My Boy [under editing]

Ch. 28

BITS OF REGRET

❝too far away, the distance I feel from you is far.
I can't let go of a little trace I got from you❞

—Kim Feel, fallin'

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jungkook

"I should've move on faster! I shouldn't be crying like this!" the more she speaks, the stronger her sobbing, "why? why? why? why did I fall for him in the first place?!" I could feel her suffering, I knew that she had difficulty with breathing at that moment.

breaking her heart is the last thing I want to do in this world, but I did it. her heart that was frail, I held it—then, I broke it—just like crumpling a piece of paper. and every time I hear her crying at most nights, I started to hate myself.

I started to hate myself for hurting her on the same day when her mother was admitted at the hospital. I hated myself for not protecting her, when I should've been there embracing her in my arms and comfort her.

"YAH JEON JUNGKOOK! WHY ARE YOU ON THE FLOOR?" their loud voice activated my migraine that I had to flinch right after I opened my eyes. I sat up slowly with both of my eyes closed tightly.

the stabbing on my head was too strong, I couldn't help but to groan, "why are you guys so loud in my room—ah!" my heart dropped after realising that I was in fact on the floor and I was not in my room. "why am I on the floor?!" when I looked around and realised the familiar door, my jaw dropped, I was lying in front of hyemi's door.

"yah," his hand gripped the beer can that I just finished, "that's the 10th beer for today, the fuck is wrong with you?" he asked with his silly frown and then, just before I can grab another beer can, he already pushed my hand away.

I let out an effortless laugh, "with what permission did I tell you to PUSH MY HANDS AWAY?" I pointed his face as if my index finger was the most pointed and sharp item in the world, "OHO! HOW DARE YOU!"

I could hear him snorted, "with what permission? yah. with what permission did I tell you to hurt, hyemi? huh?" his sigh was heavy that even I knew how much disappointed he was in me. "how could you break such fragile heart just for that wench."

"I know right?" my stupid drunk self stared on the dark sky and remembered the nights after our break up, my tears were just falling beyond my control because the image of her crying in my mind was too strong that it hurt me. "how could I break the heart of the girl I love?"

"I need to drink some water, do you want some?"

I shook my head while standing up, I kept on pressing my eyes tightly every time I felt the stabbing pain on my head. "I think—" I felt like I was walking steadily but I could feel myself bumping on the wall.

"it hurts—" even with my head spinning, I could hear her voice clearly as if she was right next to me. I gripped my doorknob, slowly twisting but it was locked. I wanted to twist harder but I stopped on track when I hear her sobbing.

my legs grew weak and my eyes were getting heavy, "I'm sorry hyemi-ah—" and the last thing I remember that night, everything was in pitch black and my head had hit a cold surface and there was no sobbing haunting me to sleep.

I got up and went to the kitchen with the others, "I mean, I was with taehyung last night, didn't he see me?" I asked them once we all sat down while seokjin was preparing our breakfast. I looked around to find hyemi, "why isn't she coming out? did I scare her?"

they all exchanged looks with stern and concern on their face. then, taehyung entered the kitchen with worry, "hyemi isn't feeling well, so I told her to skip her class and rest." I stared on the space in front of me as I remembered her crying last night.

the others were worried because everyone had classes that morning, so no one was there to take care of her. "it's okay," I said, "I have a strong headache too, I'll stay here and check on her—what?" I was in content with my words but they had to look at me weirdly.

"you? with her? you can't even look into her eyes when we're all together."

I let out a heavy sigh, "I know...it's partly my fault anyway," my voice was getting quieter as I speak as if I was whispering. "but I'm sure that she'll sleep on her bed until you guys come home. it's not like I'm facing her every minutes, I'll just be there when she need—"

every each words coming out from my lips were getting more corny and weird. nonetheless, they let me stay and take care of her anyway because some of them had assignments to do. so, right after we finished eating, one by one, they went out to attend their classes.

after a couple of minutes of staring at her door, I breathed out heavily and entered the bathroom to take a long thoughtful shower. I couldn't explain how I felt but every time I stood up in front of the shower as water hits my skin, all I had was an ache in my chest.

I should've hug her tighter when she wanted to break up—why did I even trust the person who betrayed me? I closed my eyes every time I remember the look on her face when she entered the room—she was hurting.

the more I remember about it, the more regretful I was. as I was about to turn off the shower, I heard a glass broken and a small shriek, "hyemi?!" I dashed out from the bathroom with a towel wrapped around my lower part and without thinking twice, I entered her room.

she was kneeling on the floor while she held her right hand and the glass were shattered on the floor, and then, she lifted her heavy eyes, "j-jungkook—"