When The World Caves In |C.G.

thirty three

"Carl!" I shout in a hushed whisper. It's dark outside, but I've got something really important to tell him. It absolutely can't wait. His own cell is dark, but I know he's in there because his dad said goodnight to him not too long ago. 

Someone in one of the adjacent cells shushes me, but I roll my eyes creeping forward and pulling the curtain to Carl's cell back. He's flipping through a comic book with a flashlight when I pounce onto the bed, halfway startling him. 

"What are you doing here Rory?" Carl asks looking behind me quickly to see if someone else is peeking through the curtains. Technically, we're not supposed to visit each other after lights off, but technically I was just walking by, because technically my cell is on the other side of his and technically Daddy isn't here right now cause he's storing his bike up. We just got back from a run, it took longer than it was supposed to but I'm glad I wound up going. It gave me time to find the perfect gift for Carl's birthday. 

We've been living in the prison for a while now, and Judith grows bigger each day. I was talking to Hershel earlier and he said that she seems to be about 4 months old, meaning Carl's birthday is right around the corner. I try to ignore the fact that her being 4 months means Lori's been gone for 4 months. I try to ignore the fact that Carl's birthday means over a year has passed by since the beginning of this whole thing, give or take a few weeks.

"I came to say goodnight." I tell him, throwing his comic to the floor and slinging my arms around Carl. His hands grab my waist to keep me from bumping my head on the cement wall next to us. I press my lips to his in a quick peck, even though it's dark in here I can see the tips of his ears growing red. "And..." 

I shuffle around in the bag I brought with me before I find the gift I stashed earlier. I managed to snag some old newspaper to wrap it in too. It doesn't look the prettiest but, that's okay. I tried. I hold the thing out in the sliver of moonlight that creeps through the curtains to the cell.

"Ta-da! Happy Birthday Cowboy!" I tell him with a grin. Slowly he peels the newspaper back, careful not to rip a singular piece of it. He's more strong willed than I am, I would've ripped that to shreds trying to get to the present inside. Carl unravels the newspaper slowly, revealing the gift inside.It's a small stack of comics, but it's sealed in plastic. Some deal the store we picked through had running. They're brand new, untouched by the new world. Carl's eyes gleam with delight as he squeezes me close. "Oh and it ain't completed without a birthday cake!" 

I throw a Big Cat at him, to which he takes the chocolate gladly. He sets both the comics and candy bar to the side pulling me into an even longer hug. His voice is muffled by my hair but I think he says thank you, especially with the way his lips linger on the top of my head. This is his second birthday in the apocalypse, and the first one without his mama. I wanted it to be special for him, cause I know Lori would've wanted that too.

 Every night, I whisper up to Lori, sometimes I even whisper up to Merle but that's usually when I'm complaining about Daddy being overbearing. I'm not sure if I believe in Heaven or God or any of that, but I do believe in Lori. She's surely watching over all of us, making sure we're not getting into any trouble. Well, more than usual anyways. 

Still, every night I whisper up to Lori; hoping that she's listening somewhere. I tell her about each day that has passed, what cute thing Judith has done recently, the progress we've made in making the prison a home for everyone. More importantly though, I tell her about Carl and how far he's come along since her death. 

Four long months without her. 

I miss her daily, and I know Carl misses her even more. She was his mama, for a while at the beginning she was all he had. I know she'd be proud of the boy he is today, even with how grumpy he can be, and she'd love little Judy. 

"I know there ain't a real way of telling no more, but I figured we were close enough. It's been real cold recently." I tell him. "That's why Daddy and I went out today, I just couldn't wait no more." 

"This is the sweetest thing anyone's ever done for me Roo." Carl says grinning, someone else shushes us and I roll my eyes once more. They can suck it. I'm having a very important moment with my boyfriend. I'll leave eventually, sometime soon even. They can wait just a few more minutes.  

"I just want you to have a good day," I whisper, pressing another kiss to his lips before sliding off the bed. He squeezes my hand as I get to my feet and I squeeze right back. It's a reminder that we're both still here together. Something silly, but it's important to us. 

"Rory your daddy's walkin this way!" Maggie pipes up from the other side of the curtain and I take that as my cue to leave. I kiss his cheek and scramble off his bed.

"Goodnight Roo." Carl says as I exit his cell. 

"'Night Cowboy," I say sending him a wink and exiting his cell. Daddy rounds the corner on the stairs giving me a look. 

"You should be in bed by now Aurora." Daddy tells me and I shrug, pointing to my cell that I'm standing in front of. 

"I'm going, just had to let Carl know we were back." I tell him, slowly tip-toeing backwards into my own cell. "You know he's a worrier that one." 

"Mhm." Daddy scoffs and turns around, heading towards his own room in one of the old offices. He's made it real cozy, and tends to spend nights watching through one of the windows in there. Sometimes when I can't sleep in my own cell, I join him and we talk until the sun rises. 

That happens more often than not, the nightmares tend to plague my dreams. Even when I do sleep, I don't sleep well. Each night is a new retelling of the same story. Someone I love dies, someone I love gets bit, someone I love gets taken. Sometimes I'm even the one that dies, but thats usually reserved for really hard nights. You get the point. 

"Night Rose." Daddy says. I slowly back into my cell kicking off my boots into the corner and reaching for Mr. Tubbins as I make myself comfortable. 

"Night Daddy." I call back, and someone shushes me again. "Oh piss off! I'm going!"