Winter Love (Book Two)

17 | Hearts & Sleeves

JESSE'S POV

Miguel certainly didn't lie when he said Rose had cleaned this place, but seeing the state it's in - I wouldn't be shocked if the poor lady had made it her personal objective to come clean this space at the very least - a couple of times a month.

Firstly, the curtains were open - allowing some sunlight to seep into the trailer, making the space feel a little bit roomier than it actually is. The wood table by the door glistened under the sun's orangish glow, showing that it had been polished not too long ago.

The appliances were still as I remembered: from my father's violent microwave that burnt everything you tried to warm up, to the old white stove Rose gave to my dad when Miguel finally got her an upgrade. The two chairs in the small kitchenette still remained where they were eight years ago, and his crisp white covers still laid on the double bed on the other side of the trailer. My eyes get drawn to the sink right underneath the window, or rather, to the mug in the sink. The words: Best Dad Ever, written in a bold font, a gift I'd gotten him for his birthday, that he promised he'd cherish for the rest of his days - and that he did. He used it every single day - no exceptions; and seeing it in the sink just stirred something in me. Truly, nothing had changed in this space besides the fact that he isn't here.

"Are you okay?" a soft voice asks from behind me.

"Yeah baby, I'm okay." I could feel the intense wave of emotion that was approaching from the distance at being here, but this time around, I'm hell bent on not running away.

"What is this place?" Sami asks, as his eyes move through the intricate details of the mural that covered the whole wall by the door.

"It's my dad's home" I fill in vaguely, staring at him as he traces some of the vines on the design.

"Where is he?" he asks gently, unaware of what truly brings us here.

"He passed," and the moment those two words slip past my lips, he whips around quickly, his eyes wide:

"Jes, I'm so sorry."

"No, it's okay...it was a long time ago." His eyes dart to the floor, his fingers playing with the hem of his leather jacket, "he would've loved you" I state honestly, taking his hands in mine, a selfish act on my part as I did this more for myself than to reassure him. I needed his warmth, his comfort...

"Should I step outside and give you some time alone?"

"No!" I respond, way too quickly. "I need you...but I also wanted to tell you something." He takes a step back to analyse my serious expression, before nodding: "We can sit on the bed" I pull him deeper into the trailer, taking a seat, as he looks at me softly: "When you spoke about the voice in your head," I start, not missing how he squirmed and hung his head at the sensitive topic, "and you talked about being weak, I felt that right here" I place a hand over my heart. "When you said I've got my shit figured out, I'm strong...I have to let you know that I couldn't disagree more because I am honestly one of the weakest people I know. Yes, I may not cry as often, or I may appear as an emotionless guy, but that's because life has taught me to keep my heart tucked as far away from my sleeve as humanly possible." I laugh bitterly, before continuing:

"My dad was involved in a car accident years ago" I manage to say through my voice crack, "he died fighting to gain custody of his son, and I loved him to death. I still do. He fought for me till the very end...but even with the love I have for him, I can count in one hand the number of times I've been to his grave, and it's the first time I've come here in eight years. And the reason why I stayed away was because I was scared, petrified, and being here justifies my fears. Just looking at these walls, realising that just a few hours before his death, this was the last place he'd been - makes me want to break down and cry, as if eight years hadn't passed" I sniffle, warm tears trickling down and leaving a cold trail behind, as Sami wraps his slightly smaller arms around me.

"But I finally came here, after all this time because I know I have you. In my time of fear, absolute weakest - you're here for me. That's why I need you to understand" I express weakly, managing to wiggle out of his grasp so I can hold his face in my hands, staring deep in his eyes, "I need you to understand that I brought you here because in the very same way that you're here for me now, embracing me; you must also know that when that voice comes back and whispers all those nasty things to you, I'll be here for you. Waiting to reassure you. It's not about being the strongest, it's about being able to be weak with one another, truly vulnerable, knowing that the other will be there for us."

Different emotions flash in his eyes, from the inevitable doubt stemming from years and years of broken promises and disappointment, to sheer understanding that each and every word that leaves my mouth is as genuine as it could be. It's important to me that he knows that through all the ups and downs - either brewed by external factors like Zack and Jack, or even Zoe, I'd do my best to support him. Even in the face of adversity that's internal and a tad more complex - like his anxiety, I'll be there.

"Your dad must've meant a lot to you" he smiles comfortingly, dropping a hand on my shoulder: "I would've loved to meet him."

"Oh you wouldn't be able to stand him" I chuckle softly, already imagining how he would've gotten such a thrill at teasing Sami, who - in all honesty - is one of the easiest options to some light banter, considering how easy it is to make him blush.

"Why'd you say that?"

"You know" I smirk, "sometimes I wonder if you're a descendent of a tomato seeing as you spend most of your days looking like one" I say bluntly, an exaggerated gasp slipping past his lips. "And correct me if I'm wrong, but I think you're a little fruity too."

And as if to prove my point, a light red tint rises up his face, even going as far as kissing the tips of his ears: "You're so mean" he complains, pouting dramatically, a look I couldn't take seriously even if it was because it's so freaking cute!

"But isn't that why you love me?" I question lowly, my tear stricken face the very least of my worries. Despite him never verbally confirming it, I'd be an idiot to not see just how deep what we have runs.

"I-I..." he stutters, the distance between us thinning slowly with each and every passing breath, but before anything could happen, a loud knock on the door sends us flying apart, as the old woman I hadn't seen in so long bursts through the doors:

"Jesse!"