𝗔 𝗗𝗥𝗘𝗔𝗠 𝗖𝗢𝗠𝗘 𝗧𝗥𝗨𝗘

𝐬𝐢𝐱𝐭𝐞𝐞𝐧 | my story

We arrive home, still not saying a word. He opens the door for me, leaving his hockey gear in the car as that's not important to him right now. The whole way up, his hand doesn't leave my lower back, gently rubbing up and down, watching me with worry in his eyes, making sure I've stopped crying. I've managed to contain myself, but by that I mean that I have dissociated - keeping quiet and feeling scared to open up to him.

He opens up the door for me and we enter, placing my bag on the kitchen counter and going to grab a glass of water. Michal watches me closely, a soft smile sitting on his face. He walks over to the lounge as I start exiting the kitchen, he sits down and opens one arm out, inviting me to join him. I tread over, not making eye contact, taking a sip from my water and placing it down on the coffee table. I lower myself sideways onto his legs, swinging my legs onto the couch and wrapping my arms around his neck, leaning into him. He holds me, wrapping his arms around my front and back, resting his large hands on the outside of my thigh, rubbing slowly.

He doesn't speak out first, letting me be the one to start the conversation when I'm ready. I open my mouth to speak, but close it as I'm unsure of where to start. He continues watching me, looking my face up and down waiting patiently. "I guess now you know why I started seeing a psychologist..." I start, looking down at my hands in my lap, picking at the seam of my pants. He squeezes my thigh lightly. "We started dating 2 weeks after meeting, back in 2021... It was green flags everywhere, not knowing his true colours. I also have a problem with saying no to people, not wanting to hurt them so I said yes to be his girlfriend, knowing it was a bit too fast. Those true colours started showing just 1 month in. It started with strong aggressive grips, pushing me out of his way. Louder voice yelling at me when we argued, right in my face. But then it turned into more physical assaults, swinging his fist into my thigh just because I had rolled over onto his side of the bed in my sleep, giving me a dead leg..." I paused, taking a deep breath, as does Michal. Listening closely and letting me finish before he has his say.

"It made me cry, and he never apologised. Just blamed me for his actions just because I was hogging the bed. Even if it was accidental. He also guilt tripped me into having sex with him, saying that blue balls are excruciatingly painful and I need to relieve him. It turned me off so much but I didn't want to be hit out of anger again, so I just let him use my body. To which he would just roll over and go to sleep or get up and leave straight after... like how I mentioned to you before. It made me feel gross and used, and I later found out by my psych that it's a form of sexual abuse. I then realised I was stuck, because I fell for him hard and he always manipulated and gaslighted me, showering me with gifts after each assault. Brainwashing me to think it was normal as a couple, he just has a short temper but deep down I knew it wasn't normal as I was too ashamed to tell my friends or family about it. He wacked me around and punched me when he got mad, always below the neck so it wasn't obvious that it was him. It got to the point where I abandoned my friends and family, not wanting them to ask about the bruises he left... knowing I was a bad liar and didn't want to get him in trouble in fear of him hurting them as well. 3 months go by and he ends up cheating on me with an acquaintance, I didn't know until after he broke up with me. He was publicly seen with her just 2 days later, someone confirmed with me that they saw them making out in the club the night before he broke it off with us, leaving together in an Uber... that night he didn't return home till the next morning. I didn't want to confront him as I knew he'd hit me for accusing him, but I guess I didn't have to as he left me for her anyway - to my relief. I booked in with my psychologist, finally free to talk about it and seek help with the mental health issues I had formed. She helped me a lot, just by listening without judgment and then giving me helpful techniques for the negative thoughts. Getting my brain wired back the way it was, building resilience, strength, self-love and confidence again. I then moved away from my hometown with my Mum after telling her what had happened. We moved closer to my Nan, also telling her what happened to which she gave the most helpful advice back, as she also had the same experiences. I told my friends why I had to leave town, they were supportive of me and we still check in every now and then with each other. Cece, my best friend, she moved with me herself after learning why I went into hiding. She felt terrible for not forcing me to let her in on what was causing it, so she promises herself and me that she will always be near from now on, always supporting me." I sigh, rubbing my forehead. Michal's jaw slightly drops, in shock that I went through this and he didn't think to ask about my past.