Undercover

Chapter 39 ~ The Bargain

Logan

I was hoping for an argument when she'd hear my agreement to her cause. But then again, it seems she really does want me gone, and I don't blame her. I've caused her more trouble than anyone else. And she's just this wonderful girl whom I will never deserve. I'm certain she doesn't know it, that when she said those words to push me away, my heart felt so heavy and painful. It was like I could feel it beating, meaning that I was alive, but I couldn't feel anything else like I've gone numb. I felt as if I were dead with just a useless beating heart. I love her with all my heart. I haven't spent a day not thinking about her. But then again, what is love?

I guess I never truly knew what love meant. All I knew was that I loved her. I know it makes no sense, but maybe love doesn't make sense. Maybe it's alright for it not to make sense because let love be love. People love with their hearts and not with their minds, so maybe thinking doesn't qualify in this area.
"Logan. We must do this fast. She's coming, and we have to be ready." My father said.

I simply gave him a nod. My father, I don't even want to call him that, but he is a smart man. I have never had the pleasure to meet this stepsister, though I was fully aware of my father's whereabouts. He was not a good man to my mother, I doubt he even loves her. My mother was a kind woman. She care much for me and for my father even when he wasn't the best husband, try worst. I have never heard nonsense about my mother trying to find some flower. She's not like that. She can't be, because she's the only person who actually paid attention to me and Luke. When dad disappeared, mom left as well. Luke and I, we didn't know what to do. In the end, without any more options, we decided to leave and start anew. I didn't want to leave, especially since at that time, I met a girl sent from heaven who had problems like mine. A crazy family, no one to care for us, and forever in search of true happiness.

Why does life have to be cruel? Is it for us to learn, or so that it could laugh at our failures? I'll never understand the point of living. When you think about it, what's the point? We go to school, we graduate, we go to college, we graduate, we get a job, we get a family, and eventually, we will die. So why live, when in the end, we'll end up all the same? I used to think about this a lot. And when I do, no answers ever came. But Beatrice helped me through this. She showed me that living is more than just studying, and learning, and following rules, and dying. Living is the happiness and joy you obtain from life. Living is enjoying the small things and smiling when you feel happy.

Beatrice is a tough girl, and I am glad I met her. I wish she would stop me from leaving. I wish she would tell me to stay and then I'd go to her school, meet her friends, and live. I never chose to become an actor. We had no choice. Two boys in a big city? With no one to care for them? We were lucky we got recruited.

It's just nice to think about all the things that had happened, that had could been, that might be, and that should've been. But the weight of the matter at hand is getting more real by the seconds. As my father predicted, Kylie and mother called to make an exchange. I can't fathom as to why it how my mother turned out to be like this. All I know is, whatever she was then, it was all a lie.

Beatrice's mother, Laila and my dad have made the necessary preparations for the exchange. As for the Lake, I do not know what they are up to.

"Logan, can we go to Paradise?" Beatrice asked quietly as she stood beside me in the living room, staring at the trees outside. I was puzzled. Beatrice wants to go to Paradise?

"At this time? When everything is already a mess?" I asked.

"Why do we go there in the first place?" She answered back.

I thought back to the times I had in Paradise. It was a place for me to clear my head, to vent out my frustrations, and to forget about the world.