Undercover

Chapter 33 ~ Silence

Kristen

I guess this madness will never end. She still pretends like she's happy, but is obviously not. She still insists on staying in San Francisco, even when it's totally obvious she wants to go back to New York. She's never been the same anymore. I know that if I tell her to go back and she does, I'll miss her. We'll miss her. A whole summer without her was bad enough, we may be talking about her whole life now!

I know it's for the best. I know that in return, we'll get to see her happy. She's really trying to show us she's happy, but I know deep down she wants to be with Logan. No matter what she says, I can see the way she speaks about him. She knows him like she knows me.

This is why we're going to do this. No matter how much she'll protest, if she can, we're getting her on a plane to New York. Right. This. Instant.

Beatrice

I'm tired living. No, I don't want to commit suicide. It's just that I don't feel like myself. With my wig and contacts out of the way, I feel exposed. I feel those scrutinizing eyes judging me. I can feel them thinking about how I lived a lie. How I made this all up so that one day, I'll get all the attention I want.

I hate that this happened before I even knew about it. I admit, running from New York just because my boyfriend - childhood sweetheart, fling, call it whatever you'd like - didn't believe me. I know that I went too far. I mean, who cares if you're broken-hearted. Everyone goes through that at some point of their lives. Rejection can never be avoided.

Look at how well I handled it. About 2 weeks from it, and I'm still at it. I keep going on and on about how much I wish I had a time machine so that I could make things right, but when I finally do have a time machine, how do I make things right?

There's nothing more I can do but move on. If there was a chance, a chance to make things right, I would not hesitate to take it. I may have messed up, a lot. I said I'd forgive Logan but here I am still in San Francisco. The thing is, I don't want to do anything stupid anymore. Logan has probably moved on now, and I should do the same.

I was given a chance by the world. Call it fate, whatever, I was given a chance to see him again, to make friends with him, to fall in love with him, again and AGAIN. But look how that turned out. Look how happy I am, please note my sarcasm.

When fate brings two things together again, you'll try so hard not to mess it up. But the thing is, the more you try, the more you mess up. And when that happens, you'll realize, it was never fate to begin with. It was the world. Telling you whether you were right to love him/her or not, whether he/she was the right person for you.

The world is a mysterious place. Some say it was the big bang theory, some say it was God. One thing is for sure. There is not scientific or religious reason as to why people love. It's just there. You're forced to love, because we are human. We feel emotion, and nothing will stop that.

Today, I've been walking around the park for no apparent reason. Apparently, that's all I do now-a-days. With not much to do with life, I walk wherever my legs wish to take me, and think. Like what I just did a few minutes ago.

Now, I finished walking and have decided to paint. The only other thing I love doing, rather than reading and making a fool out of myself. I unlocked my door and went to my little studio, where all my paintings are. I'm not good at it. I know it, but I enjoy doing it.

I like painting monochromatic and abstract paintings. They make people wonder why it's painted, or what the story behind it is. Sometimes, even I don't understand my own paintings. I get lost in it and never know how long I've been painting.