줄기― " They told me that I'll never succeed and I'll never fulfill my dreams but I'm not one to back down. With the support of my family, I showed them I can-by defying all odds"
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[ Date: February 20, 2014 – Night before the contract signing ]
⎯⎯ ୨ KALA'S JOURNAL ୧ ⎯⎯
Everyone else is asleep.
The house is quiet except for the hum of the fridge and the soft wheeze of wind slipping through the cracked window near my desk.
I should be asleep, too.
Tomorrow's important—maybe one of the most important days of my life. But here I am, wide awake, twirling my pen like it'll answer the question I've been dodging all week:
"Am I choosing this... or escaping into it?"
Signing a contract sounds beautiful on paper.
A performance director at BigHit.
At twelve.
I should be proud. Grateful.
And a part of me is.
But another part—the tired one, the bruised one, the version of me that only exists when no one's watching—feels like she's being asked to wear a mask made of glass.
Pretty. Shiny. Fragile.
What if this becomes another cage?
Another place I can't breathe in because I have to be strong.
Be talented. Be polished. Be "fine."
I don't want to disappoint anyone.
Not Bang PD-nim. Not Jimin-oppa.
Not Mom or Dad. Not Jihyun-oppa.
But mostly—I don't want to disappoint that little version of me who used to dance barefoot in the living room.
The one who didn't know anything about contracts or deadlines.
The one who just wanted to move.
To be free.
Still... what if this is it?
Not the end of something, but the beginning?
A place where I don't just perform—
**I create.**
Where I don't just follow—
**I lead.**
Where my voice doesn't just echo behind others'...
**It shapes the rhythm.**
That thought...
That possibility...
It stirs something in me I haven't felt in a long time.
Hope.
And maybe hope is enough to take the first step.
Even if my hands are trembling.
So tomorrow, I'll wake up early.
I'll brush my hair, hide the marks, smile like I've always done.
But maybe—just maybe—I'll do it not to please others,
but because I'm choosing this.
Not as a girl running from pain.
But as someone stepping toward something new.
A place to grow.
A stage to build.
A choreography of my own making.
A life where I don't just survive... I begin to move again.
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