good enough ; odesu

11.

empty, dull eyes staring up at the ceiling, seungmin clutched onto the beanie, as if he was scared his father would take it away from him and burn it. that was the only thing he had left to remember jungsu.

kind of literally at this point because jungsu didn't call him back nor he had texted him. seungmin hadn't heard from him for a few days now and he didn't even know how to feel.

he missed him. a lot. and being a very reluctant person he was, his mind had already convinced him that jungsu just got so tired of all his problems and behavior and decided not to see him ever again.

only after coming to that conclusion, he realized how horrible of a person he really was. he was lucky enough to find someone like jungsu, and selfish enough to lose him. he acted so bad all the time, pushed him away because of what was happening in his household, never told him about his probems, never opened up and basically hurt him.

seungmin hated himself so much for that. of course his parents had to always add so many more to his pain and destroy everything precious and valuable for him.

"seungmin come and eat." a knock was heard on his door, followed by his mother's voice.

seungmin felt a very strong urge to throw up at his mother's much fake and just purely sugarcoated voice. he hated so much when his parents acted this way. talking to him as if they really cared for him and his well being.

how did she have the audacity to even talk to him after what both her and her husband had done to him. forbidding him to have friends just so he could study? it was too crazy.

❝leave me alone.❞ seungmin called out in a rather weak voice. sitting up in bed abruptly as he heard his mother twisting the doorknob. but let out a small sigh of relief as he remembered that he he had locked the door when he walked inside his room yesterday.

clicking her tongue, "but you have to eat." his mother told him from the other side and seungmin could tell how hard she was trying to not snap at his such behavior and not yell at him.

❝i don't fucking want to, okay? leave me alone!❞ seungmin fell back on the bed closing his eyes. he was usually not the one to speak like that, and use such word especially when talking to his parents but at this point, he didn't care.

his parents could have kicked the door down and beat him up to death. he didn't care. it didn't matter to him anymore.

pulling up the blanket up to cover himself fully, he closed his eyes. maybe be would be able to sleep and let another horrible day pass by like that. maybe if he fell asleep and then woke up, he would find out that it all was just a horrible nightmare, see a message or a call from jungsu who was asking how he was doing.

maybe everything would get back to normal after he woke up.

「🌠」

staring at his phone, at those a few missed calls from seungmin, from a few days ago, jungsu bit his bottom lip, as he held back tears that were welling up in his eyes.

he felt so bad right now. was he really doing a good thing with keeping a distance? who knew how seungmin needed him if he had called him not once but a few times because heck, seungmin didn't even call often.

maybe it was an emergency and he needed him, he needed his presence there. his comfort. yet there he was. staring at his phone, even when seungmin was calling him. he just sat there and watched the phone ring.