How I feel about my bestfriend

How do you make me feel?

Today my best friend texted me and he asked me a question I wasn't expecting he asked me if I liked him. I wasn't expecting him to ask me that. I had a feeling he was going to ask me I didn't know it was so soon. I need to ask myself the same question for years. Asking myself if I like my best friend more than friends or just friends. I took a moment to myself and thought what am I going to tell him? I wasn't sure if I liked him so I told him I don't know or not because most of the time I was not sure of my feelings for him. I think he only asked me that because a few months ago he had picked up his birthday gift. And I had gotten him pajamas he thought the pajamas were girls I told him on shein it says guys and I also wrote him some notes like we used to do in high school. I also gave him some friendship bracelets it was best friends bracelets matching Yin and Yang. And best friend necklace matching heart that says together forever never apart maybe in distance but never in heart. And I have gotten him more of the Yin and Yang bracelet and necklace. I just ask him why he asks because I know why he asks I am kinda nervous about what he is going to say. So I am going to try not to think about it. I am just waiting for him to text me back. When he had asked me that question my heart started beating fast. I had to calm down before texting him back. I have been writing this book for a few years because I wanted to write down what I am feeling for him. Some days I am sure of how I feel for him. And most days I am not sure if I like him more than a friend. So when he asked me I didn't know what to say. I knew in 2020 that I was going to tell him that we needed to talk because I didn't want to have this talk over the phone or text I wanted to tell him in person face to face. I was going to tell him on his birthday that year one or two months before his birthday he told me that he had a girlfriend and I had gotten myself ready to tell him that I liked him more than a friend and that it's ok that he doesn't feel the same way. I had a feeling g in 2020 that he was going to ask me this so I wrote this book because I knew I would be too nervous to tell him later on. I had planned to write this book and when I was finished writing this book I would send him it. I never got the chance to tell him, it I did hit at him that I am writing a book I even hit about the book the same year I had started writing it. I am scared and nervous to tell him because I am, scared of losing him there are always what-ifs in my head I always wanted to tell him for years even in high school when we were hanging out it felt like it wasn't ever the right time to tell him. And a lot of his ex and a lot of our classmates had gotten in my head and I have believed that I am a boyfriend taker. A lot of people in high school called me a lot of names I was always down they also called him names his cousin told me that everyone thought that I my best friend was dating and that me and him are having an affair with one other with other people. A lot of people called me names that weren't very nice every time my best friend asked me if I was ok I told him that I was fine. But I wasn't fine I didn't want him to worry I thought that I could handle it all alone. I was dealing with a lot at the time I still am. All I told him was that someone was talking about you. I did tell him that Molly and Brianna and some there friends were talking about it that was true they were talking about me and that he and I are always hanging out with one another and they were always talking about his legs. I had overheard them talking about him when I was walking to class and they were talking about him and his legs and it wasn't very nice. I did stand up for him I told them they shouldn't make fun of his legs and a lot of guys have hair on their legs if you have a problem with his legs keeps it to yourself. I have a lot of reasons why I haven't told him about what I feel about him I am scared and afraid of what he is going to say. I am scared of getting hurt again. And I don't want to lose him as a friend. I don't know what I would do without him. I can tell him anything the only thing I haven't to. tell him that I like him I think I am not ready to tell him or I am just not ready for what he is going to say I always have these what-if moments and it keep holding me back from telling him how I feel about him. I have been trying for years to tell him even in high school at first I thought I liked him as a brother now I like him more than a feel and I don't know how to tell him. I was ready to tell him in 2020 now I am not sure if I am ready. I guess I will never know because every time I am ready to tell him he has a girlfriend. And I don't want to ruin his relationship with his girlfriend and I also don't want to ruin our friendship over this. Because I don't want to be that person that has ruined a relationship because I have feelings for them. I just want him to be happy even when it's not with me. I will just try to move on. Or try to I am crying typing this. Maybe one day I will send him this book and when I send him this book I will probably turn my phone off because I am afraid of what he is going to say to me after he has finished reading it. I will probably send him the link to this book in a few months or so. I will see you in part 22 on how I feel about my best friend bye.