Winter Love (Book Two)

3 | Deals With The Devil

JESSE'S POV

After the eventful summer holidays, I was more than certain the winter ones would be just as eventful - if not just a little bit more. But I guess I should've taken my own advice: to prevent disappointment, stop expecting. But as I read the message once again, I couldn't stop my shoulders from sagging disappointedly.

Luv❤️: I'm sorry but I can't meet up tonight.

I try to be understanding, I really do, but this has been the scene for the past five days. This is the fifth day where something like this has happened. Where our plans are basically locked in, and in the final hour - an excuse would be sent through, and it'd be radio silence till the following morning. I mean, I hope I'm not coming across as an inconsiderate boyfriend that thinks his partner is just making up random excuses for no valid reason, but I genuinely think something's up...

The way his body twitched when I hugged him tighter the day I came back. The way he asked to keep his shirt on when we tried to make love, not missing the bruises that littered his abdomen as his shirt rose higher and higher as we went on. The way he sealed his mouth shut, with a tear rolling down his face, like someone had commanded him to just lay there and take it...like he deserves that, like I don't care about him.

And amidst all this, a new problem has arose. An issue I never would've anticipated, not even in my wildest dreams. But what did I say about expectations and disappointment? My own mother, who's been one of my biggest confidants, has actively gone out of her way to blatantly ignore me. And not in a: I'm mad at you, so I'm gonna ignore you kind of way; but more in a: I did something I know you're going to hate, so I'll just ignore you till you find out way, and that just put me on edge. I couldn't break the situation apart and meet a viable reason as to why my mother could be ignoring me, and why she's all of a sudden so civil with Zoe.

What had become of my life in my four months away from home?

Speaking of my step-sister, her childish tantrums had supposedly come to an end. No more door slams. No more screaming at my mother for no apparent reason. Just a decent human being, that much like my mom, couldn't hold my gaze for more than three seconds before looking away completely, a look I can only describe as guilt flashing in their eyes as they went about their business.

A light knock on my bedroom door snaps me out of my dream like state, my mother peeping in with a tray of biscuits and some tea in hand: "I brought you something" she smiles.

"Thanks" I say flatly, the energy completely drained out of my body.

She looks at me intently, sighing and taking a seat beside me, placing the tray on the desk: "It's really hard for me to say this..." she starts, looking at a picture Sami and I took when he came here for that sleepover; a picture I've cherished since, "...you love him, don't you?"

As the question slips past her lips, the smile he wore on that particular day shines in my head, reminding me of the happiness he once bore. But regardless of the change, I still know I feel exactly the same way that I did before I left, just a little bit sure now, but I still love him the same, so I just settle for a nod of confirmation.

"Well in that case, you should hold on to him, obviously - if he feels the same about you. If you think he's your soulmate, you should do everything for him." A big part of myself wanted to jump into action, fight for my relationship with Sami like I want to; but I couldn't quite shake the feeling that this is unfortunately a lot more than just my relationship, and her words confirm my suspicions immediately: "Your step-dad is coming back next week."

My world suddenly comes to a screeching halt. My senses heightened. For a fraction of a moment, I felt as if time froze - as I tried and failed to wrap my head around what she just said: "What?"

"Your step-dad is coming back next week."

"But how?" I question, trying to stop my head from spinning, "it's only been four years, he's supposed to have at least six more behind bars" I try to argue. This can't be happening. This cannot be happening.

"Jes..."

"No mom!" I cut in, "What's happened to our justice system? That man was supposed to serve a minimum of ten years in jail, and he's going to leave - scot free in less than half the time...?"

"Jesse..."

"I played an active role in his arrest! They gave me a stupid medal for it! They assured that they'd keep us safe! That they'd keep you safe..."

"Jesse" she yells, cutting my rant a little bit short. But truly, it isn't the volume of her voice that shut me up, it's the look she wears as she stares at me, her eyes shining with unshed tears, and marking the very moment that my worst nightmare is realised.

"Mom" I say warningly, "what did you do?" Instead of giving me a response, she averts he gaze to the floor. "What did you do?"

"I dropped the case" she says quickly, tears streaming freely down her face, as they now swelled in my eyes. How could she? After all he put her through? After all I had to do?

"W-why?" my voice cracks as I ask, moving my fingers under the sleeves of my jacket, pinching myself - trying to wake myself from this nightmare that has become my life.

"Zoe needs her father" she says, and the tears just slide helplessly down my face. "She's doing horribly at school, she's changed over these past few months and it's all because she needs her father..."

"So your solution is to drop the charges?"

"Every child needs a parent Jesse, you should know that" she answers.

"But that's not the only reason, is it?" The silence that follows after my question is asked, confirms my suspicions that the knockout blow is yet to come:

"The love between you and your boyfriend is a beautiful thing, and I'm sure you'd do anything for him" she smiles through the tears, "and I respect it. I just want you to respect the love I have for Jakob."

I want to scream. I want to cry. My body is pleading with me to punch a hole into the wall while yelling out profanities that would get me banished from this town. I want to beg and plead with my mother to realise this dangerous game she's playing with Zoe, whilst trying to end the life of a man that almost ended hers life five years ago, but instead I settle for something calmer, but unfortunately, more brutal:

"I need to be excused" I say, "but as you limp out of that door, I need you to go to the bathroom and smile at yourself in the mirror, and realise that 'the man you love' not only left you in a pool of your own blood after kicking you to death's doorstep, but knocked four teeth straight off your gums, you had to get surgery to repair the damage he inflicted on you. And then I want you to head into your bedroom, take out all of the important documents under the mattress and lay them on your bed. Take all the hospital bills you've had to settle in dealing with the lifelong injuries he left you with. Then I want you to think about everything you've just said; the fact that you believe Zoe needs her dad, and realise that on the other side - I also need my mom" I cry. "And with that man around, I know you're not you. I know that with him around, it's only a matter of time till he kills you. And Zoe will have her dad, and what about me...?" I trail off, leaving the question open, as her tear stricken face told me all I need to know, that the point I was trying to make - surely got across.

Lord, what did I do to you to deserve this?