of the characters, I love them all - except Avery. I may not know something about her, but for now, despise her. But that means you did an excellent job with these characters! Both your own and canon ones. You've adapt canon ones so well with present times and then the ocs you've made are so nice - as soon as that emotion thing is fixed up - and I enjoy every moment with each of them.
Still want that chicken spaghetti....
9/10
Grammar/Writing: Okay, here is going to be the second biggest flaw (mostly because the emotional thing bugs me A LOT). You have a variety of flaws sprinkled around everywhere. Most of them can be fixed with a bit of editing though. It ranges from tense changes to accidental uses of "she" for "you" to forgotten words to misspelled words. There are just a handful of these in every single chapter. But overall it is pretty good. It's not like they happen all the time, but your chapters are long enough that ten mistakes wouldn't be an excess amount. Regardless, they did sadly bring down your score. It is pretty solid, though, and could be fixed with simple revisions.
7/10
Overall Score: 51/60
Grade: A
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A couple of notes. One is that I am still figuring out the number system, but basically anything below five bad. Anything above five means an easy fix. And then the grading system works in twelves. Every twelve is another letter grade. Make sense? Anyway, hope you all enjoyed. Sorry if this was at all awkward.
