Thoughts

Definetly not gay

His hair was long, his eyes a light hazel colour.
He was the same age as me.
But a few inches taller.
And he wasnt gay.

Like what are the odds? You find yourself the perfect boy. Nice, caring, very good looking, carismatic and cool with everyone. On top of that he also plays piano. Like really how much more dreamy can it get? And how more unrealistic for him to be gay or for us to get together. I had no chances with him. I knew that. But having something to look forward to while going to school was always welcomed. So I kept my little crush on him...

It was just a normal monday mornig. Peeling yourself from the sheets of your bed and getting just enough courage to walk into the bathroom. Nothing extraordinary. I got ready and made myself a cup of black tea with milk and coffee. Disgusting combination for some but the perfect morning drink for me.
My mom had left a note on the table that she had to leave early. A little smile spread across my face. That meant she would also be home earlier and we could finish watching that rom com we had started yesterday.
She worked a normal office job but she was happy with it. It payed good money and her coworkers were nice. She was obsessed with cooking for me so she always made my lunchbox for school and we would often cook together. Todays lunch box was a traditional japanese bento. She knew i loved rice so she tried to bring it in where she could. I truly loved my mom. I grabbed my backpack and my coffee mix and started walking to the bus station. I was a little late so i had to run. But i made it and sat down in one of the seats. I looked out the window as the bus started to drive towards the school. He would be there. And i would go up to him fistbump him and pretend everything was the same as it always has been. Because he was my best friend. And we were bros. Nothing more. At least for him.
We had known each other since grade school and went throu a lot together. But for some reason we never tlaked about feelings and stuff. We just spent time together. Hanging out with friends, doing stupid things. Just sitting in his room with nothing to do.
He had his first girlfriend in third grade. He cheated on her with another girl. He lost his virginity right when he got 14. He had had a bunch of different girlfriends. Not one guy. Not even a hint that he could be gay. But still i kind of had that feeling. When our eyes crossed. When he put his arm around my shoulder. That feeling that it meant as much to him as it meant to me. But i was never sure if it was just my fantasies making that up. Deep in thoughts i hadnt noticed that someone asked if the seat besides me was free. A girl. She wore a beanie and her backback looked like it belonged to a middle schooler. She had to be about 16. I smiled at her and moved my bag so she could sit. She thanked me. She had something interesting on her. She didnt look as plain as the other students on the bus. She asked a stranger for a seat. Not somerhing normally given in our generation. My thoughts spiraled back to him again. He did all the thibgs a typicall teenager would do but he was a lot more polite and steady with himself. Not a show off and just genuenly nice to everyone. An amazing person with a big friend group and a talent for socializing. The bus stopped. I waited until the girl had gotten up from her seat and stepped outside. I walked with the other students towards our school building. It could be prettier but it was alright. I walked throu the door and mad emyself a way throu all the students tryibg to get to theier classrooms. The first period was math. I didnt suck at it but i didnt like it either. He was really good at it thou. At everything schook realted actually. He gave tutoring lessons to pimp um his pocket money a bit. And he was already in the classroom when i walked in. Talking to different students and just being the social butterfly he was. As he noticed me he smiled and stolled over to me. I put my bag on the floor and sat down, across from him who was already leanig over the table and looking at me. "Todays a party at Jessicas. Wanna come? It will be fun i promise and since its not the weekend it wont be too late. You have to tag along"
He knew i didnt like staying out late on weeknights because my sleep rythim alwasy messed with me. But i just had to look up, see the sprak in hos eyes. His hair falling in his face and his forearms placed on the table, to know that i would be going.
"Alright. Just this one time." His sime got even brighter and at this rate k was scared i would blush so close were our faces. "Great! See you there at eight." He pushed himself back and went tl his seat. The teacher had cpme in and the lesson was about to start. And i was again sure that i would never get over him.

It was almost eight when i grabbed my jacket and went in the living room to say goodbye tl my mom. "Be safe honey! And use a condom!" Omg. For real. "Mooom! Come on!" "Just saying. Better be safe than sorry, have fun!"
She always had to say something like that. But i suppose thats what moms are like. And she wanst wrong. Only the fact that i was gay and a virgin made it a little bit unnesecary for her to say that. But she didnt know that yet. I closed the door behind me and stepped outside. It was still farely warm but a little breeze played with my hair. I looked up at the sky. Slowly turning red. I loved sunset. It was just so calm and beautiful. I had to wlak but i didnt mind. Jessicas house was only a few blocks from mine and i was able to enjoy ghe biutiful sight of the sun slowly going down and leaving red and purple makrs on the sky. I took a deep breath and started walking towards her door. I could already hear the music playing inside. It was a week day and only eight, my goodness. I doubt they would even hear me if i rang the bell. I didnt have to because the door was already open. At least that far was thought. As i got inside i already smelled the fruty smell of vapes and drinks. The party was already going off pretty well and a lot of people were drunk. Seconds later i found out why. The bowl consisted of all sorts of drinks but someone had put a ton of vodka in it. My eyes serched for him. He wasmt in the living room. None of my closer friends were. I started looking for them and asked a few people if the had seen them. They were upstairs apperantly. I soon found out why. Guess who drank the bowle. Guess who was absolutely smashed. It was him. Lalling on about his life to some girl. Her friebds were already giggling waiting for something scandalous to happen. I grabbed him by his collar and just opened the next door. The girls looked a little disapointed but walked away looking for something more interesting. I pushed him into the room and closed the door. It was a guest room with only a bed and a cabinet in it. "Dude, what the heck are you doing!" "I juss drank a liddle bid of the juicee, jus alille bid." He looked at me smiling and looking a little bit wobbly on his feet. How much vodka was in there. I had no idea what to do with him. I had never been present when he got so drunk. I didnt drink much so i usuaully wanst at the partys where people just drank and drank and drank. I got lost in my thoughts and almost jumped as he made a step towards me. The room wasnt comlleatly dark so i could see the counours of his face. He looked straight at me. "Why are you loggin so fine todayy?" What. He had gotten really close. I couldnt move a muscle staring into his eyes tilting my head a little bit upwards. He stared at me for a few seconds and then he just kissed me.