"I suppose you know." Sissie told me, before she shrugged. It was quiet for a while before she said, "The truth, full truth. I owe you that much." She lapsed in a little girl's voice before she resumed her usual voice. She would go onto apologize but for two things specifically. She made it clear she is rather fond of me and, while she couldn't keep me as close as she wanted, she did want me to know the truth but she was sorry more for giving me her burdens, as she swore me to secrecy.
"I'm sorry," she said, initially, in her little girl's voice, before going, "I have to tell you about that night. My burdens have become yours and you must not tell anyone." She became stoic, the light or, what little thereof, was gone from her eyes, and it seemed she was reliving something. She broke into tears before letting out this guttural shriek and then she recomposed herself. "Satsuki." she uttered. I was taken aback, as she reiterated, "Satsuki. My name is Satsuki." She would tell me that I must not tell anyone I know what her name is.
"What is your surname?"
"Kiryuuin. I am 'Satsuki Kiryuuin', the oldest daughter of the Kiryuuins."
"..."
"I was 11-years old, when Mother died."
She would tell me about "that night." She told me that, yes, their mother died but it was by her hand and that she "snapped." She was crying again, as she relived the event. "Something in my being was broken but it went from 'broken' to being 'shattered'. I'm the oldest so I'd get beaten the worse and she called me downstairs first. Would she have gone that far? I didn't want to find out so I grabbed the gun and that was it. I did it. I'm the one who shot her." her voice sounded like it did when she was about 11 years old.
"How did the fire start?"
"After getting my sisters and what things we could take out of the house, I lit the fire. There was some blowback, leading to scars."
Stoic tears ran like rivers down her face. "Let it be known that I didn't want to shoot her. I just wanted her stop hurting us, so what was I to do? There is no joy in having to do what I did. Abusive and cruel as she was, Ragyo was the only mother we've known." she said, staring through things. She would recompose herself again, telling me that her sisters have a nice home here, with the Underachiever's family, and she'd never want to jeopardize their well-being. As she told me, "My sisters are all I have and I don't want to lose them. I would have run away, just myself but I couldn't bear to leave them alone, because I knew they wouldn't fare as well without me there. If I get taken, I don't know how they'll fare without me."
I asked her if she thought her sisters deserved the truth and she told me, "They do, but not like this." She would go on to tell me that she'd take what happened to the grave if she could, before wondering aloud if she should just go to the grave so what she did and knew would die with her. Of course, I doubt she'd actually act on it or attempt to. I would be correct in that she said, "No, I can't leave them like that."
I left that house conflicted as ever. Gamagoori, Houka, and Uzu were right or very close and, now, I'm in so deep. Satsuki has been shouldering a burden for years and, now, I have to share it. She's already been so betrayed and I couldn't just reveal what she knew. What she did or had to do caused her much more duress. She was a child then and she did what she had to. Her mother—Ragyo— was abusive; an absolute monstress to her children, and Sissie had to put her down like the rabid animal she was.
I wanted to convince myself that she was telling a story, a very twisted one. I couldn't. Too many details lined up. She was shy and avoidant. She had covered up her scars with makeup and clothing and she was so fiercely loving and protective of her sisters that she may as well have given birth to them herself. She was in control but, at the same time, powerless. In doing what she had to, she was a child, yet her childhood was nonexistent, staying stuck between two points in her life—The abused and terrified little girl and an elegant young woman with a masquerade, both trying to navigate an already ruined life with a shattered psyche. Even the names she went by were two people in one—Sissie, the elegant, educated girl I got to know, and Satsuki, the traumatized little girl underneath. No wonder she was so mixed up.
To report what I knew would be betraying her, when she was already betrayed enough. She had her sisters and they only had her, reporting her would tear them away from each other. She was a child then, so who knows what her punishment would have been. Maybe the authorities would have granted her leniency based on circumstances or maybe they would have been separated into different homes but she was a little girl and wouldn't have known. Even now, years later, she's still scared for her sisters.
I couldn't fault her for not telling me any of this sooner. If anything, I felt for her but, as much as I felt for her, I felt cursed by her. Some part of me was upset at her, upset at her for keeping these secrets, swearing me to secrecy, and, in a sense, implicating me in her crimes, but the rest of me couldn't be. She was only a little girl and her sisters were all she had. She needed help but I know she won't seek it.
Pandora's box was opened, and I was tossed in it, right along with her. At least, Pandora's box had hope concealed within it but, in this one, hope was gone, long gone.
Authoress Note: As noted before, some of the use of emphases denote Satsuki's vocal changes.
