Hopeless Insanity

Girl Talk

"So... Tara asked if you're fucking Jackson and he's mad you said no?"

"Not exactly. He's mad I'm with Mac and asked the age old 'what if' question."

"I mean, I get why he's mad about Mac."

So this conversation came about after I realized going to the guys would be useless. Donna understands the frustrations that come with the club, especially as someone on the outside. She stands by the fact that she married my brother, she didn't marry the club. Sure that's caused some contention within their marriage but I can't fucking blame her for her anger. My brother did go to prison for 5 years after that prick... nope not gonna go down that path. I heard all about the shit that happened to him when the club found out he still had the reaper tat on his back. Point is, I was there throughout my brother's sentence, I know how hard that was for Donna. She and I got into a few fights over my refusal to write off SAMCRO. She's gotten better about shit but she's still the one I go to when I want to complain about the club. I could talk to Gemma but as much as she understands my frustration with her son, I'm still not going to talk mad shit about him to her. Of course Reggie is new to all of this and she still hates Mac so I'm not shocked by her being understanding of Jax's feelings on the man.

"OK, can we skip past the shit between Mac and I? I will never claim that the man is a saint or make excuses for him. Not fucking EVER but this isn't about him."

"What's it about then?"

"How my EX-boyfriend's baby mama is freaking out because she thinks I'm fucking him!"

Donna gives Reggie a look that tells me they probably regularly bitch about Mac when I'm not around, but ya know what? I really don't blame them. Put aside the fact that his drink was spiked, Mac still raped and abused Reggie that night. That is a kind of trauma that may never truly heal and I will NEVER make her feel bad for not just 'getting over it'. I can be a cold bitch but not about shit like that. I know I've said that before but sometimes it feels necessary to repeat myself. She has every right to feel how she does about the man. Do I wish he'd apologize and make shit right? Of course but to be honest, I don't think she'd accept an apology from him.

"Alright. Fair." Of course Donna's trying to keep the peace. She's seen my crazy on multiple occasions. "Are you really shocked though? I mean I love Jax but he has always had this weird thing when it comes to you."

"What weird thing?"

"Hmm... how do I phrase this so it doesn't sound psycho?" oh great, that doesn't exactly inspire confidence. "So... you're his best friend's little sister. You guys grew up together."

"Yeah?"

"So there's already that history but then on top of it you two dated for a couple years. I know you were pretty damn serious about him and for a minute we all thought the two of you would be end game."

I would love to lose my shit right now. Tell Donna not to bring this shit up, be a bitch about not wanting to hear about my past with Jackson, but I'm not gonna do that. She's not saying any of this to be hurtful, just pointing out the history we have together, and I'm sure her point will be a lightbulb moment for me.

"Yeah... and?"

"And... I think he feels like he still has some kind of claim on you. He obviously wants to be with Tara, but it seems like he's keeping you in the wings like some kind of backup plan."

"Oh, that's fucked." Reggie pulls a face and I must be making a similar one because Donna's trying not to laugh. Not because it's funny but because of how in sync the two of us can be. "Frankie's a person, not a toy."

"I completely agree but we've all seen how he is with her. I mean, be honest Frank. Before you moved to Stockton, you were pretty much at his beck and call."