Me and Marcus

Chapter 13

After eating breakfast, I told Marcus I would look around my house for an open window. Then I gave him his clothes back and said my goodbyes.

I knew we would see each other again later so I don't even know why I said goodbye.

I walked to my front door and grabbed the doorknob and jiggled it but nothing happened. I tried to open the two front windows but as I tried to push them open, I remembered I never opened them yet so they were locked. I jogged to my windows on the left side of the house and pushed up on them and I fist pumped when they opened.

The windows were about 2 feet away from the floor inside, so if I fell it wouldn't hurt so bad. I pushed up the window enough to for me to squeeze through and I made it halfway through when I had to stop and breathe for a minute. Then I pushed the rest of my body through and landed on the floor with a loud thud.

I went to my room and got changed into black leggings and a gray t-shirt with black vans. I threw my hair into a pony and put some mascara on.

I walked to my kitchen and remembered I had no food, which reminded me of the babysitting service. I checked my phone for any voicemails and I had two. I pressed on the first one.

"Hi, my name is Rachel Cork and I have a 5 year old daughter and I was wondering if you could watch her on Friday afternoon from 12 to 3:30. She is very quiet and shouldn't be a hassle. Call me back when you get a chance. Thanks." I squealed with joy and called her back. The daughters name is Julie and she is quiet. That must be good though, no yelling or crying kids.

I listened to the second voicemail and it was from my mom.

"Hi sweetie, I want to settle things with you so I'm coming over tomorrow around 1:00. Bye love you." I groaned and checked the clock. 10:00.

I do not want to speak to my mother. Maybe I would send her a postcard every year, but other than that I wanted no contact with her. I mean, it seems cruel but just imagine this: you mom who has stayed by you side for all your tough times, finally allows you to be free, just to ruin it. It's kinda sick.

And she said I couldn't be with Marcus. She is not the boss of him or me.

I texted Marcus-

Hey, my mom is coming over today ughhhh :( but Friday can you babysit with me? :) xoxo

That stinks, but yeah i can if you want! Xoxo

I smiled at my phone and then put my phone down. Marcus was different. He knows what to say (most of the time) and how to act. He was my life now. I still can't believe he fell for me as soon as I moved in. I think. If he isn't pulling anything.

What if he is? What if all of this is a joke, or some bet or my mom? Is Marcus lying about everything? He probably is. And what a good actor he was.

Tears that were sitting in my eyes began to fall. For all I know Marcus could be lying about his entire life. He is probably doing it for money. I am such a ruined child.

I grabbed a pillow and stuffed my face into it. I remembered I had mascara on so I sat up and saw the stains that were left. I put the pillow back and stood up to go to my bathroom where I could wash off my face.

When I walked into my bathroom, I opened my drawer for soap. But I saw something that brought painful memories back.

My razor.

I used it countless times on my arms and legs, harming myself to make the pain go away. I remember I would do it while I was in the shower so my mom wouldn't see me. Sometimes I would even do it in my closet where I was alone and could cry without disturbance. I remember the look my mom would give me when she saw my cuts. She was afraid. Afraid I wouldn't make it. Afraid I would give in. Afraid her only child would be taken away by the darkness of depression.

I picked it up and studied it. It was really my worst enemy, but I never fought it. I was too afraid, like my mom. But I eventually realized, if I don't fight it, I am going to let it win. I didn't want to go that way. I wanted to live a happy life. I wasn't going to hurt my mom even more.

A few silent tears fell down my face and I chucked the razor into the garbage where I would never see it again. I didn't want to see it again.

I cleaned up my face and went back to my phone and searched up "#depression" on Instagram. I found people who were just like me when I had depression. I commented and DMed them paragraphs, telling them it's going to be okay. I told them lots of things I knew they would want to hear. Most of them answered and told me I had helped them a bit. And even if it was a bit I didn't care. I knew if someone had told me the same thing, it wouldn't help me cure depression, but it would still show me that their is hope in this world for me.

I took that hope and let it lead my path to the life I'm living now, and it's not a bad one.

~~

Hey. This chapter was so nice to type because I put so much feeling and effort into it because someone like you could have depression and I wanted to give them hope, and maybe let them allow light into there life and show them that there will be a better day. Because their will always be a better day for you.

Anyways, BYE FELCIANO