When The World Caves In |C.G.

forty

"Ouch! Shit Beth!" I wince as Beth pulls the hairbrush from my knotted up hair. It's been a few days since I nearly died, life at the prison has gone back to normal, almost. 

"You're the one who asked." Beth says, running the brush through my hair once more. We're having a million conversations at once, there's just too much to catch up on. 

"Yeah cause I thought you'd be nice about it." I say, rubbing my scalp as she puts the brush down. "I nearly died you know, you should be nicer." 

"Where's Carl at? Shouldn't you be bugging him instead of me?" She asks me and I roll my eyes. 

"Ain't you supposed to be my best friend?" I ask, turning to face her. She laughs and Judith coos from her place on the bed. She's chewing on some cups and hitting them together. "Gross, I think she had a blowout." 

"I am, and I'll get her changed." She laughs, tickling Judiths belly. "Just figured you missed him is all." 

"He's farming with Rick." I say. "Your daddy said I shouldn't exert myself too much so I ain't allowed to help. Besides, I'm kind of avoiding him?" 

"So you're hanging out with me out of obligation." Beth quips back, quickly stripping Judith of the soiled diaper and pants. "Why are you avoiding him?"

"Yeah, whatever that means." I shrug, kicking my feet over the edge of the bed. "I need to tell him something, but I'm not sure how to tell him." 

"Like?" She asks and I grimace. I hate when she does this. The way she makes me actively say the words I'm thinking. When she does that, that means they're true and I can't take them back. She knows that so that's why she keeps doin' it.

"I might be in love with him." I say nonchalantly. Beth goes oddly silent as she looks at me. 

"You're what!" She asks. 

"Shh!" I say, running to cover her mouth. She always does this, and yet I never seem to learn. 

"You have to tell him." She urges me and I shake my head. In no way will I tell him anytime soon. If he doesn't feel the same, I'm gonna look like a love sick puppy that was kicked to the curb.

"I don't know how!" I remind her and she laughs picking up Judith who is in a fresh diaper and set of clothes.  

"Just tell him when it feels right." 

+

"Ma, I'm fine." Beau says, swatting his mothers hand away from his face. He's loading a large gun, he doesn't know how to use it. Not entirely, but he'll keep his mother safe. 

After standing by useless for most of his childhood, watching her sacrifice everything for him, he's got the chance to keep her safe now. He'll do whatever it takes. 

"He kidnapped two people Beau." Eliza whispers harshly, looking over her shoulder. She didn't trust this man, not entirely. At 18 years old, Beau is still her baby boy. He'll always be just that. No matter how grown he thinks he is. "Their group ain't going to be happy bout that, you'll get caught in the crossfire." 

"At the first sign of danger, I'll run." Beau says with a sigh, looking at his mother. "I promise, Ma." 

"If I can't change your mind, I'm coming with you." Eliza says, stroking her sons dark blond curls from his face. His blue eyes find hers and she finds herself thinking about her daughter. She's already lost one child, she's not going to lose her son too. "We'll do this together, and the minute I say we're leaving, you don't argue." 

"Together." Beau complies. 

+

I'm reading the Outsiders again, flipping through the frayed edges in one of Daddy's old flannels when an explosion shakes the walls around me. Carl darts towards my cell first before we're all sent running.