Music Playing: Certainty by FELT
Frankly, I don't think I've much minded this being my fate, interned at a facility for the mentally ill. It took a bit to get used to but I think it took longer to fully realize that the court granted me leniency. I was expecting prison as the outcome for my crime years ago but I suppose this is as close to a "pleasant surprise" as I think could be considered. At least, my sentence overall wasn't a lengthy one, though I likely wouldn't be out to see the rest of my sisters' childhood. Admittedly, it hurt that I wouldn't but, in the interim of then and now, I made peace with it, perhaps, a bit more because they were ultimately set free.
The facility itself was different than my initial expectations. The staff are very patient with me, as I've noticed, and, again, it felt so strange to have kindness. I've never had therapy before and so it took a bit to really get into it. "Yes," she said, "you have difficulty trusting, given your traumatic background."
"Mmm."
"So, tell me about your life thus far, hmm?"
"Well, I don't remember when Mother started hurting us but I do know that I got it the worse, perhaps extra so my sisters suffered less."
"I see, tell me about your sisters."
"Ryuuko came after me and she's stubborn. I have fleeting memories of when I would take her outside, when she was more innocent. Nui came last and, by that point, Mother was too forgone. Nui, I'd have to say is the most innocent of the two but I feel closest to Ryuuko. My childhood was spent raising them, especially Nui."
"Ah, tell me about Nonon."
"Thus far, I've never really had any friends, so I'd say that Nonon is my only friend. She's rather nice, really."
"Mmm."
"I wish I didn't put any of them through this."
"There, there, now, why do you say that?"
"As I felt my life slipping away, I had a bit of regret, perhaps, a bit more as they tried to stave the bleeding. My last thoughts were that I wished things were different and that, for as much as I loved them, I lamented not having enough time."
"Enough time?"
"To have told them that I loved them."
I think therapist was in some disbelief that I was actually interned there. Then again, so were the staff, as I heard them talk about how "well-behaved" I so happen to be. I'm on medication, currently, and it's considered a light dose. I don't really know so much about my diagnoses but I don't focus on them so much. As far as my mobility goes, I've progressed to where I'm not tied to a wheelchair so much, but it can be painful to walk
By a point, I started to write letters. I knew that it would take Nonon more time to muster courage before she could visit but that would be alright, so I wrote her letters. I didn't have much to talk about, except to tell her about my stay and whatever else I could find to talk about. Mostly, I think, a lot of my letters were apologies for having put her through any of this. According to her, the headlines were far kinder to me than she would have thought but, at least, they left my sisters out of the news reporting.
As for my sisters, they get to visit. While I'd be missing the rest of their childhood most likely, I felt contented that they could visit me in the mental hospital. For their sake, I didn't tell them exactly what this sentence entailed, just I was "sick" and so would have to be away for awhile. Nui was none the wiser but Ryuuko, as expected, seem to catch on just a bit. "I'm going to be alright, and I'll see you soon." I would tell them, before I tell them that I will get out of here.
About a year after being interned, Nonon did visit. Our visit was rather uneventful, but we did visit with each other. If anything, I think I was more happy that she came at all. When I get out of here, I knew we'd have much to catch up on. Truly, she is my only friend in this existence and her loyalty knew no bounds.
As her hand slipped from mine, I could only find a few words....
"Thank you for coming, Nonon."
In retrospects, being in the hospital gave me more time to reflect on my life thus far. I am the oldest daughter of a wealthy family and I got abused the worse. I've lived for some time and I've little to show for it. Of all the things, I would have presumed that Ragyo's abuse would have killed me but, no, I'm still alive and from a botched suicide attempt. I suppose, with reflection, came lament. I lamented that things had to be this way. Idly, I wished we were born into loving family and that it wouldn't have come to the point where I pulled the trigger but that was not our fate. Nonon was right—I never really had a chance to begin with. As I muse on this and how things turned out, at least, my sisters still have one. I know, that eventually, at some point, I'd have to tell my side of the story.
Authoress Notes:
Yeah, initially, I wasn't going to write this chapter but, however, I felt it a bit fitting for Satsuki to give some her POV on the hospital she stays at. As far as the track playing goes, "Certainty" by FELT made the most sense.
After this is coming a multipart epilogue.
