When The World Caves In |C.G.

nine

I lied, and I lied big time. I'm a big fat liar. I've been living in a bubble here, forgetting about what lies beyond the fences of the farm. 

Glenn's news this morning just proves that. It caught me so off guard that the eggs I was eating for breakfast fell right out of my mouth; it was that jaw dropping. I wasn't even giving him my full attention when he dropped the bomb on us. I was leaning against Daddy's shins when he did it, we were having a quiet conversation to ourselves.

"The barn's full of walkers." 

The words echo through my brain wondering how no one noticed until now. While it wasn't before, everyone's attention sure is on him now. We're all looking at him with wide eyes. The whole group gets up, and our breakfast gets abandoned in exchange for investigating the barn. 

Daddy makes sure I stay behind him, as if the walkers will bust down the doors at any moment. Shane stalks up to one of the holes, looking through it the same way a predator would look at it's next meal. The louder the moans from the barn get, the more I realize that maybe nowhere is safe from the walkers. Shane walks away from the barm huffing and puffing with an angry look on his face. Not that that is anything new though. 

"You cannot tell my you're alright with this." He says angrily to Rick. 

"No, I'm not but we're guests here. This isn't our land." Rick reminds him. He's right Hershel is in charge of this land. We listen to his rules, after all he's done for us? It's the least we can do. 

"This is our lives!" Shane yells, he doesn't care about playing this out rational. I think he'll do anything to keep himself alive these days. 

"Lower your voice!" Glenn tells him. For all that yapping about our lives, Shane sure doesn't give a damn about raising attention of the walkers. They're coming closer and closer to the doors that are chained tightly shut. They rattle and for a second I stumble back.

"We can't just sweep this under the rug." Andrea points out. While she's right, I don't like agreeing with her. I like it even less that I apologized to her when I didn't want to. 

"It ain't right, not even remotely." Shane says, he starts sputtering out some hypothetical plan and pacing around. "Okay, we've either got to go in there, make things right or we've just got to go. Now we've been talking about Fort Benning for a long time."

It's amazing how he still wants to go to Fort Benning after all this time. Why should we risk it out on the road again, does he not care about Sophia, or the risks we'd take getting there? I think about how hard it was getting to the Farm itself, all that we've lost and all that's happened. Even after going to the CDC, seeing that the Army got overrun there. Why? I don't think it'd be much different than what we've already seen everywhere else in the state. 

"We can't go!" Rick yells at him. 

"Why, Rick! Why?" Shane's really testing him now. I see it in the way that Rick's jaw clenches. He's always trying to get Rick to crack. 

"My daughter is still out there." Carol speaks up cautiously. 

"Okay," Shane's about to burst at the seams. I don't know when exactly it will happen but he's going to lose it soon. We can all see it bubbling. "Okay, I think it's time that we all start to consider the other possibility."

I wonder how he can be so cruel to say that in front of the missing girl's mother. After everything we've been through to try and find her. He's got no empathy for anyone in this group. He tried to keep Daddy from getting Merle back, and he want's to leave Sophia behind like it's just a case of you snooze you lose. 

"We ain't leaving her!" I shout and Daddy takes a step forward in anger. 

"I'm close to finding this girl!" Daddy says. "I just found her damn doll two days ago."