Despite the Originals | Ninjago and Miraculous Oneshots

SH Comfort - Kai and Cole

TRIGGER WARNING FOR SELF HARM OBVIOUSLY BC THAT'S WHAT SH STANDS FOR IN CASE YOU DIDN'T KNOW

I normally wouldn't post something like this but I'm going through something right now okay

Also this isn't romantic (sorry Lava shippers)

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Kai's POV

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The same feeling washed over me again. Again. Again! Why?

I scratched at my arms. I tore off my shirt to get rid of the heat. I grabbed a pillow and squeezed and screamed and sobbed, desperate for the feeling to leave. 

I couldn't get it out. Every other bed in the room was empty, so I pulled out the dagger that I kept under my mattress, and slashed at my arms. 

It still wasn't enough. I kept going until the pain overwhelmed me. I wasn't cutting very deep, but there was still blood pouring down my body. I hadn't meant to go that far.

"Kai, what're you doing in the dark?" Cole asked as he pushed open the door. "We're playing Storm Crusher 3 and the teams are uneven."

"I'm... I'm not really in the mood for video games," I said.

"Not in the mood for video games? Are you feeling okay?" he asked with a laugh.

I tried to laugh along with him, but I couldn't force it out.

He paused. "Are you feeling okay?"

When I didn't answer, he turned on the light. I pulled my blankets up to cover myself, but I wasn't fast enough. Even if I was, there was blood all over my bed and the floorboards surrounding it.

Cole stood there, horror in his expression, unable to process what he was looking at.

"Kai?"

"I'm sorry, okay? I know I made a mess. I'll clean it up."

"I don't care about that!" he hissed, stomping over to my bed. He ripped my blankets away from me, picked up my left hand, and studied my arm. "Did you do this just now?"

I nodded. The urge to cry washed over me again, but I wouldn't give in to my tear ducts. 

"Stay there," Cole ordered, and ran out of the room. I heard him open the linen closet, and later I heard the kitchen tap running. While he was out there, he told the rest of the team to play their game without us.

Cole returned with a damp towel and the first aid kit. As he cleaned off my wounds, I stared at my pillows, and I couldn't fight the tears anymore.

"Can you tell me what happened?" Cole asked when he finished wrapping me up with bandages. 

I shook my head.

He sighed and sat with his back against the bed post. "I know this isn't the first time you've done this, Kai."

I didn't react.

"You don't have to talk to me, but you know that you can, right?"

I nodded.

Cole folded his arms and tilted his head. "What's running through your mind right now?"

"I hate it," I said, closing my eyes. "I hate what I've done."

"The cuts?"

"No. I hate what I've done in the past. To other people. The person I was before."

"What are you talking about?"

I flopped onto my side with a groan. "I'm not a good person, Cole."

"Not a good--what the fuck, Kai! You've literally save the world on multiple occasions!"

"Yeah, but... but..."

Cole's face fell. "Don't listen to your brain. It's lying to you."

"I know," I whispered. I knew that it was. But it was very convincing.

"Can I hug you?"

I nodded, and he shifted over to where I was sitting. He pulled me in tight and held me against his chest. At first the gesture made me insecure, but I got over my ego and just let my big brother hold me.

"You are a good person," Cole said. "Even if you don't feel like you are, you are. I wouldn't be friends with you if you weren't."

"I've said things," I muttered.  "I've done things. I didn't mean to hurt people, but I did."

"You've made mistakes, Kai, but a few accidents don't negate all the good you've done for everyone else."

"It doesn't matter, though," I said, pushing myself away. "I can't be a good person if I've screwed up."

"Being good doesn't mean being perfect. Take Master Wu, for instance! He makes mistakes on the regular. Hell, how many villains have tried to end the world because of a mistake he made in the past? But the point is, he is still a good person because his heart is in the right place. Being good isn't about who you were. It's about who you are now."

My stomach felt like it was burning me up from the inside. "I'm trying to get better. I really am. I want to fix myself and not be so mentally ill so I can set a better example for Lloyd--"

"Don't get better for Lloyd. Get better for you. You deserve to feel better, Kai."

My eyes started leaking again, and I crawled back to Cole for another hug. He patted my hair and rubbed my back as he held me. He made me feel like I mattered, and for once, I believed him over my brain. 

I deserved to feel better.