Undercover

Chapter 18 ~ Questions, no Answers

"I still can't believe that he didn't believe you in whatever thats thing is that you won't tell me" said Chelsea pouting.

When I told them that Logan ditched me for Rachelle, Chelsea was already getting a broom.

To sweep the floor? No.

Chelsea said "This is used for knocking some sense into the poor senseless people"

Yeah.. she can be really violent sometimes.. ok not some... uh.. often?

Am I stupid or did I just lose my common sense? Why would I even think that a guy I barely knew for almost 3 months, would believe me instead of a multi-awarded actress?

Did I actually think that just because he doesn't really like Rachelle, He would actually pack up, leave her and love me instead?

Why am I dreaming of things that are so out of reach? More importantly, why do I even think of him? I'm nothing to him.

He asked me out so that he could get to Beatrice or should I say me? He doesn't know me anymore. Take off my wig and contacts makes him forget me?

First love? Thats stupid. Love at first sight? Cliche much. I will love you forever and always? Now thats just a title in one of Taylor Swift's many songs.

How about if I say Love? What will I think about that? Well I can say it in just 4 words. 4 words that will eventually ruin my life... HURT.

The more you hate the more you love? Now that is never true. I may be bitter... but at least I know more than to let myself fall for the wrong person again.

Our love is tragedy. Thats it. Nothing more. Just a fling. That very piece of my childhood, was the piece I wish I didn't need. If only I could take that part away.. Sadly.. I can't.

When did I become this? I'm an artist. I draw and paint things. But how did I become from that into.. me?

I was the girl who almost never spoke unless told to do so. I was the girl who was kind to everyone, even those who hate me.

What would they say now? Will they like me for being famous? Or will they accept me for who I am?

For the past few hours I did nothing. I spent my time mostly in bed. Not caring how I looked or how anyone thought of me. Chelsea and Emily tried their best to get me out of bed.

They brought me food, which was until now, untouched. They watched comedy films with me, which I didn't find funny. Which is weird because the slightest joke can already make me laugh.

They even tried to give me talks about how stupid Logan is for not believing me. That did not, nor ever will help me.

Because every time they say his name I drift into space. Reliving what happened yesterday.

That just made me think that maybe if I just told him that I was Beatrice, he would have believed me.

I have already seen enough of pitiful looks that would last a lifetime. From when my mom died until now.

Sorry. Thats all everyone says. I'm tired of hearing that, why are they sorry. They didn't lose anyone.

<<Flashback>>

"You-your.. mom.. she.. she's.." A long pause of silence. Not good.

What happened to mom? Where is she? Why is daddy here instead of work?

"Dad? what happened?" I said smiling.

Suddenly an image popped into my head. Its was a woman, she had her back turned. She slowly turned around.. while smiling and waving.. goodbye.