When The World Caves In |C.G.

eighteen

I'm sitting by Lori at dinner, Daddy is sitting across the room and picking at his own dinner but I'm not ready to talk to him quite yet. I hate being yelled at. It usually takes me a little bit to get over it, except this time I feel like it might take me a long while. He called me stupid, and that hurts my feelings real bad.

Now that we've found the cafeteria, dinner is actually real filling. I'm munching on some rice, I think Daddy must've went hunting this morning too because there's some kind of meat mixed in my bowl too. I go to ask him, but I remember I'm upset at him and he's upset at me so I don't. Probably just squirrel or rabbit anyways. 

"You want me to brush your hair Rory?" Lori asks, combing a finger through it softly. It snags a bit so I nod. "Alright, go grab your brush sweet girl."

I take the stairs to my cell two at a time, rifling through my backpack to find my hairbrush. I suppose now that I got my own room I can unpack it. Maybe I can decorate the walls too. That'd be neat, maybe I'll ask Daddy to help me out. When I ain't mad at him that is. 

My hairbrush fits snuggly in my hand as I start heading down the stairs. I tread lightly across the cement floors. A force of habit from doing it all my life. I've always been as quiet as a mouse. Other than when I'm yapping, at least that's what Merle always told me. 

"You should talk to her," I hear Lori murmur quietly. "She thinks you hate her." 

"We both need some space, if I talk to her now she ain't gonna listen and I'll just blow up again." Daddy says, I pause behind the gate that leads to where we were eating. "Tomorrow, I'll talk to her tomorrow." 

"Tomorrow." Lori confirms, and I decide to stop being a creeper and hand her the brush. She's still standing by Daddy but I don't say nothing to him even though I feel his eyes on me. "Come on, go take a seat." 

I do as she tells me, returning to my empty bowl and tilting my head back so that she can brush each knot out. Lori's got a real gentle touch, gentler than when Daddy brushes my hair. He ain't got as much of it as me so I don't think he understands that you can't just yank the brush through when it gets snagged. 

His eyes feel like they're burning holes in the back of my head so I just try to make conversation with Lori, ignoring him entirely. 

"What's your favorite color?" I ask her, trying to avoid tilting my head up to look at her. 

"That is a tough one Miss Ror." She says, pretending to think for a second or two before finally answering my question. "Probably blue." 

"Like Carl's eyes?" I ask and I feel her body shift to look over at where Carl is talking to Rick. Carl's got real pretty eyes, a real pretty face too. I'd never tell him that though, it'd go straight to his head.

"Yeah, just like Carl's." She hums. "He got those from his daddy." 

"I bet the baby will have the same color of eyes as you, if it's a girl." I tell her, real confidently. 

"That would be pretty cool huh," She says with a chuckle, bringing the brush through my hair once more. "How do you want your hair done?" 

"Can you do the two braids?" I ask and she nods, beginning to section one side of my hair to form the first one. When she's done with that one, she moves onto the second one. 

"There you go sweetheart." She tells me, finishing off the second braid and squeezing my shoulder lightly. "Why don't you head on up to bed?" 

Standing up, I wrap my arms around her waist. I'm real appreciative of Lori. She's made me feel so much better when earlier I was feeling like a stick in the mud. 

"Night Lori." I tell her. Daddy's watching us closely, and I make eye contact with him for a split second before tearing away. Retreating back to my cell I get ready for bed and tuck myself into bed, falling asleep for the night.

+

Daryl ascends the stairs to his daughters cell. He pauses for a brief moment. It's blocked by a sheet serving as a curtain to give her privacy. It's decorated with flowers, ranging in colors of pinks, purples, oranges, and yellows. 

There's no sounds coming from inside, and when he pulls back the curtain he sees his daughter. Aurora is curled up into a ball, clutching that damn bear to her chest like a lifeline. Her two blond braids frame her face, baby hairs poking out. The same face that still hasn't grown out of her baby cheeks despite being malnourished for the past year. 

He feels his throat start tightening as he takes a step in. Daryl knows regret. He knows guilt. He knows shame. He knows he lost his temper. He knows his daughter is smart, even if she doesn't. Daryl knows all of these things. Daryl knows he's a shitty father.

The sound of his footsteps getting closer don't seem to wake Rory, even though she tends to sleep lightly these days. Maybe he should take that as a sign she's getting comfortable enough to feel safe here. 

Daryl takes a seat at the edge of the bed, she's unmoving at the feeling of his weight making the bed dip. If anything, she seems to hold Mr. Tubbins tighter. His heart aches for unknown reasons. Her lost childhood, the way she felt the need to risk her life to save Hershel's. The idea that he'd never be able to give her the childhood she deserved, even before all this. 

He breathes in deeply, then reaches out a hand to cradle her small face. The blond wisps of hair that look just like his as a child, the blue eyes that mirror his own. The way she was crying, apologizing to him earlier, her eyes are still red. He knows she was crying for a long time. He heard her, even though she was trying to be quiet. His perch ain't that far away. 

He watched her with Lori tonight. The way she tried not to look at his direction, the way when he caught her looking she'd look away quickly. Sent a stab of pain right to his heart. Then, when Lori was done braiding her hair, the way she hugged the woman before waltzing off the bed and didn't give a second glance back towards him. 

They always said goodnight. Always. There was never a moment in time that Daryl and Aurora didn't wish each other a goodnight unless he was working early into the morning. Tonight though, he watched her walk across the room, going to bed without even saying goodnight. It hurts more than it should. 

Daryl is an asshole, he knows that. Daryl knows that he's never done anything to deserve Aurora and her kind heart in all of his years of living. 

He's half-tempted to wake her up now  and apologize. He doesn't though, knowing she hasn't slept through the night in a long time. Instead, he leans down placing a kiss to her forehead and ignoring the urge to break down. 

"Goodnight Aurora." He whispers softly into her temple, moving her blond hair from her face once more. He stands up quietly, pulling the blanket further up on her shoulders so that she doesn't get cold. With that, he quietly exits the cell, promising that he'll make things right tomorrow.